Rowan

For a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to open it. As long as the letter remained unread, I could pretend and tell myself there had been some misunderstanding. There had to have been some explanation that would make this all make sense.

I unfolded the parchment and began to read.

Rowan,

I am so sorry.

By the time you read this, I will already be gone. Please know that this was not an easy decision, and please know that none of this is your fault. It is all mine.

I care about you very much, but I feel so restless a lot of the time, and I do not want to keep hurting you with my indecision.

It might not make a lot of sense, but there is something I need to do, and I do not want to keep putting off the pull for so long. I want to stop avoiding everything that is happening. I find it so funny how I never thought of this until now, but it is possible the pull might lead me to something that can help turn this whole situation around.

I can never know until I follow it, and it doesn’t seem fair to let you go carrying the brunt of my load. It is also possible there may be other Lycans out there if possible, and at least then whatever I find, I would get the answers I need.

I know you would offer to come with me. I know you would want to protect me, to help me, to be by my side through whatever I might face. And that is exactly why I do not want you to come. I understand the danger out there, and I will be careful, but I also need a moment of self reflection away from everything.

The other wolves. The bond... you.

Please don’t come after me. Please. I know you will want to, and I know asking this of you is unfair after everything. But I need you to trust me, please.

I do not want to hurt you anymore than I have. Any of you. This might seem like I am running from what I feel... possibly, I might be if I am truly being honest.

I will come back, Rowan. I promise you, and when I do, I will give you the answer you deserve. The one I have been too afraid to say.

Please wait for me.

I am so sorry for the pain this will cause you. I am sorry for leaving like this, for not having the courage to tell you in person. I am sorry for everything.

But I need to do this. I hope you can understand.

The letter crumpled in my fist.

I sank onto the edge of the bed, my chest heaving, and stared at the floor until they blurred before my eyes.

What was she doing? Why would she think like this? She thought she was wasting my time or hurting me by staying here?

How?!

How could she even think she was hurting me by simply existing in my presence?

’Oh, Violet...’

I would have waited years, decades, an entire lifetime if that was what she needed.

We could have gone together.

I would have followed her anywhere. To the ends of the earth, to whatever ruins she sought, through any danger that stood in our path. I would have been by her side every step of the way.

The rage returned, hotter than before, and beneath it, a grief so profound it threatened to swallow me whole.

I had been working to help her. In the days since we had been together, I had sent delegates to neighbouring territories, carefully laying the groundwork for her protection, and calling in favours.

She would have powerful wolves standing between her and those who might wish her harm had she waited just a bit more.

I sighed. "Maybe she wouldn’t have gone if I had been open about my plans instead of wanting to surprise her with the results..."

I slowly rose back to my feet, the letter still clutched in my hand.

I was not sure I could accept this.

"Yes, you should go," my wolf hissed. "Explain everything! Mark her, even. She will forgive—"

"Stop, I can’t do that," I snapped with the abrupt shake of my head.

My wolf immediately seized up.

I would not do anything against her... wish.

I slowly unwrapped the letter, my chest tightening with hurt.

She didn’t want me to come. Just when I thought her thoughts about him had subsided... she...

"Stop, stop." I hit my palm against my temple and went still, trying to steady my breathing.

I should understand she was likely more bothered about having two mates, but it still meant he was on her mind. I eyed the letter. She didn’t wish for me to come with her.

My chest quivered as I tried to ignore my instincts. There was a slight fear that if I left her to her thoughts and gave her the time to think it over, she might actually choose him.

"Enough!" my wolf snapped. "You do not know that!"

I shook my head with a groan.

’Please, let me think!’

I stared at the words.

She was not safe out there, no matter how powerful she had become, no matter how much her syzygy had grown. She was still being hunted, and like before, it wouldn’t be so far-fetched for a supreme alpha or two to be among the wolves physically searching for her.

I strode out of my chambers and down the corridor toward my study. Telsid and Ezra were in the hallway along with a number of my wolves carrying maps and other documents.

My betas fell into step beside me.

Ezra started, "My Lord—"

"Spread them out before me," I ordered as we entered the study. "Everything. Including every scrap of speculation."

I swept everything off the table and they obeyed quickly, laying the materials across my desk. What could not be placed on the table was spread out on the floor.

I leaned over, scanning the markings, circles and notes Bei had made.

She had been surprisingly very thorough. Wherever Violet was heading, Bei had made educated guesses based on the certain questions and speculations. And it seemed the Fresnan wolf had been aware of Violet’s plan to leave days before her departure.

It made me even more mad.

Speculation or not she should have said—

I stopped and took a deep breath, turning away from the papers.

The wolves were silent in the room.

"Prepare a small team," I quietly ordered. "Fast wolves, light supplies. We leave before evening."

"My Lord, perhaps you should rest first. You’ve been—"

"Ezra..." I grumbled.

He fell silent, then nodded. "Yes, my Lord."

As Ezra and some of the wolves left to make the arrangements, I stood with the others.

She had asked me not to follow her, but I couldn’t just leave her like this.

At the very least, I would be content to follow my wolves from behind, far enough that the bond would not alert her to my presence, and close enough that I could reach her if she needed me.

But I knew one thing with absolute certainty. I was not going to lose her.