Whatever it is, life in this lifetime is experienced over and over again. No one lives in the same place unchanged; everything comes and goes. Only by experiencing it can we truly understand what it was all about.

"Actually, you’ve never thought about what betrayal really is. In your heart, you believe that everything you do is right, but who really knows the kind of pain all of us endure? We strive to become stronger, merely to have a clear conscience, to live a better life. Yet, are we truly happy? Is everything we do really what we want? Time and again, I’ve become numb, unaware of the ending I truly desire, even more unsure of the person I love most in this lifetime."

When you give your all wholeheartedly again and again, only to receive cold, stone-hearted treatment in return, what do you feel deep inside at that moment? No one is willing to endure such blows, nor is anyone willing to suffer such torment.

When your heart bears all the wounds and pain, you become numb; you can no longer distinguish right from wrong, nor can you tell who is kind to you and who means harm. You have no means to discern all of this.

If someone in this world is willing to trade their true heart for yours, absolutely do not do it. No one in the world will genuinely treat you sincerely. People you trust in this world are never reliable, and men are the same. The only person you can truly believe in is yourself; only your own strength can entirely eliminate that feeling of being looked down upon by others. If you repeatedly let others bully you and swallow your pride, others will just take it to greater extremes, riding over you at will. They don’t care whether you’re being understanding or not; they only see themselves as victors, as kings who can stand over you and insult you at will.

Child, sometimes when your mother says these words, it’s not to make things difficult for you, but just in the hope that you’ll be deceived a little less. Do you know the feeling when you see someone being cheerful in front of others one moment and getting betrayed by loved ones the next? Do you know how it feels to have a best friend, a beloved, gouge open your scars again and again, pouring salt on them without ever understanding when to stop, when to be gentle?

I’ve seen so much of this kind of bloodshed, witnessed too many such bloody scenes. When I see people bear all these pains and betrayals again and again, no one ever considers things from my perspective. When others tear open my bloody scars and pour salt on them, just as they’re about to scab over again, should my heart not ache? Am I truly, as you say, a stone-hearted, unfeeling woman? I am not.

No one has ever considered my point of view when doing anything. The bitterness deep in my heart, I can’t express. It’s like a mute eating bitter herbs. But have I ever said anything? I’ve swallowed my pride time and again, and the result is others hurting me even more severely. I’ve had enough. I’m not a Saint; I can’t just keep smiling happily while being continuously harmed. How could I possibly be so weak? I’m not that kind of weak woman who just lets others bully me. I want to use my efforts to destroy everyone who has harmed me. I want them to understand the disastrous outcome of betraying me. I want them to be startled awake by nightmares, each scene bloody, indelible. This feeling in my heart will eternally exist."

Zhang Yichen never imagined his mother had so much grievance deep inside. He had never shared these troubles with anyone; he really had unspeakable bitterness. Every decision he made, though it hurt others, wasn’t from carelessness. He just wanted to protect his good friends around him, for everyone around him to sincerely stay and accompany him, and as he gave everything, he realized all he did was wrong. No matter what, he couldn’t achieve his desired ending. He was repeatedly forced by reality, left with nowhere to turn. He didn’t know what kind of dire straits awaited him. He repeatedly hid his innermost thoughts, proving he had no way to forget all the hurt and pain in this lifetime. 𝕗𝕣𝐞𝐞𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝚌𝕠𝚖

Perhaps, sometimes, standing in his mother’s shoes, he should think more about why she did all this and what made her become how she is now. Did it truly have nothing to do with him?

Sometimes, he wonders if everything he did to his mother was excessively unfair. He never considered his mother would live so hard, and when he learned the truth, he found it hard to accept. Yet, when all this pain and hurt arrived, he still couldn’t balance out his heart. Who is to blame for all this? Who caused these mistakes? He never thought these things would become this ugly and difficult to resolve.

Perhaps he should really think hard about what he truly desires. Seeing his mother like this, what’s left for him, for them? What mindset could make him so mercilessly blame his mother for being heartless? Everything he desires is merely to live a happy, peaceful life, but when all the hurt and pain comes, he has no way to forget how it arrived. Sometimes he should reflect on what lies within his heart. Maybe there will be a day someone betrays him, and deep down, he will still feel this way; it’s just that he doesn’t know it yet, not knowing when all this will arrive.

Who hasn’t experienced betrayal? Who has lived a life without trials and tribulations? Everyone goes through life’s ups and downs.