Black Badger
Chapter 568: Soliloquy and Inner Thoughts (1)
I stared blankly at the ghostlike image of Kyle in front of me.
Half-risen from my spot, I gawked at it like an idiot and muttered,
“Ah, I’m dreaming.”
Kyle’s ghost twisted his face.
But I didn’t care. Anything could happen in dreams. After splitting from Kairos and Rei, I’d often had dreams with all kinds of bizarre content.
This wasn’t even that surprising.
I slapped my own left cheek.
Smack!
“...? That hurts.”
‘Are you stupid?’
Kyle’s ghost said.
He looked at me with utter disdain as I stupidly clutched my cheek.
‘How many times do I have to tell you this isn’t a dream?’
“You’ve said things like that in dreams more than once.”
Even as I answered blankly, I was still feeling the sting in my cheek.
Why does it hurt?
“I’m on watch, I’m not supposed to fall asleep.”
Was I drowsy because of the medicine?
This time I stretched my other cheek hard.
But even with the sharp pain, I didn’t wake up. As I kept tugging at my cheek in confusion, Kyle’s ghost stared at what I was doing.
His brows arched in that familiar expression that said, let’s see how far this idiot goes.
The moment I raised my hand to slap my right cheek too, he finally snapped his mouth open.
‘Hey!’
The shout made me flinch.
‘Do you still not understand the situation? It’s not like I smacked you over the head.’
“Don’t get mad.”
I grumbled that and raised my hand again, this time really intending to hit my right cheek.
Kyle shoved his face close and growled,
‘Don’t even think about slapping yourself.’
No, but it’s my cheek.
I looked at Kyle with sullen eyes.
“I was on watch, so I need to wake up already.”
‘This is driving me insane. So now you’re not even going to listen to what I say?’
“If it’s not a dream, then what is it?”
This time I answered flatly.
“The last time too, I woke up after seeing you petting something like a unicorn.”
‘Exactly! Back then you were asleep and I was awake! Don’t you remember me telling you not to pop up in broad daylight and make me look like some lunatic talking to empty air?’
“So this time it’s the reverse?”
I blinked.
Then I studied Kyle carefully as he sighed and ran a hand back through his hair.
He looked the same as ever. His black hair hung long, and his sharp eyes were exactly as I remembered.
His clothes were neat too. Seeing the well-tailored outfit that suited his face so well, I felt a quiet sense of relief.
Is this really not a dream?
For the first time, I started doubting my own assumption.
Did something get twisted again, like when I fell into the portal where Cecil was?
I whipped my head around and looked at my surroundings.
Supply Depot, 5th Floor.
Nothing had changed.
All the candles had been extinguished. The heavy darkness of midnight had settled like fog.
When I listened closely, I could still hear the rain.
The seniors were all buried in their sleeping bags. Their steady breathing filled the fifth floor. Thanks to my golden eyes, I could more or less distinguish objects even in the dark, and the moment I saw the seniors sleeping peacefully, I relaxed a little.
But then... this really isn’t a dream?
“You’re not dead either?”
‘Didn’t you say you don’t believe in ghosts?’
Kyle answered with his arms crossed.
Like me, his golden eyes seemed to sweep over the fifth floor.
The half-transparent Kyle looked at the seniors and muttered irritably,
‘What is this mess. Camping?’
“No. There’s no way.”
I still only half believed this wasn’t a dream.
But I didn’t think slapping my cheeks any more would change anything, so I decided to just continue the conversation.
“We’re on a mission.”
‘A mission.’
Kyle snorted.
‘What mission is there when we disappeared?’
“It’s not like all monsters and Creatures vanished.”
I answered quietly while staring hard at his face.
I had no idea what this situation even was, but it still felt good to see his face again, even like this.
Kyle narrowed his eyes and looked at me only by moving his gaze.
“Kyle.”
I called his name softly.
The other man, who had looked like he was about to sneer at me, slowly eased the wrinkle between his brows.
‘What.’
“It’s still nice seeing you again.”
I looked at the familiar earring hanging from his ear.
“Even if you probably hate it.”
Kyle slowly turned his head toward me.
Behind his translucent figure, the blurred outline of the fifth floor showed through. It really felt like I was facing a ghost.
So I ignored the fact that he looked like he was about to say something and asked instead,
“You’re alive and well, right?”
‘I am!’
He snapped.
Then, just as he was about to lash out again, he saw me smiling the instant I heard the answer and gave me a look like I was an idiot.
‘You’re the one who stubbornly insisted and sent me away alive.’
“I did. Right.”
‘And this time too, thanks to Cecil, both you and I survived after nearly dying.’
“I know that too. I’m just glad it didn’t take too long.”
‘So after saving humans, these days you’re living while getting bombarded with resentment from them?’
“I haven’t heard it directly yet.”
I answered as I looked at my friend questioning me with his arms crossed.
“It might be because it hasn’t even been a week since I returned to active duty.”
‘Or maybe they’re scared of getting hit by you.’
“That could be it too. Honestly, there’s no way they wouldn’t resent me. I let the target of their revenge live.”
