Chapter 130: Chapter 130: Not Far From Madness

Pei Yan wanted to explain to Mei Wanying that he didn’t mean to pressure her.

He had risked his life just to see her again. How could he possibly want her dead?

Pei Yan had so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to begin.

It was his coldness that had pushed Ah Yin to the brink. He wasn’t blameless.

Every time he recalled their past life, Pei Yan was so overwhelmed by guilt that he didn’t even have the courage to look Mei Wanying in the eye.

Before Mei Wanying could drive him out again, he left the Mei Family’s old house.

On New Year’s Eve, he had ultimately failed to spend it with the one he cared for.

For many years, Pei Yan had spent New Year’s Eve alone while fighting on the battlefield, but this year felt particularly unbearable.

His Ah Yin was so close, yet he couldn’t approach her.

’It was truly cruel.’

Pei Yan was grievously poisoned and had been pushed away by Mei Wanying. On a day meant for family reunions, he could only gaze forlornly in the direction of the Mei family’s home.

Like a steadfast stone, forever watching for his wife.

Wei Jue felt His Highness was quite pitiful.

He offered a suggestion. "Your Highness, if you take the young mistress with you, how could you possibly worry that Miss Mei won’t follow you back to the Capital City?"

The method was unscrupulous, but it would be effective.

Miss Mei clearly treated the child as her entire world. He didn’t believe she could truly be so heartless as to abandon her own child.

As long as the child was with His Highness, Miss Mei would sooner or later be forced to compromise.

Any more delays, and things back in the Capital City would truly descend into chaos.

Besides, the poison in His Highness’s body had yet to be fully cleared. If Miss Mei refused to reconcile with him, he would never focus on his own recovery.

’This plan is quick and effective!’

Based on Wei Jue’s understanding of his master, His Highness had likely considered this very idea himself.

The only reason he hadn’t acted on it was likely because he couldn’t bear to see Miss Mei upset.

If truly pushed into a corner, His Highness would almost certainly do it.

Wei Jue said, "Better a short pain than a long one. First, you must keep her by your side..."

Pei Yan’s eyes flashed with danger. His tightly clenched fist made a CRACKING sound. "Nothing but rotten ideas. Are you looking to die?"

The man’s tone was chilling. The hairs on Wei Jue’s body stood on end, and he felt as if he were being watched by a predator.

He felt as if his neck would be snapped if he uttered a single wrong word.

"I... I was just saying..."

Wei Jue grumbled inwardly, ’Isn’t this what I learned from His Highness?’

’Why the sudden change of heart?’

Then he heard the man before him sigh. "I can’t do anything else to make Ah Yin unhappy," Pei Yan said. "Otherwise, she’ll never forgive me."

Wei Jue thought to himself, ’Then who was it that just forcibly dragged Mr. Gu out of the Mei Mansion?’

’No wonder Miss Mei doesn’t believe a word His Highness says. The man hardly ever speaks the truth.’

Though Wei Jue didn’t say it out loud, his expression betrayed his thoughts.

Pei Yan shot him a dark look. "Say what you mean."

Steeling himself, Wei Jue said, "Other than the young mistress, it seems you have nothing else that Miss Mei cares about."

The words struck a painful chord in Pei Yan’s heart.

Before, in Ah Yin’s heart, he had been the most important person.

He wouldn’t have to say or do a thing, and Ah Yin would find a way to be by his side.

Just like in their past life, when she, while pregnant, had endured countless hardships just to find him at the Border.

But he hadn’t cherished her then, and now he no longer had that privilege.

His heart ached, so naturally, he couldn’t bear to hear the truth.

"Shut up!"

The man’s expression darkened further, looking for all the world like he’d flown into a rage out of humiliation.

Wei Jue didn’t dare make another sound.

Pei Yan had indeed thought about using the child to tie Mei Wanying to his side.

But she had flown into a rage that day, declaring she would rather give up her child than ever return to his side.

Pei Yan was scared.

He didn’t dare use such a tactic on Mei Wanying again.

