At the End of That Memory
Chapter 21: Raison d’etre (1)
The sound of raindrops tapped quietly inside the car. It was the gentle patter of rain hitting the window. I sat still with both hands neatly placed on my thighs, blankly staring at the rainy scenery.
Not a single car passed on the quiet road. It was late, and on top of that, it was raining. The headlights stretched long across the road, and the falling raindrops scattered the light into a fine spray.
Ah, this feels really strange.
With that thought, I glanced at Kwon Yido. Rarely, he was sitting in the driver’s seat, staring silently ahead. The veins stood out subtly on the hand loosely holding the steering wheel.
'...Do you like getting rained on?'
Everything that had happened with him just a while ago bubbled up in my mind. The slow exchange of breath, Kwon Yido’s pheromones lingering at the tip of my nose, even the soft lips that approached under the tilted shadow of the umbrella.
How long had he been waiting for me? His lips had felt slightly cool. No, maybe he just had a low body temperature to begin with. His hand that cupped my cheek afterward was the same.
He slowly, very slowly rubbed along the edge of my cheek. As if he were touching something fragile, his finger traced around my ear. His large hand, big enough to cover my entire face, gently moved down and touched the nape of my neck.
His hand was definitely cold, but every time he touched me, I felt heat. It was an almost dizzying feeling, enough to make my shoulders tense. I grabbed Kwon Yido’s hand like a lifeline. When he gently bit down on my lower lip and pulled back just as slowly, I had thought—
'Let’s go home.'
I didn’t know why that made me feel embarrassed. Maybe it was because just one kiss made my body crave him. Or maybe it was the sense of loss I felt from an act that didn’t even involve our tongues.
Either way, I followed Kwon Yido and got into his car. The car was empty, and he got into the driver’s seat as if it were nothing. When I asked if he’d driven himself, he let out a short laugh and said:
“Sometimes it’s more comfortable without the driver.”
I only realized what he meant after sitting in the passenger seat. The moment the door closed and the outside sounds were cut off, I suddenly became hyperaware of Kwon Yido.
To be clear, this wasn’t my first kiss. When my heat cycle came, we’d kissed far more deeply, with tongues tangled in urgency, like parched animals desperate to drink. It had been dizzying and frantic.
So why was this simple kiss more nerve-wracking than that?
From the moment the car started and entered the quiet road, the atmosphere was indescribably awkward. Kwon Yido’s pheromones filled the car so fully that even as I stared out the window, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
'Yeah, it’s a relief the driver isn’t here.'
If he were, I’d have to worry not just about Kwon Yido, but his poor, innocent chauffeur too.
“...It’s late, but thank you for the wine. I really enjoyed it.”
Trying to lighten the mood, I squeezed out a topic. It wasn’t a bad choice, but Kwon Yido didn’t respond enthusiastically.
“I couldn’t taste the wine.”
“...”
It took me a second to process what he meant. When I finally turned to him with a baffled expression, the corners of his lips curled pleasantly.
“Just kidding.”
I’ve said it before, but he really was nothing like I imagined. He didn’t seem like the type to make this kind of sly joke.
“As long as you enjoyed it, that’s all that matters. You can drink anything you like from the ones at home. If you prefer hard liquor, there’s some in the display cabinet.”
“Well... okay.”
I didn’t really enjoy drinking. I’d never had enough to get drunk, and aside from the occasional glass with meals, I barely touched alcohol. There wasn’t any deep reason—it just felt like I lost myself when I got tipsy, and I didn’t like that.
“Did things go well with your family?”
At his question, I involuntarily twitched my fingertips. I fixed my gaze out the window and answered as casually as I could.
“Yes, thanks to you.”
'Thanks to you, my ass.'
I couldn’t even endure that brief time and ran away like a coward.
“Just bring me that one document.”
My father’s words clung to the depths of my consciousness like a spell. That one sentence—that man would abandon me, so I should listen to him—was like mud I couldn’t wash off. The thick resentment caked all over me began to resurface, even as Kwon Yido had pulled me back into reality.
“But why didn’t you sleep?”
“...”
Kwon Yido was being strangely uncooperative in conversation. He wasn’t the type to be oblivious, so it felt intentional—he kept bringing up all the things I didn’t want to talk about. And then he even added:
“You went all the way to that tiny officetel.”
“That place isn’t that small.”
“It is.”
His voice was full of certainty. He hadn’t even seen the inside, but he said it so confidently. He tapped the steering wheel lightly with his finger and spoke in a low voice.
“At the very least, it’s not a suitable place to run away to.”
