My eyes went misty looking at the glittering palanquin.

Biju’s eyes sparkled.

"That’s not the end!"

"It isn’t?!"

"We put in a special custom order, so when you press this button..."

The youngest hit Enter on the laptop, and a new effect appeared on the screen.

[ Fanfare! ]

Music-show ending confetti poured down from the palanquin into the sky. The moment I saw it, tears welled up.

"You went this far for me..."

"That’s not something we do for just anyone," Ri Hyuk bragged.

"I only got to ride that precious palanquin once, for my birthday. Be properly grateful this time."

"Thanks."

Still pointing at the glittering palanquin in the slides, I asked:

"But I’m curious about one thing, Biju."

"Yes."

"Even if I’m light, the palanquin itself must be heavy. I’m worried someone’s wrist could go out from lifting it."

We’ve got concerts in Chile and Brazil soon; it’d be bad if someone had to sit out with a wrist injury.

I pictured our passionate South American fans asking us questions.

—My goodness! Ri Hyuk! Are you okay? How did your wrist get hurt?

—From carrying Wooju in a palanquin.

—You were doing that right before our concert...?

I imagined South American fans disappointed enough to leave the fandom. Throwing flaming underwear.

At my concern, Biju answered with a pleased smile.

"There’s no need to worry about that at all. In everyday mode, wheels extend underneath—it’s a powered palanquin."

"..."

"We’ll use that on flat ground. As for lifting, Junhyun will do ninety percent of the work, and the rest of us will cover the other ten."

I pictured our third member moving a concert prop that normally takes ten adult men—by himself.

If it’s Junhyun, you can trust him.

I nodded, satisfied, and Biju continued the presentation.

"In ‘Sun Wooju’s Rest Work Diary,’ we’ll provide service on par with a five-star hotel. First, wake-up call! Step forward!"

Ri Hyuk raised his hand with a sulky face.

Biju beamed.

"We’ll do the wake-up call with a song Ri Hyuk chooses!"

"Oh."

I couldn’t help smiling.

"Then please sing ‘Be With Me’ by Teacher Noh Jaehyun—rock °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° version."

"No."

"You said the wake-up call would be with the song I want...?"

Biju nodded.

"Yes, as I said, the wake-up call will be with the song ‘Ri Hyuk wants.’"

"That’s not a service..."

Various services followed.

"Right now you’re mindlessly eating things like pork hock, but you do need to manage your gastritis."

"R-right."

"So here’s my question. What food is actually good for gastritis? There’s one thing rich in vitamins, minerals, calcium, and pectin that’s good for it."

I didn’t know, but one look at Biju’s face told me.

The youngest tapped the keys, and a red apple appeared, glowing golden.

"Apples."

"...I knew it."

"Blogs say apples are rich in vitamins A, B, and C, which help with gastritis. Easy to digest and strengthens blood vessels—the all-purpose fruit, the apple! We plan to provide an apple service for you."

"I just searched; apples aren’t great for gastritis."

"Oh—really?"

Apple service scrapped.

In that way, as the kids explained how they’d take care of me this time, their eyes shone.

"Our goal for this special is to make you say ‘I really rested well.’"

"That’s all," they concluded, and fireworks popped-pop! on the slide. I burst out laughing without meaning to.

A lot of it was random and weird, but I was grateful for their thoughtfulness.

"But, you know."

If there was one thing I hesitated about:

"Can’t I move on my own two feet?"

"Absolutely not."

"I mean, even going to eat—riding the palanquin is a bit..."

"It’s fine."

"I’m the one not fine."

I was already embarrassed picturing people murmuring every time I rolled up in a palanquin to eat.

I widened my eyes and pleaded, but the kids shook their heads.

"Just trust your juniors."

"We’ll handle everything."

Will I really be able to rest during this song camp?

I was already starting to feel doomed.

After the presentation.

"Ah!"

"It’s starting!"

We packed up the projector and quickly turned on the TV.

We cut it close; on TV the HBS logo flashed with the message, "Under 15, bring a guardian~"

[ Last week! ]

I watched episode 2 on Netflux in America, but watching live in Korea this time made my heart race.

There’s a special flavor to first-run broadcast.

Last week’s episode rolled: the vampire’s identity was revealed, and Taehyun appeared.

"Ha ha ha ha!"

The recap ended with me finally appearing as a lady.

Now my heart was pounding for a different reason.

"...We should’ve turned it on a bit later."

Back then I was so deep into variety filming that I wore a dress and carried a sword and shield without a shred of embarrassment.

But in hindsight I regretted it.

Like when I won first place with slapstick at the company talent show during my TJ Entertainment trainee days—caught up in the vibe, la-di-da, but thinking it over later made my heart thud-thud.

"Ugggh..."

Seeing me writhe, the kids’ laughter ramped up.

The youngest snickered.

"Why so embarrassed? I’m proud of how you swung that sword."

