Chapter 168

Ciel

The second the Baron leaves, they both come in.

Nolan wraps his arms around me, and I break into loud cries.

Not quiet tears. Not dignified sniffles. Ugly, heaving sobs that shake my whole body and make my chest ache and my throat burn.

"I’ve got you," Nolan murmurs against my hair. "I’ve got you. You’re okay."

I’m not okay.

Jack’s hand is on my back, warm and steady. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. He just stands there, a solid presence beside me, while I fall apart in Nolan’s arms.

I don’t know how long I cry. Minutes. Hours. Time doesn’t feel real anymore.

But eventually, the sobs fade to hiccups, and the hiccups fade to silence, and my body gives up entirely.

I fall asleep.

*

When I wake up, I feel soft cotton pads on my face.

I blink. The room is dim. Someone has drawn the curtains. Someone has tucked a blanket around me. Someone has placed cool cloths over my eyes.

I remove them and sit up.

Jack stirs beside me. He’s lying on the edge of the bed, still in his clothes from earlier, one arm tucked under his head.

"You’re awake?" he says, his voice rough.

"Yeah." I look at the cotton pads in my hand. "What’s this?"

He takes them from me and gets off the bed. Crosses to the small table by the window, where a basin of water sits, and rinses them out.

"I didn’t want you to wake up with swollen eyes tomorrow," he says.

My heart fills with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I move until I’m standing behind him. Then I wrap my arms around his waist and press my face between his shoulder blades.

He freezes.

Just for a second.

Then he covers my hands with his and leans back into me.

"You should rest," he says.

"I’m resting."

"You’re hugging me."

"You’re very huggable."

He laughs. It’s soft, quiet, private.

"I love you," I say.

His hands tighten over mine.

"I love you too, sunshine. More than you know."

We stand there for a long moment, just breathing together.

When I finally let go, he turns and cups my face in his hands. His thumbs brush under my eyes, gentle.

"Better?"

"Better."

"Good." He kisses my forehead. "Now get back in bed. You need sleep."

"I’m hungry," I say.

"Right. I’ll call the kitchen for a quick snack."

He reaches for his phone. I watch him scroll, find the number, send a message.

I look around the room. The curtains are still drawn. The lamp on the nightstand casts a soft, golden glow. The basin of water and cotton pads are still on the table.

"Where’s Nolan?"

"He’s gone to get Lanny." Jack sets his phone down. "The crown princess offered to keep him for dinner, but Nolan thought he should come home."

"What time is it?"

"Just a little over eight. You were asleep for four hours."

I rub my face. My eyes feel raw. My throat feels sore. My head aches.

I walk to the bathroom.

"I think I need to freshen up."

***

Jack

The bathroom door clicks shut.

I stare at it for a moment, then sink back onto the bed. Lanny is on the floor now, pushing a toy car across the rug, making soft engine sounds with his mouth.

I feel so helpless.

I don’t know what I can do, apart from just... be here.

All I know about Ciel’s past and his father are just a couple of sentences from Rose and some offhanded comments she made about him.

He only had one sentence in her notes, really: Cold-hearted noble, obsessed with appearances, wants to climb the social ladder.

That was it.

That was all she wrote. 𝚏𝕣𝐞𝗲𝐰𝕖𝐛𝐧𝕠𝕧𝚎𝚕.𝐜𝚘𝗺

But as I’ve already acknowledged, none of these are characters in a story. They are existing human beings. Living, breathing, hurting human beings.

I hate that Ciel had to go through hell to fit a narrative.

*

Dinner is okay.

If not for the obvious way Ciel is pretending to be okay.

He smiles at the right moments. He laughs when Lanny smears mashed potatoes across his tray. He answers Nolan’s questions with soft, even words.

But I see it.

The way his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. The way his hands tremble slightly when he reaches for his glass. The way he pushes food around his plate instead of eating it.

Nolan sees it too.

We exchange glances across the table. Neither of us says anything.

What is there to say?

"I’ll take a bath with Lanny." Nolan escapes.

Traitor.

The fancy doors shut.

I stand awkwardly, before sitting on one of the fancy chairs.

"Stop, Jack. You’re making this awkward." Ciel picks up a plate and carries it to the sink in our little kitchenette—very different from the massive main kitchen.

This one is private. Our section of the palace opens like a mini, extravagant apartment.

You open the double doors to a long hallway with chairs and a huge carpet. At the far end, the double doors lead to the bedroom.

To the left, a door leads to a small kitchen and dining area. To the right, a door close to the master bedroom leads to Lanny’s room—though on most nights, he spends it in the crib in the master bedroom.

Ciel starts to wash the dishes.

When he gets like this, you leave him alone.

Eventually, he speaks up.

"I hate him."

I don’t ask who. I know.

I don’t ask who. I know.

I’m quite farmiliar with the emotion if hating a parent, a little too farmiliar.

Ciel turns around, and look at that, the look in his eyes is farmiliar indeed.

It’s the same look I’ve seen in the mirror. Though my job, was shitty enough I didn’t have time to stew in those emotions, so I don’t know what I can say to make it better.

"I’m here sunshine," I say instead, because that’s all I can offer. My presence.

I kiss his forehead. His eyelids flutter closed.

"I love you," I say.