I had no words to refute that. He was right—I ran away. And by chance, I had just happened to run into Kwon Yido. At least, according to him, it was purely by chance.
“If you get rained on there, you’ll catch a cold.”
His tone was blunt, but I could tell it came from concern. I leaned back against the seat and calmly opened my mouth.
“I wasn’t planning to get rained on.”
Really, I wasn’t. I had impulsively put down the umbrella, but even then, Kwon Yido had stepped in to shield me. If he hadn’t been there, I probably would’ve quietly gone home and spent the night trying to pull myself together.
Although, there was one reason I couldn’t get wet.
“These are the clothes you gave me. I didn’t want to ruin them.”
“...”
He looked over at me silently, then his expression grew slightly blank. Our eyes happened to meet, and I saw his pupils visibly tremble. He turned his gaze back to the front and muttered in a barely audible voice:
“...That’s a relief.”
I didn’t know if he meant it was a relief I hadn’t gotten wet, or that I hadn’t ruined the clothes. Both reasons came to mind, but somehow, it felt like neither. It was such a trivial thing, yet the expression on Kwon Yido’s face was oddly sentimental.
“I have to go to the U.S. for a bit.”
I blinked at the sudden statement. A streetlight cast an oblique glow across his sharp nose. Resting his wrist on the steering wheel, he spoke slowly.
“There’s a Citigroup shareholders’ meeting.”
How can someone look like that?
I saw him almost every day, and still, in moments like this, I couldn’t get used to it.
“...How long will you be gone?”
Citigroup was the company where Kwon Yido served as an external director. This was likely a routine visit, but given the distance, it would take some time.
“I’ll leave tomorrow...”
He trailed off, subtly furrowing his brow. Then, as if something occurred to him, his eyes curved gently.
“About a week.”
“...”
A week. Starting tomorrow, I would be alone in that massive house for a week. Well, technically not alone—the staff would be there.
“I’ll bring back a gift.”
He said it lightly and smoothly turned the steering wheel. At some point, we’d arrived near his house.
“Anything you want?”
Should I ask for that document?
If I had to get it anyway, it might be better to get it from him directly.
“...Nothing.”
But that was just wishful thinking. Bringing up the terms of the engagement, confessing what my father had said, asking what he thought of it all... There was still too much missing between us for that.
“Then think about it over the week. If you still don’t want anything after that, I might want to take back the car key.”
“...Is that a threat?”
“Maybe.”
The car key was still sitting in my room. I hadn’t used it once—it was right there on the table.
“I really... I’m fine.”
Kwon Yido wanted me to accept everything he gave, but I had the strong feeling that if I took it all, I might explode. At this rate, his idea of a light gift—three cars—would turn into three houses someday.
“You’re already giving me everything I need.”
By then, he had driven into the garage and smoothly parked the car. Until he changed gears and turned off the ignition, he didn’t say a word. I wondered if, just maybe, he was upset this time. That thought had barely formed when he finally spoke in a low voice.
“I know. That you don’t need anything.”
His pheromone-laced voice wasn’t angry—just flat. Monotone. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached over toward me.
“I know that you’re someone without greed, Jung Sejin. And I know that even if I don’t give you anything, you’re someone who can get anything on your own.”
click—Kwon Yido unfastened my seatbelt with his left hand. whir—As the belt retracted, his upper body slowly leaned toward me. From a handspan away, he murmured in a soft voice:
“This is just my greed.”
“...Greed?”
“Because for at least a week, while choosing that item... I want you to think of me.”
The distance was close enough that breathing became a conscious effort. His intermittent, shaky breath felt like it might touch me. Just a handspan apart, his lowered eyes met mine, slowly.
“And when you use that item, I want you to be aware of me too.”
His hand brushed past my ear, trailing along my jawline, then stopped at the knot of my necktie. He adjusted my shirt collar, smoothing it down as if checking the shape.
“Like today—how you couldn’t get wet because of the clothes I gave you.”
“That’s...”
“I’m just hoping for little changes like that.”
His final words were barely audible. Like they could disappear on the wind, like breath. My eyes flinched at the ticklish feeling near my ear, and he whispered gently:
“I’m going to kiss you... so close your eyes.”
As if casting a spell—at his words, my eyelids dropped shut. His lips landed softly, as light as a feather. Kwon Yido stayed there briefly, then cupped my chin and tilted his head.
...
We had been [N O V E L I G H T] standing in the rain before, so that’s why it felt cold. But now... it was warm, soft.
A tender tongue nudged between my lips. It lingered between my teeth as if asking permission. When I didn’t resist, it slowly delved deeper. The sensation of him entering my mouth sent chills down my spine.
