Life is always like this, changing its original form in moments without memory, no matter what you once desired most, in the end, you find out that it was all just a mirage.

"Child, I never intended to add insult to injury during your most difficult times. I am your father, and you should know that the greatest wish of a father is to protect his child. How could I bear to let you get hurt? But what was the purpose of all I’ve done? I’ve walked step by step to this day, wanting nothing more than to live a stable life. But you? Since I returned to this family, I’ve endured so much ridicule; you know that better than anyone. When you watched me endure endless mockery, did it not hurt you at all, as my son?

Even though everything was a result of my own doing, my mistakes, and I should pay the price, how many days of consequences have I endured? I don’t even know. I’ve been holding myself up, hoping to show you my determination to stay by your side. I sincerely hope you can be happy. Time and again, I’ve closed myself off, just to show you my most perfect side. Time and again, I’ve wished for you to have the happiest and most joyful life, but I’ve repeatedly backfired.

For all the harm I’ve caused you, as a father, I truly have no way to compensate you in this life. But I hope you understand that no father would genuinely wish to harm his child. I can’t bear to see my child hurt while I’m still smiling. Do you think, like that, I still deserve to be your father? I am a man, a father, a son. I must consider different problems from different angles and look further ahead than anyone else. Perhaps our departure now will bring you a peaceful life, returning to the state before we came back. You should feel much more relaxed then.

We ourselves are clear about our mindset more than anyone. We understand the harm we’ve caused you better than anyone. Do you know? When I’ve repeatedly felt such deep pain inside, how much I longed to be happy, because all I’ve brought to my son repeatedly is harm. In your heart, I am unworthy of being your father. But do you know? I also hope to be forgiven by my son. Over the years, we have repeatedly wanted to return to this home, and after finally managing to do so, such an ending has occurred. This ending is not one any of us want to see. This outcome makes each of us feel inadequate. All we wanted was a stable life, to live easily, without degradation. Yet, this is how it ended up.

Child, no matter where Dad and Mom are, as long as you take good care of your grandfather, your wife, your own child, and bear the responsibilities you should for Dad, that would be my greatest comfort. I have no way to abandon your mom. If your mom chooses to leave alone, how could I, as her husband, leave her alone? If it were you, you couldn’t either. I believe you are truly devoted to your wife, just like I am to your mother. You should understand that feeling."

"You’re right, I can indeed understand that feeling. But I never said I wanted my mother to leave this home. Why do you always make decisions without asking about my feelings or my answer?

Or is it that in your hearts, you think every decision you make is correct, and only mine are wrong? So in your minds, you have completely treated me as an outsider, not needing to consult my opinion for any decision. What do I count as in this home? Am I still part of this family? If I am part of this family, then I should have a say; I should have the right to decide who stays or leaves this home!

I don’t understand what reason makes you so cold-hearted, choosing to leave again today. I don’t blame anyone because I know if my wife’s fate was destined to face such a hardship, she would become crazy and depressive even if you hadn’t returned. I can’t blame anyone but myself for not giving her the love she needed, neglecting her, which made her turn out this way. All the responsibilities should be mine, not my parents’. You have no reason or right to bear all the responsibilities for me as her husband. She is my wife, just your daughter-in-law.

I feel that my words have reached this point, so you should understand what I mean. Don’t repeatedly oppose me or test my patience. I don’t have that much endurance; everyone’s tolerance has limits. You know better than anyone that repeatedly testing others’ limits will yield no good result; it just makes things awkward between us. Think more about what you’re doing, even if it’s a little bit. It will make me much happier and more at ease. What I want is not more help from my parents but for my parents to be sincere with me and willing to give up some stubborn beliefs for this family.

If someone doesn’t face him, life may be very tiring. If someone holds onto obsessions too deeply, doesn’t that tire them out? Step by step pushing himself towards madness just in hopes of being happy and joyful. Do you think that kind of life is meaningful?

I don’t want either my mom or dad to leave this home. If you truly love me, don’t add insult to injury. Now is my most difficult and challenging time; please stay, not for anything else but to let me be at ease. Can you not let me worry about you or think about how to protect you? That’s truly exhausting for me. Give me some freedom and space, and even some protection. My sense of security, can you?

I’m a child lacking a sense of security. If you can stay here, I can disregard everything else..."

Not minding gains and losses doesn’t mean you can forget what you’ve gained or lost. Not minding only proves that you won’t care as much as you did before, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten.