Throwback to nine-year-old Taesan

Taesan’s POV

The office door closes as dad comes in with hurried steps, I’m hiding under the desk with my face wet from crying.

I don’t want to go back to grandpa’s place, he is too mean and I don’t like it.

Last time, he made me kill my pet bird, and when I refused, he killed it by himself in front of me...and then shot my mom.

I don’t want to see another pet of mine get killed...I don’t want to see mom get hurt again.

Grandpa is so happy about being mean, and I don’t want to be a Kang anymore, I just want to be a normal boy.

"Are you really following through with it?" my mom asks my dad as he enters the room.

They have been talking in whispers to each other a lot these days, I don’t really know what they are talking about, but I’m scared.

Everything about this family scares me.

"Haseul, you know I don’t have a choice but to do it" dad says as he lifts his glasses to rub his eyes, he looks so tired and he hasn’t been at home for some days now.

I heard him say something about overthrowing grandpa...I don’t know what overthrow means, but I know it’s scary.

"Your father is wasting the lives of those kids, they don’t deserve any of it" mom says and dad makes a choked noise.

"I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to hurt any of them, but it’s you or them" dad yells, but mom doesn’t flinch at dad’s raised voice, he just folds his arms and stays still.

"Then choose them" he says and dad looks disgusted at mom’s word.

"Don’t say things like to me" dad says and my mom moves away from him, he wraps his arms around himself as he does.

"I live in a dangerous world anyways, I will be sacrificed one way or the other, it’s better it happens sooner than later" mom says and I understand what he means.

Sacrifice.

My grandfather taught me that we live in a world of sacrifices, a world of give and take, a world where we must pay for everything.

Give and take, take and give, it’s all sacrifice.

"You have a twelve-year-old daughter and a nine-year-old son to take care of, sacrificing is not your job, it’s mine" dad growls and the noise makes me flinch.

I hate when dad gets upset like this, I hate when they argue like this, I wish it will all go away.

"Sacrificing will be my job if you refuse to step up" mom says in a cold voice.

"A male omega like me has no use in your world" he adds and dad’s shoulders drop tiredly, "you mean the world to me Haseul, please don’t say scary things like that" dad pleads.

Mom goes to him and kisses his cheeks and I make a face, not wanting to see them kiss, it’s yucky when they get affectionate like dad.

"It’s unfortunate that my destiny has been written in stone" mom says.

"I’ll rewrite it, for you, our daughter and for our son" dad says, holding my mom’s hands.

Mom chuckles, "I know you try your best, honey, but let’s admit, your father is stronger than we can try to beat" he says.

A knock on the door makes them separate from each other.

"I’ll see to it" dad says and leaves the room, and once he’s gone, mom walks to the table and squats in front of it.

"Hello, baby boy" he says and I whisper a small hi, I feel guilty for listening in on their conversation.

"When will grandpa stop hurting our family?" I ask and mom sits on the floor, not minding that he’s dressed in white designer clothes.

"Soon" he says and I sigh.

"Sannah, those are things you should worry about right now, you are a baby" he reaches under the table to ruffle my hair.

"Grandpa says dad is weak" I say what I’ve heard my grandfather say about his son over and over again.

"He says that because your dad doesn’t want to be like him, your dad wants to put an end to the wickedness of their world" my mom says and places his hands on his lap.

"I hate it" I whisper and mom laughs, a genuine laughter that makes his eyes almost disappear.

"Do you want ice-cream?" he asks and I shake my head.

"I want ice-cream, mom" my older sister, the member of the family that we hide from the world, Kang Taerin says from the door.

"Good then, let’s put on our disguises and go, no more sad talks" mom says and gets up to leave.

I am reluctant to leave my hiding place, but I do it anyways, crawling out from under the desk and following my noona to my room.

She always picks out my disguises.

I watch her pick my clothes without caring about what I just heard, she has been hidden from birth, the member of this family that grandpa doesn’t know.

Dad said when grandpa saw that the first Kang grandchild was a girl, he asked them to get rid of her.

I was seven when they told me that grandpa attempted to murder her and would have succeeded if they hadn’t taken Noona out of the car just one minute before the bomb exploded.

"Stop worrying" Taerin noona says.

"I can’t help it, it’s like my mind is a machine" I say and sit on my bed and push away the toy car near me.

Even my toys don’t feel like toys anymore.

If I like any one of the toys too much and grandpa finds out, he will use it against me, he will destroy it bit by bit till I do what he wants.

"Sannie, you’re only nine, you should live like your age" my sister says and throws a shirt at me.

I wish I can.

I stop living like my age from the moment I am able to recognize the alphabet.

"Try that shirt" she says and I get up to put it on, "it’s too big" I complain.

"It will hide your frame well" she says and mom peeks in, he’s dressed in a shirt that almost looks like a dress.

It’s a very pretty one on him.

"Is my baby still worrying?" he asks and noona starts to complain about my sad mood, "you need to cheer up, remember nothing lasts forever" mom says with a bright smile.

"Come on, come on, let’s go enjoy some ice-cream" he grins.

My sister and I didn’t know that someone was already counting down to the days to when they will attack and kill our parents.