Return of the Runebound Professor

“Holy shit,” Brayden said, staring at Noah with wide eyes. “That sounds like a load of shit. A whole lot of it. Shit.”

“I think you might be drunk,” Noah replied, the corners of his lips twitching in amusement. The two of them — along with Lee — sat back in their small room in the inn. Brayden sat on Lee’s bed, causing it to bow more than a little under his weight, while the other two sat across from him on Noah’s side of the room.

There was a crate of beer and assorted meats that they’d bought from a random merchant on the way back set in front of Brayden. It had originally been in the center of the rom. That had been before Brayden had started drinking, after which the crate seemed to have found itself migrating closer and closer to him.

The food, of course, Lee had already finished. Noah had spent the last hour going over what had happened to him after Father had died. There had been quite a lot. More than even he had realized. Between the Beyond, showing up in the maze surrounding the Citadel and the Devourer, not to mention actually escaping the Citadel and the somewhat winding path he’d taken to meeting Lee and getting to Aqua Terra… Noah was actually pretty surprised he managed to fit everything into an hour.

“I’m not drunk,” Brayden said, wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist. “After the last time, I’ve made it a point to avoid getting too lost deep into the mug. Wouldn’t do to go spilling all my secrets again.”

“Yeah,” Lee said. “You’ll do it anyway. You don’t need the help.”

“Hey!” Brayden protested. “I’m not that bad!”

Both Lee and Noah sent him a pointed look. The large man grimaced.

“Okay. I might have been. But I’ve gotten better. It’s a lot easier to keep your mouth shut about a cause when you actually care about it. Working for Father was… not the must fulfilling of roles. But that’s all in the past now. It’s not something I’ll ever be worrying about again. And thank all the gods listening for that. Damned Plains, I still don’t know if I can truly believe he’s dead.”

“He is,” Noah said.

“Oh, I know. You’ve said about a dozen times,” Brayden replied with a shake of his head. “It’s a demon in my own head. Not one in the real world.”

“You have a demon in your head?” Lee asked.

“Figure of speech, Lee,” Brayden replied. He blew out a short huff of amusement. Then his eyes landed back on Noah and his features grew serious once more. A thousand different emotions seemed to pass them all at once. Then they drained away to just a single one.

Sadness.

That’s odd. Why’s he looking at me like that?

“What?” Noah asked.

“Nothing,” Brayden said. “I just… damn. You’ve been through hell, Noah. I don’t know if I’d still be sane if I were in your shoes. Getting stuck in an infinite expanse of nothingness only to finally escape and end up in a centipede full of nightmare centipedes and to be told you don’t have a way out by some ancient atrocity is a lot.”

“You think?” Noah asked, his brow furrowing slightly. “I didn’t really consider it at the time. There really wasn’t much choice. It wasn’t like I could just stay in the Beyond, and there was no way in hell I’d be sitting around in the Citadel after I did all the work of getting over to Obsidia in the first place. There really just wasn’t much choice. I had to get out.”

“That’s certainly a way to look at things,” Brayden said with an amused shake of his head. “I wish I saw things the same way you did. Just… absolute. There are people waiting for you, so you obviously have to succeed. There’s just no option but the one you want. You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?”

“I like to think of it as thinking positive thoughts to manifest success.”

Brayden burst into laughter. “That’s rich. No, Noah. There’s a difference between being determined to succeed and approaching things with the knowledge that you yourself are inevitable. That victory is assured and the only question is when. That isn’t the approach of a mortal.”

“Maybe you should give it a try,” Noah said. “I’ve found that smashing my head against the wall until I win has done wonders thus far. I mean, maybe be a bit more careful on not dying. That part is important for most people. But I haven’t died once since I got to Obsidia! Can you believe that? Not even once time. I’m practically recovered. But you look great, Brayden. Bigger. Stronger. It looks like things have gone pretty well for you, haven’t they? It’s not like your approach to things has treated you poorly.”

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Brayden’s lips twitched, but there wasn’t nearly as much amusement in his expression as there had been a moment ago. “Not as well as yours.”

“Comparison is the thief of joy. Or something like that. We’re here. We’ve won. That’s what matters, right?”

“You’ve won,” Brayden corrected. He blew out a small sigh and shook his head. “No. I’m sorry. We’ve won. You’re right. I don’t mean to get heavy. Maybe you’re right. I might be drunk.”

“Hold on,” Noah said, leaning forward as his brow furrowed. “What’s wrong, Brayden? Did something happen?”

“Noah, I love you in all the ways that a man can love another man that stole the body of his irredeemable brother and used it to fix his reputation, help his former students, and murder our oppressive father. But I don’t think you would understand this.”

“I’m not sure what to think of that entire sentence,” Noah said slowly. “And I think I might be lost. Did I do something?”

“No, no. Of course not.” Brayden pinched the bridge of his nose. “To be honest, I hadn’t meant to speak about this at all. Maybe I should lay off the drink entirely. It loosens me up too much.”

“Was it me?” Lee asked. She pulled out a piece of jerky — though Noah had no idea where it had come from. “Were you hoping for some of the food? I saved a few strips.”

Brayden’s lips twitched in the faintest traces of amusement. “No. Thank you, but no.”

Noah rose from his bed and walked over to crouch before Brayden. “What is it, then? Come on, man. We’ve been through… well, I won’t say it’s been a hell of a lot. We really haven’t had all that much time together. Not as much as some. But we’ve had time. And we’ve fought at each other’s sides. We’re allies. I might not be able to understand, but I can sure as hell try.”

Brayden’s eyes lifted from the ground to momentarily meet Noah’s, but they didn’t linger for long. He looked away almost immediately. Then he let out a heavy grunt. “I failed, Noah.”

“That’s not something to beat yourself up over. Everyone fails,” Noah said. “That’s just how life goes sometimes. My successes are built off God knows how many failed attempts. I stand on a literal mountain of my own corpses.”

“Except it isn’t my corpse I stand on,” Brayden said. “It’s Janice’s.”

Noah blinked. “Janice?”

“I failed her, Noah.” Brayden’s eyes finally lifted to keep Noah’s gaze. His hands clenched at his sides. “She wasn’t that different from me. From — well, Vermil. Before you were him. Just another one of Father’s pawns. She wasn’t a good person. But I don’t think any of us were. Not truly, at least. But I couldn’t save her. I tried. And it just wasn’t enough.”

“Shit, Brayden. I didn’t see all of what happened during that fight, but we were fighting for our lives.”

“Father sent Janice to try and take us out. I fought her,” Brayden said through a clenched jaw. “I tried to talk her out of it. She wasn’t a complete pawn. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t strong enough to hold her off and protect the others. So I had to choose one.”

“You made the best choice you could,” Noah said, putting a hand on Brayden’s shoulders. “If it weren’t for you — if she’d gotten to the kids—”

“I know,” Brayden said. “She’d have killed them. No doubt about it.”

“Then you know you did what had to be done,” Noah said. “I’m sorry, Brayden. I’m sorry that Father took her from you. But it was Janice who chose to stand at his side, just like you chose to stand against him. There’s no changing someone else’s mind for them. You can’t hold that against yourself.”

“I can!” Brayden snapped, pounding a fist into the mattress with enough force to make it shudder. “And don’t fucking say I couldn’t have pulled it off! You could have done it, damn it!”

Noah went still.

“What?”

“You could have done it,” Brayden repeated. “If you’d been the one speaking to her. If I hadn’t been so weak, so unconvincing, then maybe I could have saved her. Maybe she’d still be here now, living free for the first time in her life. But I’m not you, Noah.”

“Me? In what world?” Noah asked. “Janice was closest to you. And if you couldn’t convince her to stop trying to murder children, then there’s nothing I could have done. You know what the difference between us is, Brayden? You gave Janice a chance.”

A flicker of confusion cut through Brayden’s features. “What?”

“I’d have killed her on the spot,” Noah said. “I have no grays. The world is black and white to me. I’ve existed for too damn long and lived for too little of it. Everything is so far and zoomed out that all the light and dark grays are gone. I can’t see them anymore. You aren’t me — and nobody wants you to be. I don’t need another Noah. Nobody does. There’s already a pile of them in my wake. I need people that see the grays. We value you because you’re Brayden. And I imagine Janice did too. Just because she made a choice doesn’t mean she forgot the past.”

“What does that mean?” Brayden asked, blinking heavily.

“Maybe Janice felt like she didn’t have any choice but to continue to serve Father. Maybe that was so ingrained into her life that she couldn’t imagine another way. There’s nothing you could have possibly done to change that while still protecting everyone else. But at the same time, that was no life at all. She was just a tool to Father. Death was the only release she would accept. You gave her that escape.”

“I’m supposed to feel better about that?”

“I don’t know. You knew her better than I did,” Noah replied. “But I’d say it’s a better alternative to serving Father for eternity.”

Lee slipped off the bed. She made her way over to them and joined Noah in setting a hand on Brayden’s shoulder. “It’s okay to not be strong enough sometimes. What matters is being stronger the next time around. Noah is right. He’s not very good at being comforting, but he’s still right.”

A snort of laughter slipped out of the large man. “Well, I suppose we all have our weaknesses.”

Lee nodded sagely. Then she held out the strip of jerky she’d been holding. “Meat? It always makes me feel better.”

Brayden snorted. “I don’t think it’s going to fix anything.”

“Not everything needs to be fixed,” Lee replied. “You don’t have to fix anything. The past is already gone. Like a piece of jerky someone else already ate. Nothing to do about it. But there’s another piece right here.”

Lee waggled the strip of meat around.

Brayden’s lips twitched. Some of the weight on his shoulders seemed to lift. Then he took the meat from Lee.

“Yeah. I suppose you’re right.”