Once, I had dreams, but now when I look back, did I really achieve those dreams? And was every decision I made truly what I wanted?

Zhang Yichen felt that she should persuade her mother no matter what. Her mother shouldn’t treat her father like she did in the past.

"Mom, no matter how you look at it, you were wrong first. You shouldn’t treat my father like this, even if he abandoned me, my grandfather, my whole family, and even sent my grandfather to the hospital with anger. I can forgive him because he is my father, no matter his mistakes, he gave me life. Without him, how could I possibly be where I am today? You both created who I am step by step, yet you never considered how I struggled in the past. You never accompanied my growth. Do you know how frightening it was to grow day after day with repeated devil-like training? I cried in fear there, but no one offered me a hand!

You trained in a place so dark you couldn’t see your fingers, can any of you understand the fear inside a child just a few years old? Can you fathom the shadows it cast in my heart at the time? Because time and again you pursued your own desires without considering your loved ones who needed your presence the most. You don’t truly understand how to care for your loved ones. Your actions are merely to satisfy your own selfish desires. But is freedom really that important? Over the years you gained freedom, but are you truly happy, truly joyful? You gained freedom but lost the people who love you most and your family. You wander the world without settling, living in constant fear. Is that the life you wanted?

Mom, no matter what, I call you mother because all these years you must have silently observed my actions. I know you haven’t ignored my existence. You just don’t know how to relate to your own son. I can forgive everything, no matter how much hurt you caused me, no matter how many times you ruined my happiness. But for the sake of my father, there are things I must explain to you. What place does this put my father in? Do you not know how much he loves you? He would give all his love for you. Do you really want to strip away all his love for you like peeling an onion? If that day comes, can you still find happiness?

The human heart feels pain, emotions are not one-sided, would anyone give their all to receive cold indifference?

If your heart would not be worried, we won’t tell my father these things. We don’t want to sadden him or cause disputes between you, but some things just need to stop. Don’t hurt him like before. She has changed a lot to follow your steps. He was never like this before, but for your sake, she has sacrificed so much. You should understand his feelings somewhat. If you only keep hurting him, he will drift further away. Everyone has different ways of life; maybe ours aren’t like yours, but we hope you can adapt to ours now. You’ve returned to this big family, you’re back in the formal family, you should get used to our ways, not living your own life in solitude like before, that’s not a life that can last!"

"My dear son, thank you, mom is grateful you can say such heartfelt words to me today. Deep down, I know some things can’t be changed once they happen. Do you think I don’t want to return to the old life? I only wish time could rewind and grant me one more chance, just enough for me to truly live. I’ve lost the person I love most who also loves me most, and in return, I’ve found grief time and again. All of this, I brought upon myself, I can’t blame anyone because I know some things can’t be changed in this lifetime. What I miss will always be missed, I can only mourn myself. Why have I never considered others’ feelings in my actions, why did I act so recklessly without thinking of the consequences? I truly regret it, I don’t wish for time to rewind; I only hope Heaven will grant me another chance, even if just once, to go back to the past, so I can apologize deeply to the one I loved most and be with him, that’s enough for me!

Sometimes I truly resent Heaven, why give me only one chance? What I want is far more than this. I would give up everything for her. If I had known earlier how deeply I loved him, how heavily he loved, would abandon everything for him regardless of the cost, endure even the heaviest retribution. Why did I hurt her repeatedly? Why feel guilt repeatedly, feel pain repeatedly, making my heart numb? I no longer know my name, I only know my heart loves that man deeply, that won’t change in this lifetime, I just want to be by his side. But why did heaven play such a grand joke on me, causing arguments time and again over what? Other people’s intervention, the third party’s involvement ultimately makes everything unusual!

Child, hold onto your own happiness, that’s what matters most, don’t regret after losing like your mom, by then it’s too late. I just resent myself for my actions, had I known earlier, I wouldn’t have done it, this saying is for myself. I know my actions brought much pain, I know it caused deep psychological shadows for those who love me. I can’t express it, can’t measure it. I only know in this lifetime, I’ve set foot on a path of no return because my choice hurt those who love me most. I can only live in grief my whole life.

Looking at others’ happy family lives while my wife is still wandering who knows where, how can I be at peace...