Violet

Bei’s resting place was on a quiet slope of the woods behind the castle.

Voya had told me where it was days ago, but I hadn’t been able to make myself go until now. Something about seeing it would make it permanent in a way that holding her body in the desert hadn’t.

As long as I didn’t see the grave, some irrational part of me could pretend she was just somewhere else. Off sketching in her journal, or trading Silverwood trinkets with strangers, or just shaking her head at something I said.

But I couldn’t keep pretending. And spending some time earlier this morning with Kael had prompted me to come see her.

I stood there, staring at the carefully decorated mound and flat stone marker set into the ground at its head.

Kael himself had also spilled some of his blood here to bless her grave properly.

I wrapped my arms around myself against the cold.

I started speaking. I told her about the ruins, what I had found at the end of my journey, and how she would have loved it.

I didn’t know why I was talking so much, or why I was even crying. 𝑓𝑟ℯ𝘦𝓌𝘦𝘣𝑛𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓁.𝑐ℴ𝓂

The tears coming out to just cool in the air was so inconvenient, but they didn’t stop.

The blame on myself didn’t go away either.

My voice cracked and I pressed my lips together, fighting the tremor in my jaw.

I wished I had known her longer.

Telling her about Zephyr made me a bit more happy at least.

The wind stirred the frost at my feet.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t there." The words came out thin and shaking. "I’m sorry I went so deep. I’m sorry I left you alone up there. I should have made you go back. I should have carried you to the edge of the unclaimed lands myself and refused to let you follow me."

I crouched down and pressed my hand flat against the cold earth.

My eyes burned.

I sat there in the frost, my hand on her grave.

I didn’t know how long I stayed like that.

The cold seeped through my coat and into my bones, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. Leaving felt like abandoning her again.

[ - ]

I had wandered deeper into the woods, drained and just tired.

I sat against a tree and stared into the distance, doing nothing.

Sleep found me right there, and by the time I woke up it was already early in the evening.

I let out a steady stream of frost as I sighed. I wasn’t sure I was ready to pull myself up and leave just yet.

I didn’t hear him approach.

Strangely enough, I didn’t sense him either, which meant he had deliberately muted his presence to avoid startling me.

But the numbness within shifted at the pull of the bond.

Then he was beside me.

Rowan lowered himself to the ground without a word, settling onto the frozen grass at my side. He didn’t touch me. He just sat there, his presence steady and close.

We sat in silence for a while.

"I’m sorry," I said quietly. "For leaving the way I did."

He didn’t respond immediately.

When I looked at him, his face was calm but his eyes were sad and tired.

"Don’t. You’re still grieving—"

"Please," I begged him, pulling up my knees to my chest. "I mean it."

He stared at me for a long time, then glanced down at the ground.

"I thought I had done something wrong," he said softly.

My chest seized.

"No." The word came out fast, urgent. "Rowan, no. It wasn’t you. It was never about you doing something wrong. I just needed to—"

"I know." He smiled faintly, but the sadness didn’t leave his eyes. "I beg you, just don’t feel guilty about it. I understand."

I looked down at my knees, guilt sitting faintly in my stomach.

"When I woke up and you were gone," he continued, his voice low, "I thought I had pushed too hard. I was worried I had scared you away."

"You didn’t scare me." My voice was barely a whisper. "I was scared of myself."

He was quiet for a moment, absorbing that.

Then he reached out.

His fingers found my face, his thumb settling against my cheek where one of the faint scars from Palisa’s claws traced a thin line from just below my eye to my jaw. The scar had healed pale, barely visible, but he found it like he had memorized its exact location.

His thumb traced the length of it slowly.

"You’re just as beautiful," he murmured.

I blinked, thrown completely off balance. "What?"

"Your scars." His eyes moved across my face, following the faint marks with a gentleness that made my skin tingle. "I hope they don’t bother you too much."

"Oh..."

I had looked at myself in the mirror a few times. There were only two on my face, but a lot more all over my body.

At times, I wouldn’t give them much thought, but other times...

His thumb came to rest at the end of the line, just above my jaw. "I missed you, Violet."

My face heated despite the cold.

His hand was still on my face. His palm was warm against my frozen cheek, and his fingers curved gently behind my ear, cradling my head with a tenderness that made my chest flutter.

I should pull away and run but his eyes held mine, and in them I saw everything he had been carrying.

He leaned in.

His lips met mine, and the world went quiet.

The kiss was soft at first. A gentle press, careful and questioning, as if he was asking permission even as he took it. His mouth was warm against mine, and the contrast with the frozen air around us made every nerve in my lips come alive.

My eyes fell shut.

His hand tightened against my jaw, tilting my head slightly, and the kiss deepened. His lips parted mine and his tongue swept against my lower lip before slipping inside. The taste of him flooded my senses, warm and familiar, and a sound escaped me that I couldn’t have stopped if I tried.

His other hand found my waist, pulling me closer. It almost felt like he was trying to pour everything he couldn’t say into the press of his mouth against mine.

I melted into him.

His tongue stroked against mine in slow, deep passes that made my head swim. Heat bloomed in my chest and spread outward, chasing away the cold that had settled inside me.

When he finally pulled back, our breaths came in uneven puffs that clouded in the cold air between us. He still cradled my face like he couldn’t bring himself to let go.

"Please," he said quietly. His voice was rough, stripped of everything but the raw truth beneath. "Don’t leave like that ever again."

"I won’t," I whispered.

He pressed small kisses all over my face, before pulling me up against him to rest in his arms.

The peace I felt only lasted for a brief moment.

I hadn’t wanted to do anything with either of them until I’d made my decision. And yet...