As I murmured calmly, Kyle made a strange expression.
‘So?’
“What?”
‘Are you just going to stand there and listen like an idiot when they blame you?’
“As long as it doesn’t come with violence, whatever.”
I answered while staring at Kyle, who somehow looked troubled.
“I don’t regret sending you away alive for even a single moment.”
But is he angry, or does he just not understand what I’m saying?
I couldn’t really read what was going on from his expression.
Then again, whether the Kyle in front of me was real or not, we were no longer in a relationship where we could read each other’s hearts so easily.
Even if distance had diluted our emotions, hatred toward me would still probably surge up in him sometimes.
Wouldn’t it, if I were in Kyle’s position?
Back when we trusted each other enough to leave our backs unguarded, Rei had always been there with us. It was hard to think of the good old days without Rei.
“Anyway, I hope you’re living well over there.”
I muttered that while looking at the translucent Kyle standing there with a complicated expression.
“Why haven’t I even seen you in dreams for a while?”
‘I told you this isn’t a dream.’
Kyle dropped the complicated look and grumbled.
For some reason, he seemed relieved that the topic had returned to dreams.
‘I don’t know why this phenomenon is even happening. And it did go quiet for a while.’
“Did something change?”
I grabbed my cheek and stretched it again.
Kyle sighed.
‘No idea. And how long are you going to keep doing that stupid thing?’
“Why are you so certain this isn’t a dream or a hallucination?”
‘Because dreams aren’t this vivid! Every single time you appeared in front of me like a ghost, I was definitely awake. I honestly don’t get how you’re the one who can’t believe this.’
“Well, because I used to dream about you a lot.”
I muttered while looking at the jingling golden earring.
“Even when I had dreams like this, the sensations in them were always vivid too.”
And if the dream had been happy, waking up afterward had always been pretty painful.
Right now, though, it felt strangely too vivid to really be a dream...
“I can’t rule out hallucinations either.”
‘Are we really going to argue about this now?’
Kyle answered, rolling his eyes.
‘At this rate I’d rather stab your heart again.’
“What if I developed some kind of mental illness?”
‘Think whatever you want. I don’t have the confidence to convince you anymore.’
“Sorry.”
His words, edged with something sharp, made my chest ache.
I smiled awkwardly to hide it.
“I am considering what you’re saying.”
Kyle sighed and slowly lifted the head he’d lowered.
As I received his sideways glare, I rubbed the back of my neck.
“At the same time, I’m considering other possibilities too. To be honest, I do sometimes talk to you while staring at empty air.”
‘What? Why?’
“Don’t ask. Anyway, I thought maybe that not-very-healthy symptom had gotten worse...”
“Hildebert.”
A voice came from behind me.
The heavy tone shattered the stillness of midnight. A familiar, unmistakably clear voice.
I felt every nerve in my body snap taut in an instant.
For a moment, I stood frozen in place.
Then I slowly turned my head, and a familiar sight came into view.
The fifth floor of the supply depot, still buried in darkness.
The seniors who had been lying there asleep were now all sitting upright.
And every single one of them was staring at me.
Even without candlelight, I could tell their expressions were anything but ordinary.
They hadn’t just woken up.
It seemed they had been listening to me mutter and carry on this conversation for quite a while.
“Sunbaenim.”
Under the Badgers’ sharp stares, a chill ran down my spine.
I muttered, not really to anyone in particular,
“I’m sorry. For being loud...”
“Who are you talking to?”
Ricardo cut me off in a low voice.
The green gaze fixed on me was sharp.
“What do you see?”
“Ric.”
I answered in a hoarse voice.
And then I couldn’t continue for a moment.
“That...”
“Kyle.”
Yun quietly broke the silence too.
His expression and voice were so calm that it was actually frightening.
“So Kyle is what you’re seeing right now.”
“Yun, I mean—”
“Hilde, have you been talking to Kyle while staring at empty space even normally?”
There was no laughter in Ami’s voice when she cut me off with that question. No tears either.
“And now you can even see Kyle’s form in the empty air?”
“That was just talking to myself.”
I protested reflexively.
“Unlike now...”
‘Ha, right.’
Kyle, still standing beside me without disappearing, spoke in a biting voice.
‘I didn’t get caught this blatantly, but you barged into my space and talked to me too, and I got treated like this. That’s why I told you to pick the time and place when you show up.’
“Have you been thinking all this time that we resented you for letting Kyle live?”
Carl cut into the conversation too.
“You assumed that on your own and never even asked?”
At that point, I clamped my mouth shut.
Then I stood there stiffly, unable to figure out what I should even say first.
A heavy silence settled over the fifth floor again.
At the edge of ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) my lowered vision, lost in confusion, I saw the translucent Kyle lazily walking forward.
‘It wasn’t this nakedly obvious, at least.’
He said something utterly unhelpful.
‘I do feel a tiny bit guilty, but I don’t think this is my fault.’
Please just shut up...
But don’t disappear.
I forced down the urge to bury my face in my hands and thought exactly that.