My Alleged Husband
Chapter 2018 - 1811: Occasionally
Sometimes, some pain is etched deep within one’s heart, unable to be erased by the passage of time.
Life is like this, causing oneself to lose the things most cherished time and again, only to realize later how much one cared about it all. But when possessed, no one truly thinks about what these things might actually result in. Why is everyone always so selfish and self-centered, ignoring the comfort others offer in pursuit of personal thoughts?
In a lifetime, one is bound to encounter grand things, but ultimately, everyone only receives these wounds. Some people sacrifice everything repeatedly for themselves, yet no one knows how they’ve truly spent their life.
Who has contemplated how they have spent their life? A person endures agony repeatedly throughout their life. Who has thought about how to truly withstand all this suffering? With recurring mortal blows, who knows of the latest pain? During the day, I numb myself with work, but what can numb me in the depths of night? My longing grows deeper and increases day by day, until I gradually become a mere shadow, unaware of what I should obtain. No one knows what kind of outcome they will face in this life.
Perhaps life is just like this: enduring hardships ultimately leads to parting with love. But do we truly understand how we’ve arrived at this point? Life steams in pain repeatedly, causing repeated injuries. Who knows what kind of harm they will receive? Everyone’s life is like this, yet we are destined to entrap ourselves in the most painful abyss due to our actions. Everyone is this way, but who knows what kind of life will truly satisfy them?
Many hearts are inherently greedy. Some would harm their closest loved ones unscrupulously for personal gain, yet some would sacrificially give everything for their happiness and joy.
Zhang Zhentian really does not know how to persuade his wife. He knows she is truly trapped in a deep pit of pain, incapable of extricating herself. No one can rescue her. He wakes from nightmares in the dark of night repeatedly. She repeatedly turns her life into decisions like that, harming herself again and again, solely hoping the person she’s waiting for will turn back to look at her, even if just for one day. Are human hearts really so easily shattered? Why does time wash away these things, making them insignificant, making them so frail?
Xia Jing also understands Zhang Zhentian’s thoughts. After all, a couple sharing the same bed for many years cannot be without thoughts and a basic understanding of each other. If there isn’t even the most basic understanding, then what is the point of living together for so many years? Even if they are not together due to feelings, a lengthy conjugal life will ultimately lead to mutual understanding. Often, the one who understands you most is not your friend, but your enemy. You might not understand yourself, but how well do you know those sharing life with you? They sacrifice most of their lives just to one day strike you down completely, yet you fail to realize that their understanding of you might ultimately help you too. Hearts don’t exchange for hearts, and after suffering and torment time and time again, you realize it’s all just a void.
"Xia Jing, perhaps now whatever I say won’t reach you, but I hope you know, no matter what, as your husband, I will never hurt you.
All these years my genuine heart for you, have you felt nothing at all? All these years I’ve given you so much, have you truly felt nothing?"
"Actually, the greatest pain in this world is watching one’s loved ones leave month after month, being abandoned by one’s most beloved one by one, yet standing there helplessly. No one can fully comprehend the anguish I’ve felt all these years, nor truly understand and empathize. You all think my selfishness is merely about caring for my own thoughts and concerns while disregarding others’ views of me. But do you realize? Every time you face me repeatedly, my inner turmoil is immense. Every time you speak those accusing words, my heart feels so wronged. I’ve wished for a happy existence but have no way to achieve it!
I’ve sacrificed so much over the years, but what have I gained? I’ve given everything, yet all I receive is his indifference. Do you know how silent my heart feels? So tired, so exhausted, sometimes wishing to just close my eyes and never wake again, sometimes wishing to entirely hibernate from that moment, making it impossible to live happily ever again. I just want to sleep forever and never wake, yet each time I open my eyes, I find myself in an unfathomable abyss. Do you understand that darkness? Do you understand that emptiness? No one knows!"
"You always believe your pain is the greatest in the world, that your suffering is unparalleled. But do you know? You’re not the only one enduring such pain. Everyone goes through similar trials. Who hasn’t been forged through pain over and over again? Though all of this ultimately leaves one scarred, devoid of any joy in life, do you understand how much I care, how much I wish you’d stay by my side? Just like how you hope your beloved stays with you, I too share the same hope. Deep midnight loneliness and defeat that breaks my heart repeatedly..."
I once sacrificed everything for the life I desired, only to realize I couldn’t escape fate’s arrangement!