Perhaps our feelings are like a meteor streaking across the night sky, impossible to fulfill. What should we do to bring everything back to how it was in the beginning?

"No matter what you say to me or what words you use, I will never let go of your hand in this lifetime, and you shouldn’t think of completely getting rid of me. Isn’t it just about wanting to live a happy life? It’s simple, be with me, and I can give you the life you want, give you everything you want. Why do you treat me this way, heartlessly abandon me, does it truly make you happy? Seeing me in such unbearable pain, does it make you feel good inside?" Zhang Zhentian once again started his unrelenting entanglement.

Xia Jing felt speechless towards Zhang Zhentian, how could there be someone like him? She had already spoken so absolutely, leaving no room to maneuver, but why does he still choose this path? Is it really that important in his eyes? What kind of person am I exactly? Even I can’t figure it out, so how could I expect others to? Maybe I set my expectations too high, making everyone who loves me leave me—where is my fault in all this?

"Sigh, why is it that I said so much, and you can’t take in a single word? You should know that I truly don’t want to abandon you; even leaving you causes me pain inside. But do you know? Whenever I decide to leave you, my heart hurts, yet I understand more than ever if I don’t make up my mind to leave, we’ll only hurt each other more deeply. Because your heart no longer contains me, all your actions are aimed at me without considering my feelings. It’s the same this time, I have to endure your questioning for no reason, for what? Why do you repeatedly believe that every bad thing is my doing? In your eyes, am I really such a bad person?" Xia Jing said to Zhang Zhentian, "Sometimes I don’t even know what kind of person I am. Even if I did many bad things earlier, I still hope to be a good person now. I want to live the life I desire openly and uprightly, not always hiding and covering up my mistakes. The things I did in the past are my greatest regret; I never regretted anything as much. But now I truly understand nothing is as important as familial love. However, it’s too late for everything now—there’s no room left to maneuver. Let’s leave a way out for each other, so we’re not driven to a dead end, okay?"

"You ask me not to drive you to a dead end, but do you know that every word you say to me today, and everything you do, aims to push me to a dead end? I’m so afraid you’ll leave me. Don’t you understand how intense this fear is? I never dare to wish for anything else, because every time you leave, it brings immense sadness to me. But as time slowly heals my wounds, why do you have to reopen them again, insisting on unpicking my scars each time, and sprinkling salt on them until I’m in unbearable pain? Must you do this to be happy? Everyone must take full responsibility for what they do. Since you chose this path, there’s no room for regret; life is such that whatever you do, you must walk this path, even if you initially chose the wrong path and it brings endless suffering, leaving you with no sense of fulfillment. But what choice do you have but to continue? At the entrance of the civil affairs bureau back then, it was you who heartlessly dragged me inside to sign the divorce papers. It was you who heartlessly didn’t want me, your wife, and you who cast me away. Now don’t come saying it’s me who abandoned you because don’t you think you’ve blurred the lines of right and wrong?"

"So, it’s the fact that I dragged you into the civil affairs bureau to sign the divorce papers back then that you’ve always been hung up on. I know this was a big blow to you, but wasn’t I also angered out of my mind at the time? I cared about you so much, I couldn’t tolerate any lies from you. Even if I could accept your lies, I couldn’t accept that my own wife would use her health as a gamble. It was because I cared that I did that. I so hoped that you would earnestly plead with me at that time and promise never to lie again. But what did you say back then? You shouldn’t have forgotten the things you said to me. Many times, people are stubborn, unwilling to be abandoned by those they love. I so longed for you to be with me, don’t you understand? I paid so much to be with you, yet in your eyes, is it really that insignificant and worthless? Being with you was the happiest time of my life. I know I shouldn’t blame everything on you; it was obviously my fault. Why didn’t I dare to stand up and take responsibility for my mistakes? I was afraid, afraid that my relatives would throw me out of the family again. That’s why I was so selfish. But my leaving is already your greatest punishment, isn’t it? After all these years, shouldn’t we reconcile?"

"You’re afraid your family would throw you out, and you never considered that your actions might make my family throw me out? Your actions are indeed quite selfish; you’ve admitted to being selfish in your ways, so why should I reconcile with you? After reconciling, to let you hurt me again? Don’t you know how much inner pain this causes? I cared so much about living together with you, yet you, with every decision you made, did you ever consider me as family? Despite how you treated me, I tolerated and forgave your every mistake time and again. What about you? You treated me like this, shifting all your mistakes onto me, making your family think it was my fault and wanting to throw me out. Are you satisfied now? We can never go back, and you can safely return home! Why bother coming to me? Time and again, you only make me feel immense pain and sadness!"

I have used up all my strength trying to get closer to you, yet I still feel like you’re an unattainable dream!