“That’s right.”

Yeah. I never expected anything from my brother anyway. That’s just who he is. Other people matter more to him than I do, even though I’m his little brother.

All the strength drained right out of me. My own weak voice felt like it was dragging both my legs out from under me. I almost staggered, but I forced myself to stay upright out of sheer stubbornness. Maybe I’d lost too much blood from my nose, because I was so dizzy I could barely see straight, but I kept my eyes wide open.

If I cry here, I’m an idiot.

Blinking hard so I wouldn’t cry, I glared up at my brother’s face.

“That’s who you are. A hero.”

Because you’re someone who can’t be anything but a hero. It’s fine. I’m used to it. Whatever.

“Take him.”

This kind of thing happened all the time anyway, and something like this wasn’t even enough to count as a wound anymore.

“Right.”

“Hey. And after that? What are you going to do with him? Hand him over to the village head or something?”

Luman frowned.

Temar hoisted the man up in one motion, slung him over his shoulder, and turned away.

“That’s the plan.”

“And that’s it?”

“You want me to do more?”

At my brother’s question, Luman looked over at me.

“You should at least let your little brother vent his anger.”

Temar turned to me at Luman’s matter-of-fact answer.

“Do you want that, Ren?”

“No. Just hurry up and come back. I was going to give you—”

Forget it. Give him what? Why do I keep trying to say the same thing over and over? Pathetic. He doesn’t even listen to what I say.

“Forget it.”

“Okay.”

It felt like something had slipped out of place.

Like my brother and I just couldn’t understand each other.

My chest felt so blocked up, so suffocating, I wanted to pound on it.

“What’s wrong with you two all of a sudden?”

“.......”

“.......”

Temar just went down the hill like that.

He’s really going like that? He’s not going to ask me anything? He’s not even going to ask if I’m okay?

No. He’ll look back at least.

I stared blankly at my brother’s retreating back.

After glancing back and forth between the two of us, Luman knit his brows.

There he goes again. Again. Leaving me behind by myself.

Yeah, sure, he’s a hero, so I’m the one who has to understand. I always knew other people came before me for him. It’s not like that’s news.

If I died, he probably wouldn’t even care.

Maybe that would actually be a relief. 𝕗𝗿𝕖𝐞𝐰𝗲𝕓𝐧𝕠𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝐨𝚖

“Are you crying?”

“.......”

“I don’t carry handkerchiefs or anything.”

“...Hic.”

I really hate him. I hate him. I’m really, really going to hate him.

“This is awkward.”

Luman gave my shoulder a clumsy pat, then sighed.

“What am I even doing?”

“Hic... ngh... I don’t need your comfort or whatever. Go away.”

Fuck! Why is my nose running too, what the hell.

I cried in ugly, hitching little gasps. I kept holding my breath because I didn’t want to cry, then having to let it out in great heaving bursts because I was suffocating. My breathing kept climbing higher until even my shoulders were jerking with it, and then suddenly my whole view shot upward.

“What are—hic—you doing! Put me down!!”

“Sorry, but I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

“Put me down!! Hic... put me down!”

Luman just lifted me up and started walking slowly back toward the shack.

“Put me down!!”

I’m not going back home!!

I don’t even want to look at my brother’s face!!

“For fuck’s sake. What am I even doing....”

“Put me—hhngh—down!”

“Why am I taking care of a kid?”

Luman stopped walking for a second and looked at me.

His eyes were too bright. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all.

My shoulders shook while I kept hiccuping, trying to hold back the crying that wouldn’t stop, and then Luman poked me in the forehead. That yellow light I’d seen earlier flashed for a second.

“Cry properly.”

Luman looked around once, then grinned. His golden eyes curved shut.

“I... I hngh... I hate my brother the most....”

Waaaah.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Hic... ngh... my brother’s an idiot. My brother is....”

“Mm. Yeah, yeah.”

“He’s a shit idiot who can’t even tell that woman had orc arms, hic....”

“Pfft. Right. Right.”

He’s such an idiot he couldn’t even tell that woman he bumped into had orc arms, and he doesn’t understand how I feel either.

Waaahhh.

It felt like every last bit of misery I’d bottled up till now was exploding out of me. Luman’s responses were lazy and half-assed, but my real feelings just kept spilling out anyway.

Why the hell was I saying all this to someone I’d met for the first time today? But if I didn’t say it, it felt like my heart was going to explode right out of my chest.

Why does it always end like this with my brother... waaah...

Why!! What did I do wrong that he’s leaving me behind again?! Is it because I’m not a good little brother? Because I don’t suit being the hero’s little brother? But if I acted nice all the time, people just bullied me. They looked down on me and made me do every little thing... treated me like I was stupid because I was younger!! They envied me for having a hero for a brother!!