"Ugh... maybe that’s why my stomach burns a little."

"...!"

Before I’d even finished, the youngest shouted:

"He says his stomach burns!"

"Turn the volume down, quick!"

"Hyung, are you okay?"

I mm’d and nodded to them—and smiled to myself inside.

Volume-down success.

While NewBlack’s leader squinted "ugh" and watched himself,

Viewers were roaring.

"Ahahahahaha!"

"I’m losing it. How can he be that impish? Never seen anyone sprint like that in a dress."

"He’s beating Dracula to a pulp."

On screen, Sun Wooju, with the members, pummeled Dracula.

It was the scene that first made viewers’ eyes go blank.

"Are they allowed to do that?"

What viewers expected was this:

Holy water that can erase Dracula.

Use the holy water—Biju and Wooju act as bait, the other members coordinate the counterattack.

But the scene unfolding was the complete opposite.

Wooju in a dress did pull-ups, showing off back muscles, then started whooshing the sword around.

—That’s the physique of a lady who’s completed military service

—A lady who did service lololololol

—Even a vampire can’t do anything against a sturdy lady who completed two years of duty

—Butler: My lady, a letter has arrived... your reserve training notice!

—Wooju probably conquered high society in a different sense from Biju

—High society (physical)

—(Junhyun slices a watermelon with one stroke and the cutting board splits too.gif) The bodyguard knight is cracked, too

—A lady with military service guarded by the world’s strongest

—I’m dying lolololololol

—Funniest thing I’ve seen on variety this year lol

While general viewers howled,

Souffle fans grinned for another reason.

"They’ve all been working out."

At debut they’d seemed super slim; now they were bulked up.

It used to be just skinny; now they looked solid.

From boys to young men—the impression made Souffles smile for no reason.

—You have... trained hard... ho ho ho

—Don’t laugh like that... we look pervy

—Confirming my idol’s robust health via lady cosplay... that’s classic NewBlack stanning

—I want to save the clip but I can’t bring myself to hit capture

—I’m only capturing the tight face shots

—Full-body Lady Sun Wooju pic... supply with no demand

—No no, true supply-with-no-demand is Gyuho Magical Princess pics

As fans bantered, Dracula’s three brides were being dispatched by the other members.

"I’ve never seen actors look so outmatched."

"Of all places, they ran into NewBlack in Korea. Not that all Koreans are like that..."

"It does feel that way. Like foods Koreans eat a lot that you hesitate to introduce to foreigners."

They were Koreans hoping the actors would still think well of Korea.

After successfully defeating Dracula, the members finally boarded the escape boat after many twists.

There, Han Taehyun was about to introduce his real name.

[And when the Vampire Duke died, my real name came back to me! My name is Han... (Woo!)]

Startled by a sudden mechanism, Han Taehyun let out a "Woo!" The leader and minions waved and cheered.

[We’ll remember you, Mr. Hanwoo!]

[Mr. Hanwoo!]

Han Taehyun’s fans cackled, happy he was getting a variety persona.

"Thank you, NewBlack. My boy isn’t the type to break character easily..."

They’d felt a vague lack when variety shows only hyped him like a top star; this was nice.

They smiled, thinking they’d repay with streaming later.

And then—

As NewBlack finally escaped and fireworks went up, the behind-the-scenes rolled immediately.

"It’s over."

At the end of the main episode, viewers picked up the remote.

Honestly, how funny could a behind-the-scenes be? They were about to switch channels when—

[ Sha-la-la-la~ ]

With a romance-fantasy-ish BGM, curious captions appeared.

[Today’s romance-fantasy special turned into a full-on horror special.]

[But this...!]

[Was not the production’s intention.]

A black screen with the caption "Some time ago" drew all eyes.

"Huh? The behind-the-scenes feels weird."

"Yeah."

We’d expected the usual:

A few funny moments cut from the main, some info on locations or neat stage devices.

But what was airing felt like production commentary.

[Oh dear.]

[Ah... so the script is scrapped, then?]

[Whoops! Off the route again.]

Panelists and staff murmured on walkie-talkies, giving instructions.

Like something had gone wrong—plans off the rails.

"What even is that?"

Tense captions rose over a black screen.

[So... what happened?]

Beep-beep—date and "HBS Broadcasting" captioned over a shot of the station exterior.

In a meeting room, the production meticulously prepped the script.

"This is the branching point. In Route A, after Biju goes down the lady path, he rejoins Wooju right away."

"There might be a fight over succession rights, so we’ll place things like this..."

"Route D honestly won’t happen."

They slashed branching lines across a whiteboard.

We blinked at that.

"Was that in there?"

"No, I don’t think we ever saw that."

"What is that?"

Words like "crown prince" were written on the whiteboard. We were baffled.

The theme was romance fantasy, but none of that had appeared.

[After broadcast, the flood of questions on the viewer board]

Captured posts appeared.

