Chapter 31: Saving the damsel in distress!

"Leo-kun! Listen to me very carefully! Get your ass over to the first-floor girls’ bathroom right now! Run like your life depends on it! Hurry!"

Kaizen yelled into the receiver, acting completely panicked.

"Oh, and one more thing! If you see a frantic, orange-haired guy running around with a squad of background extras, make sure you stop him and tell him a orange haired girl is screaming in the second-floor bathroom!"

"Huh? Wait, what? But Kaizen-kun, what are you even talking about? Why would I go into the girls’ bath—"

Beep.

Kaizen immediately hung up the phone, cutting off the protagonist’s dense questioning.

That was literally all that was needed.

The bait had been successfully cast, the main character’s hard-coded hero instincts would do the rest of the heavy lifting, and the entire rescue operation was now in motion.

While Leo would be busy sweating, crying, and fighting a terrifying boss ghost to save the girl’s life on the first floor, and the actual boyfriend would be running around like a headless chicken searching the empty second floor, Kaizen would simply stroll into the aftermath, look handsome, and collect the rewards.

"Teamwork makes the dream work."

Kaizen chuckled, pocketing his phone and casually walking toward the first-floor building, completely ready to secure his 8D camera Lenses.

...

Two minutes later, Kaizen arrived at the hallway outside the girls’ bathroom.

The entire area was completely ghost-town empty.

Now, if this were a normal, functioning world with a logical society, a high school bathroom area would be bustling with gossiping students, people vaping in the stalls, and long lines at this exact hour.

But since this was a shitty, half-baked porn game world born entirely inside the greasy skull of a gooner virgin creator, the hallways magically cleared out the second a plot event started.

Logic? Completely non-existent.

Kaizen came to a casual stop right at the entrance, leaning against the doorframe as violent, metallic thrashing sounds began echoing from inside...

Followed by the high-pitched, desperate screams of a very well-endowed girl.

"Ah, Oriya... such a loud, noisy girl she is..."

Kaizen sighed, a nostalgic smirk on his face.

In his past life, he had gooned to her character art for an unhealthy number of hours.

She had an absolutely phenomenal rack.

But the best part about her was her brain—or lack thereof.

Oriya was the exact type of dangerously innocent, airheaded anime girl where if you looked her dead in the eye and said,

"Hey, we need to connect our genitals right now in order to recharge my mana and save the universe."

She would genuinely nod, say "Okay!" and strip on the spot without ever realizing she was being completely scammed.

She was that beautifully dense.

THRASH! BASH! CLANG!

"Aaahh~! Help me!!! Somebody, please save meeee! Kuchigo kun!!!"

Kaizen simply raised his wrist and looked at his watch.

Not even pretending to care about the panicked, echoing screams of the poor girl who was currently being tossed around like a ragdoll inside.

"Man, where the hell is that guy? He’s lagging."

Kaizen was, of course, waiting for his designated tank to arrive and swoop the enemy.

As a high-IQ, modern gamer, Kaizen knew for a fact that entering that bathroom right now as a Level 1 civilian meant instant, painful death.

He had no intentions of being a hero.

So, he patiently waited for one more minute, casually humming a tune.

Finally, right on cue, he saw Leo sprinting down the hallway like a maniac, panting heavily with sweat flying off his forehead.

"Hah... Hah... Kaizen-kun! I made it! What is it?! What happened?!"

Leo gasped, skidding to a dramatic, dust-kicking stop right next to his rich bestie.

Creak~

Without saying a single word, Kaizen smoothly reached out and pushed the girls’ bathroom door wide open the exact millisecond Leo came to a halt.

Instinctively, Leo’s heroic, main-character eyes looked inside to see what was wrong, only for his face to instantly contort into an expression of pure, unadulterated horror.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT?!"

Leo screamed, his eyes widening to the size of dinner plates as he stared into the supernatural warzone.

Seeing Leo’s face turn completely white, Kaizen got genuinely curious. Was the monster really that bad?

He peeked his head around the doorframe to take a look.

Standing in the middle of the shattered bathroom stalls was a three-foot-tall, single-eyed tentacle slime creature.

"Oh, damn. It really is bad."

The disgusting slime creature had Oriya trapped by a single, thick tentacle.

Because she was being held upside down, her school skirt had completely fallen down.

It revealed her cute, white cotton panties to the entire world.

But the real showstopper was the sheer, unbelievable thickness of her orange-haired cheeks.

They were practically overflowing.

Throb.

Right then and there, Kaizen’s little brother saluted with absolute, furious power.

"Damn it!"

Kaizen cursed under his breath.

He desperately shifted his weight to adjust his rapidly growing noble beast.

’Great, now I have to go punish Hina-chan for making me this horny.’

He sighed internally, completely shifting the blame to his other victim.

Leo didn’t waste a single second.

True to his brainless protagonist nature, he charged into the bathroom with a glowing mana ball charging in his hand.

"Release her, you monster!!!" Leo screamed at the top of his lungs.

He launched the magic attack.

BOOM!

A massive chunk of the slime creature exploded into purple goo.

The tentacle monster’s giant, single eye slowly traveled downward.

It stared at Leo with pure rage.

In a petty move, the slime violently threw the half-naked Oriya straight at Leo’s face like a dodgeball.

Instead of catching the beautiful damsel in distress like a normal harem king, Leo panicked.

He instinctively jumped to the side to avoid getting hit.

Thud!

The unconscious Oriya flew out of the bathroom and hit the hallway wall.

Thank God she landed right near the entrance door.

That was exactly where Kaizen was currently leaning against the wall, casually enjoying the live-action movie.

Now, Kaizen suddenly had the top-tier heroine lying right next to his shoes.

He looked down to inspect the goods.

Oriya was lying face-first on the cold floor.

Her skirt was completely hiked up over her waist, presenting her jiggling, premium-grade ass cheeks right to him.

Kaizen’s perverted face warped into a massive, triumphant smirk.

He didn’t waste a good opportunity.

He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted into the exploding bathroom as loudly as he could.

"Don’t worry, Leo-kun! I will bravely take this poor girl to the infirmary! You stay there and take care of that terrifying monster! You’re a true hero, bestie!"

Without waiting for a reply, Kaizen scooped up the unconscious airhead, making sure his hands got a very firm, double-cheeked grip on her heavy rear as he made his grand escape.