As it was, he could still visit under the pretext of seeing his child. If he pushed her too far, Ah Yin might abandon them both, father and daughter.

He would be left in despair, and the child would have to suffer along with him.

She was just a nursing infant.

Nursing...

Pei Yan turned and strode quickly to his study. He dispatched a secret letter with the utmost urgency, ordering the finest nourishing tonics from the Eastern Palace’s treasury to be sent to Jiangnan.

He had caught the faint scent of milk on Ah Yin. Knowing her personality, she must be nursing the child herself.

She was always this devoted to the ones she cared for.

Before, it was him.

Now, it was Lingling.

Pei Yan felt a pang of jealousy, but then he remembered that Lingling was his own daughter. Love for the child might extend to him, and perhaps one day he would benefit from her light.

That trace of sourness quickly dissipated.

He even found himself hoping that Mei Wanying would dote on Ling even more.

That way, as the child’s father, he too would hold a special position.

Pei Yan had finally held his daughter today, and he had taken a good, long look at her face.

He had even seen the delicate patterns on Ling’s tiny fingers, committing them to memory.

The tiny infant was chubby and plump.

He’d heard she was born premature. To have been nursed so well, Ah Yin must have suffered greatly.

If she didn’t replenish her strength properly, her health would be completely ruined.

Pei Yan had once imagined that after marrying Mei Wanying, they would have many children.

But thinking of the hardships of raising a child, he changed his mind. Just having Lingling was more than enough.

His father, the Emperor, had only one son his entire life—him. All the children born after were girls.

When it came to him, there was no reason he should be required to have a son.

He wouldn’t adopt an Imperial Prince from the clan in the future, either. He had his own daughter. Why would he raise someone else’s child, unless he was out of his mind?

And let an outsider inherit everything he possessed?

Only a child born of Mei Wanying was worthy of enjoying the power he had earned.

Compared to when he had first "awakened," Pei Yan was much calmer now.

There were many who wanted him dead. The people he cared for were his weakness.

They, too, were surrounded by hidden dangers.

Without power, how could he protect Ah Yin and their child?

Pei Yan did not want to relive the nightmare of his past life. Only by holding power firmly in his grasp could he prevent tragedy from repeating itself.

And so, he handled matters from the Capital City with a letter in one hand and a pillow cradled in the other.

Wei Jue was puzzled. "This pillow... Is there something special about it?"

The last time His Highness came to Jiangnan, he had brought a pillow back to the capital with him. It was still sitting in the Eastern Palace.

Why was he doing this again today?

Pei Yan’s expression was impassive, but his eyes held a hint of smugness. "You don’t have children, so it’s only natural that you wouldn’t understand."

Wei Jue: "..."

’So because he can’t hold his child, he’s just going to hold a pillow and delude himself?’

Pei Yan was oblivious to Wei Jue’s thoughts, focused only on practicing his skills at holding a baby.

He recalled the way Mei Wanying held Ling, adjusting the curve of his arm bit by bit.

Practice makes perfect. Tomorrow, he would go pay New Year’s respects to the elders. Ah Yin and the child should be there, giving him a perfect opportunity to show his progress.

When she saw his improvement, even if she didn’t forgive him, her opinion of him might change.

’Can’t be hasty. Slow and steady.’

Ah Yin had suffered for so many years because of him. It was time for him to pay his debt.

Whether it took a year, two years, or even decades, as long as he could see Ah Yin, he should be content.

’I absolutely cannot pressure her again!’

Pei Yan reminded himself.

The man’s movements were clumsy, but he was starting to look the part. His large, well-defined hand patted the pillow lightly, as if soothing a small child.

Watching this bizarre scene, Wei Jue felt a chill run down his spine, and was at a complete loss for words.

He had once seen a concubine in the palace who had lost her mind. She had been just like this, cradling a pillow and cooing to it as if it were her child.

One moment, she would be laughing.

The next, she would be weeping.

’If, after trying everything, he still can’t win back Miss Mei,’ he thought, ’His Highness probably isn’t far from madness himself...’