—You called it romance fantasy but there wasn’t any related content

—With NewBlack you could’ve made romance-fantasy really fun... but it was all horror, pity ㅠ

—Shame they didn’t use the theme

With BGM screaming "The production was so, so wronged!", the explanation continued.

An interview with Kevin, one of the panelists.

"It’s Eunseong!"

"Ugh. I hate that guy’s face."

[Heh. No, the escape wasn’t supposed to proceed like that at all... NewBlack sunbaenims literally broke everything. We were looking at the script and panicking.]

To prove it, behind-the-scenes cut to the panelists murmuring.

They looked at the script, went "Huh?" at our scene, then drew huge Xs across the script.

As curiosity peaked about what the story had been,

The production that had deftly wrangled us rolled the tape.

[So what was the original story?]

Our faces appeared in five split panels, each turning into a mini caricature.

Then our minis were placed on a castle map.

A VO by a professional narrator explained how the minis would move per script.

[As you know, in the original novel "The Princess Is the Strongest," there’s a sub male lead: the Empire’s Crown Prince.]

[And according to the production’s setup... he was imprisoned.]

The kids started looking at me.

"..."

"..."

I kept my eyes glued to the TV like I knew nothing.

The intended development began.

Mini Wooju bounced inside a jail, then a crown popped over his head.

[...From prison, Wooju realizes his identity in this novel is "the crown prince," and is given a hint.]

[There is one more person confined in this palace besides H.]

[The protagonist, Seraphia Eustin.]

An actor—costumed as green-haired Seraphia Eustin—sat demurely in a far room of the castle.

"Huh?"

"I’ve never seen her before."

The production seemed to smile at us.

An FD called the actor’s real name as she fidgeted.

"Eleanor?"

"Yes."

"You can go home."

"Sorry?"

With a stamp-like [Clocking Out!] caption, we stared blankly.

Viewers were probably dying laughing.

"Didn’t they say everyone practiced for a month?"

"T-they did."

"..."

"..."

Thankfully, the actor looked like, "Oh, sweet..." which was a relief.

Maybe worried we’d get criticized, they explained she’d have been an extra who gets taken out by Dracula the moment he shows his true colors after being rescued anyway.

"Whew."

"Man... I was really spooked."

"Then why didn’t they go with that storyline?"

Captions appeared.

[We were going to.]

[But...]

They showed our main vocalist slipping his paper-thin body through the bars to fetch a key.

[A place where escape was supposed to be impossible]

[He was supposed to break the wall behind, use the hint there, and then realize his identity]

We all looked at Ri Hyuk.

"..."

"What. It was funny, wasn’t it."

"...Fair."

We clucked our tongues at him even as we accepted it.

The production’s explanation rolled on.

And it was the same with the others. Instead of taking the easy route, they deliberately forged weird new ones...

"..."

"..."

Oof. My stomach really burns.

As we stared vacantly at the TV, big stamps slammed down: [Romance-Fantasy Route Failed!]

The youngest said:

"So basically, if we hadn’t gone wild and just waited, then chosen that route, it would’ve ended way easier and safer."

"Right."

"And the Vampire Count was like the final phase."

Apparently Dracula was supposed to appear at the very end, but we woke him up way too early.

Once the romance-fantasy plan was gone, only the horror part remained.

After spacing out for a bit, I checked comments online.

—Conclusion: self-sabotage

—lololololol idiots

—Fools

—Oh man lololol

—They pioneered the hardest route and then brute-forced it... genius or morons

—We call that faux-smart

—What faces are NewBlack making right now watching this BTS

—At first shooting each other side-eye, then staring off awkwardly by now

—Yup, this one knows NewBlack well

And it was true.

"..."

"..."

Watching the behind-the-scenes, our gazes drifted to the far mountains, and dry chuckles slipped out.

Biju muttered:

"What is this. We wrapped the shoot to get good ratings, but... this weird feeling of defeat..."

"..."

"..."

An escape variety where no one else was to blame—we’d done the hard labor ourselves.

It was a night that made even a lifelong teetotaler crave a drink.

The next day.

The rally point where people gathered to board the bus for the song camp.

There we realized just how high last night’s ratings were.

"Hey!"

Spotting us, the Producing Team staff swarmed in.

"Idiots!"

"Dummies!"

"Ke-ke-ke!"

Even the A&R staff joined, and the company people rushed us like a flock of pigeons.

We all bolted and waved our hands.

"Aiiiii! Go away!"

"I want to be alone, so scram!"

I truly regretted choosing today for the song camp.

Watching the crowd keep chasing, I shouted to the juniors carrying the palanquin:

"Minions, faster!"

"Yes!"

Junhyun boosted while carrying the palanquin, picking up speed. The other minions let go and ran alongside it.

Laughter followed from behind.

"Idiots! Idiots!"

"We’re not idiots!"

We were so wronged, we couldn’t believe anyone would call us that.