Chapter 336: Chapter 226: I Am Also Guilty

"I’ve done a lot of reflecting these past two days. From the moment we started dating until now, I truly got caught in a vicious cycle I couldn’t escape. I was thinking... if Chen hadn’t found out, the consequences would have been unthinkable."

Jiangg Ning bit her lip hard. The pain helped clear her head.

She still held her head high, her elegant neck exposed. A flush of shame and anger crept up her cheeks, coloring even the tips of her ears a delicate pink. 𝚏𝗿𝗲𝐞𝐰𝚎𝕓𝐧𝚘𝘃𝗲𝐥.𝐜𝚘𝕞

Jiangg Ning had rarely made mistakes growing up. The pain she felt wasn’t just because Chen Yuan had scolded her, but because she was casting aside her pride to willingly admit she was wrong.

This act alone was an enormous challenge—a form of self-torture.

"Even if I’d hidden it perfectly, I would have regretted it in the end. After winning by recording the Heartbeat Diary, would that have been the end of it? Could that secret really have stayed hidden for a lifetime? Every time I thought about it, it probably would have felt like a whip lashing my back."

"Fundamentally, this whole thing was wrong. Just as Chen said, this wasn’t a serious relationship. It was filled with possessiveness, competition, and the unscrupulous need to win, completely tainting the original purity of love."

"I was wrong. I deeply realize that I was wrong..."

She lowered her head. Her voice was soft and slow, yet it compelled one to listen closely.

Jiangg Yao watched, captivated. It was the first time she had ever seen her older sister apologize so humbly. ’So even someone as proud as her has moments where she’ll willingly bow her head.’

But she didn’t realize this didn’t mean Ningning was abandoning her principles. On the contrary, this quality was all the more precious.

’Wrong is wrong, and right is right. Does being exceptional mean you can’t make mistakes? Daring to face one’s own flaws without getting hung up on momentary honor or shame—that’s what it means to be rational and objective!’

"Yesterday, what you said was right. You were right to scold me; you woke me up. I suddenly realized I wasn’t acting like myself anymore. I took this relationship too seriously, magnifying every emotion along the way a thousand times over. When you place too much importance on something, you lose your sense of proportion. You take risks, you lose yourself, and you become someone you don’t even recognize."

"A momentary lapse in judgment due to infatuation isn’t the key issue. The key is... I betrayed myself."

"I have my own ideals. I should have yearned for a pure love, just like you, just like we always discussed during our late-night calls. Someone who pursues that kind of love can proudly declare their principles at any time, refusing to be swept away by this materialistic era. But I failed to do that."

"If I had, I wouldn’t have agreed after only a brief hesitation when Yaoyao suggested we try it. Even though my main motivation was my feelings for you, I should have been honest and explained everything."

"If I had, I wouldn’t have met you in person only to be consumed with thoughts of getting rid of this ’problem,’ afraid it would affect the life I’d planned. I have a very clear plan for my future and a strong need for control, so I’m terrified of things that fall outside that control. Chen, you were that exception. Because I wanted to escape, I broke up with you. That was the first time I didn’t face my own heart."

"After we broke up, Yaoyao said it was her fault because she was the one who reached out to you to make up, which led to everything that happened afterward. I don’t think so. The most ridiculous one was me... Honestly, I hated seeing you get close to other girls at school. I couldn’t imagine you quickly starting a new relationship with someone else. I couldn’t accept it—the idea of someone I, in my arrogance, liked being so easily won by another."

As Jiangg Ning spoke, her eyes were already turning red.

These were all her heartfelt words. It’s difficult for people to face their own shortcomings; she must have been furious with herself in that moment.

Hating herself for making so many mistakes, only coming to her senses to reflect on everything from start to finish after the truth was revealed.

Chen Yuan had never seen Jiangg Ning like this.

He was very quiet, likely a storm of emotions churning within him.

"Later, I fell completely into that vicious cycle of possessiveness. Chen Yuan, I do like you, a lot. But I should have liked you openly and honestly. I should have laid everything out on the table before we even started dating. I apologize for my duplicity... I apologize for not taking this relationship seriously."

"I’m sorry..."

"Besides apologizing to you, I also need to apologize to Yaoyao."

Jiangg Yao: "???"

"I failed in my responsibility as an older sister. I should have set a good example for her, not been so indulgent. Not only did I let her do as she pleased, I even fanned the flames as things unfolded. When she told me about the online relationship, I didn’t think it was a big deal at first. When I found out she was secretly dating you behind my back, I was only angry that she had deceived me and ’possessed’ you. But wasn’t I doing the exact same thing?"

"I was deceiving you and trying to possess you, too."

"So, when it comes to relationships, I didn’t do any better than my sister."

"As a girlfriend, I also lacked a sense of responsibility. I didn’t consider your feelings, treating you like an object to be fought over and arbitrarily divided with my sister. Thinking about it now, it’s just so absurd and laughable."

"What you said to me the day before yesterday left me utterly ashamed. But I have to thank you, Chen. Thank you for reminding me, for teaching me how a relationship should be treated seriously. Principles should never be compromised. If they can be easily shaken, they aren’t principles at all."

"You should have had a wonderful first love, like a gift to mark your entry into adulthood. Love is truly a beautiful thing. It makes you dream, love life, and face everything with hope."

At this, Jiangg Ning looked directly into Chen Yuan’s eyes, no longer avoiding his gaze.

"I ruined it with my own hands."

"I, from the bottom of my heart, believed I was exceptional. I thought I could do better than any other girl you might meet, that I could rationally plan every step of our future, from the day we met to the day we walked down the aisle."

"That would have been a love story everyone envied... right? From first love to marriage."

"But what did I do? Last night, I couldn’t stop thinking that if you had dated any other girl, even one I considered unworthy, you might not have suffered this kind of pain. You wouldn’t have been so casually deceived. In the end, I did even worse than anyone else you might have met."

"If it had been your childhood sweetheart, you two would have had a very sweet time together. So what on earth was I so arrogant about?"

Jiangg Ning squeezed her eyes shut in pain, her fists clenched tightly.

"I, who was always going on and on about how people must have ideals, must seem like a complete joke to you, right?"

A single tear slid from the corner of her eye.

Even Jiangg Yao found it hard to listen. Her chest felt tight, a pang of pain seeming to accompany every breath she took.

"As an outstanding guy, you should have had a great future, a happy college life, and gradually found your purpose. But I just turned your life into a complete mess."

"I messed everything up. If I hadn’t been so stubborn back then, if I had just been honest with you... things never would have ended up like this."

"Chen, do you know what I’m afraid of?"

she asked suddenly.

"What?" Chen Yuan looked at Jiangg Ning.

"People always say that a guy’s first love is his most unforgettable experience. It’s often from that point that they start to build their views on relationships, shaped by that experience. I’m so afraid that... because of me, you’ll lose that conviction of yours."

"If that happens, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life."

"Even if you really can’t forgive me, I’m begging you, please don’t give up on everything you’re searching for. You’re still young... You’ll meet all sorts of people in the future, maybe even a girl who is better than me."

"I’ve always believed that people who hate this era, who refuse to just go with the flow, always have a harder, lonelier time. I always felt they didn’t deserve to be treated that way, but now I’ve become one of the people who hurt them."

"I..." Jiangg Ning’s voice trembled slightly. "I apologize to you, Chen Yuan."

...

The rain in Lanjing seemed to be falling harder now.

The sky outside had grown even darker.

In the living room, the only sound was that of breathing.

"I forgive you," Chen Yuan said suddenly.

Hearing this, the two sisters snapped their heads up, their eyes wide with disbelief.