It felt like my brain was melting. His pheromones mixed with saliva loosened the tension in my entire body. Kwon Yido’s tongue entangled with mine, and the hand that had gripped the armrest slid to the back of my head.
His long fingers tangled through my hair—no matter how many times I felt it, it was always strangely arousing. The back of my head, my nape, behind my ears, the curve of my ear—his careful fingers touched them all. Tilting my head, he brushed my eyelid with the other hand.
It felt like he was trying to memorize me. As if he wanted to remember everything that touched him, Kwon Yido poured his entire focus into me. I could tell from the pheromones drifting out of him, and the occasional trembling in his breath.
...
I trembled my lashes and gripped his wrist. If I didn’t hold on somehow, I felt like I’d fall into some abyss from the overwhelming satisfaction. Rather than pull away, Kwon Yido deepened the kiss.
To think a single kiss could feel this fulfilling. If I’d known, I might’ve reached out to him sooner.
A wave of euphoria surged from deep in my gut. Every time his tongue rubbed against mine, the fine hairs on my nape prickled.
Only after indulging fully did he finally pull back, brushing my neck with his fingers. His eyes were slow to rise, his pupils dark with lingering heat.
“Jung Sejin.”
His voice was lower than usual. Yet still clear. Still elegant, as always.
“I’m someone who can give you more than you think.”
His pheromones—usually heavy like wet wood—now bloomed like flowers. Sweet enough to make my head spin, like a scent meant to lure in prey.
“Nothing to lose. You might as well say anything.”
“...There’s nothing I want.”
I tried to sound as sincere as possible, but it felt like he’d seen through me. Kwon Yido looked at me steadily, then smiled with his eyes.
“Well... then I’ll ask again in a week.”
He straightened up and took something from the back seat. Holding out the shopping bag toward me, he said:
“Take it. It’s the perfume I mentioned.”
A white ribbon was tied around the bag, with the name of the cosmetics brand we’d talked about written on it. I peeked inside to see a white box. I hadn’t noticed because of his pheromones, but a pleasant scent wafted up from the bag.
“Thank you. I’ll use it well.”
The only perfumes I’d ever used were the ones Mr. Kim occasionally brought me. Usually some poor imitation of a pheromone meant to fake being an omega. Not that it ever worked.
“Every time I use it, I’ll think of you.”
“....”
I said it absentmindedly, and Kwon Yido paused. He exhaled softly, blinking slowly. Then he let out a short laugh and muttered to himself.
“Are you doing this on purpose...”
He looked genuinely pleased. That faint smile of his made even me feel a little better just looking at it.
“Let’s go in. You must be tired.”
I didn’t open the perfume yet. I planned to check it once I got to my room. Honestly, his pheromones would help me remember him more than any perfume. But I didn’t say that out loud.
***
The perfume Kwon Yido had gifted me came in a transparent, grass-colored bottle, adorned with tiny fabric petals and cubic crystals. The cap was shaped like a round bead, and the ribbon wrapped around the neck looked almost like translucent wings. Fitting for a product inspired by lily of the valley, the design was nothing short of delicately pure.
At first, the scent was deeply refreshing, but over time it gradually shifted into something like watered-down floral notes. The lingering trace wasn’t overpowering—reminiscent of the bath product I’d used a few days ago, carrying hints of jasmine and rose. After fully savoring the fragrance, I paused briefly in thought, then transferred a bit of it into the small decanter that came with the set.
And the next morning, just as Kwon Yido was about to leave the house, I said to him:
“Could you give me your hand for a second?”
“My hand?”
Today again, Kwon Yido looked impeccably dressed in a plain suit paired with a two-button vest. His necktie had a slight grayish tint, and if you looked closely, you could make out the brand logo subtly embedded in the weave.
“My hand—why all of a sudden...”
Though puzzled, he offered his hand to me without protest. Palm facing upward, his hand was about a joint longer than mine. I gently wrapped my hand around his, and he silently observed everything I did.
“...Are you putting on perfume?” 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢
“Yes, the one you gave me yesterday.”
Instead of spraying his wrist, I aimed for the upper side of his hand. After applying the perfume there, I handed him the now-empty hand. It’s a strange way to put it, but he held out his other hand to me too, almost like a well-trained puppy. I placed the backs of both his hands together and allowed a slight curve to lift the corners of my lips.
“I heard that for people working desk jobs, spraying perfume on the backs of the hands makes it last longer than the wrist.”
Kwon Yido gazed at my face. As if asking, So? I pressed the small decanter into his palm and raised my head to meet his eyes.
“Now, until that scent fades... you’ll be thinking of me.”