It’s not like I wanted to be a bad little brother!! I never wanted to be the village brat everybody yelled about!!

But if I couldn’t be the perfectly good little brother, then being a wild little bastard was better.

That way people only cursed me, and at least my brother didn’t get dragged down with me....

“My brother doesn’t even know how I feel... snff.”

“Right. Mm.”

“Why does he keep just leaving again, hic.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“No matter what... hic... he could at least ask if I’m okay――! Waaaah!”

“...Mm. Up we go.”

In a voice that didn’t sound strained at all, Luman said, “Up we go,” and hitched me higher.

“Still a long way to go. If your eyes swell up like a carp’s, I’m not responsible.”

“Waaaah. Uuugh.”

Who said anything about taking the guy to a doctor!? I never complained about him acting like a hero!! And me begging him not to go was all when I was little, wasn’t it?! Now I get it. Not gladly... but still, I’m letting him go anyway!

Then, then at the very least, shouldn’t he worry about his little brother?

Shouldn’t he ask if I’m okay?

If my brother asked if I was okay, then I, I—

I think everything would feel okay again.

Luman circled around the shack over and over until my tears finally stopped.

He answered me in an annoyed voice, but his hands were warm.

By the time he laid me down on the bed, I’d already fallen asleep like I’d blacked out.

Luman’s sigh sounded like a lullaby, and I never heard the sound of my brother coming back.

***

“For fuck’s sake.”

After laying Ren down, Luman dragged over a chair and sat.

Resting his chin on one hand as he stared at the boy, he suddenly let out ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) a sigh.

“He was twitching around like he was about to collapse, but he held out a surprisingly long time.”

Most of what Ren had said through all that miserable crying had come out slurred and mangled, hard to make out. Even so, two words had still lodged themselves cleanly in Luman’s ears.

Brother and idiot.

For a second, Luman pictured Ren bawling with that face all red and swollen like a bursting tomato, then bit down on his lip.

Ah, shit. He’s being serious. I shouldn’t laugh.

Luman cleared his throat.

“Pfft.”

But it was hopeless.

For a while at least, every time he saw Ren’s face, he’d probably remember that red, sobbing face and want to laugh again.

“I should control myself.”

He’d expected Ren to get mad that his attempts at comforting him were half-assed. That part had actually been surprising.

Maybe the kid was gentler than he looked.

Without bothering to stop his thoughts from drifting toward Ren, Luman pulled the blanket up over him. Moving around without profit in it wasn’t really his style, but then again, soothing a child wasn’t exactly something that took much effort.

Should I count this as a final courtesy from a hero?

Smiling to himself, Luman rose from the chair.

The sun had already set.

Normally, by now, he and Temar should’ve already been well on their way. Usually Temar would have followed him right away, no questions asked, but today everything had gotten strangely tangled. That sudden insistence on bringing his little brother too, for one.

“He must be worried.”

Luman judged it dryly, without any real sentiment behind it.

Ren was pitifully skinny and far too pale, but he was beautiful.

Not just pretty. Ridiculously, insanely beautiful.

Even in the capital, even in other kingdoms—hell, even in the Empire—there were only a handful of boys or girls he’d ever seen who were as beautiful as Ren.

His hair, bright as pure gold, was dry and rough as hell, but even that almost looked like it was shining. More than anything, maybe it was his eyes that were exceptionally beautiful.

And if you went piece by piece, his long fingers were beautiful too. He was thin, sure, but the basic lines of his bones and frame seemed naturally straight and fine. His waist and neck weren’t bent either....

“Hm.”

Was this the first time?

Something like that bastard groping his ass, I mean.

Disgust twisted Luman’s face.

Temar had only stayed rooted here for one year. Before that, Ren had mostly lived alone. Was that why they’d deliberately gotten a house all the way out here, isolated from everyone else?

“One year.”

Wasn’t it still far too soon for a world that no longer needed heroes?

Considering Temar was already being dragged back after not even one full year, that sure seemed to be the case.

So shouldn’t someone stop already?

Thinking of his own objective, Luman swallowed back a smile.

Unfortunately for Temar’s little brother, if he stepped down from the role of hero, the burden would only shift onto the ones who remained. That might make it even harder for Ren to see Temar from now on.

Thinking that way made Ren look a little pitiful.

“My rule is not to care about other people.”

But there were too many things in this world that didn’t go the way you wanted.

Without giving it much thought, Luman stepped out of the shack.

If Temar insisted on bringing Ren with him, maybe he’d help persuade the kid a little. And while he was at it, maybe he could smooth over the mood between the two of them too, since their whole conversation kept missing each other’s point.

His sharpened senses told him Temar was on his way back.