Chapter 29: Let’s Wrap Up the Village Opening Festival

It’s roasted nicely~ The wild boar.

Chick Corps, you did a great job~

"Alright everyone~ The wild boar is ready~ I’m going to start carving it now, so if you want some, line up~"

I waved my tentacles to get everyone’s attention.

""""Waaaah~!""""

The children came running over.

"Come on, line up, line up~"

I sliced the wild boar meat cleanly.

How did I cut it, you ask?

Of course, with my all-purpose slime tentacles!

By hardening and thinning the slime cells at the tips of my tentacles with swirling energy, I turned them into something like blades. I also kept the energy inside them, so I think I’m boosting the sharpness with magic power? Something like that. I was slicing through the wild boar meat with ease.

Just the meat would be fine, but I also cut slits into freshly baked bread (baked in the village) and stuffed them with shredded cucucumber (looks exactly like cucumber but much bigger) and slices of tomatom (which looked just like tomatoes). Kind of like a kebab? Yeah.

"So good~!"

"Yummy yummy!"

It was extremely popular with the kids. Which meant the adults came over too.

"Ooh! This is exquisite!"

"It’s delicious!"

And after receiving rave reviews from the villagers, naturally those people showed up next.

"Ooooh! The juicy wild boar meat, the crisp texture of shredded cabbabbage, and the freshness of the tomatom!"

"This is fantastic!"

"This would sell in the royal capital!"

"Please give us permission to sell it!"

The merchants swarmed in. The village chief looked at me.

Nah, do whatever you want. I didn’t come up with this.

The village chief gathered the merchants and seemed to be discussing various things with them.

"By the way, what is this dish called?"

Eh!? Name...? Is "kebab" fine? Or since it’s ingredients stuffed inside bread... a sandwich...?

"This is the ultimate way to combine delicious things, stuff them together, and eat it all in one go! Slime-style dining technique: 『Slime Style』!"

"Hohou! So it’s called Slime Style."

"Combining all sorts of delicious things and eating them at once..."

"That’s Slime Style!"

Oh crap! I got carried away and named it something cool like Slime Style! Sorry, Mr. Sandwich Earl!

"Let’s make it popular in the royal capital right away!"

"No no, it’ll catch on first in Solnarini town!"

The merchants were getting hyped up. What am I going to do if Slime Style actually becomes a trend...?

Well, whatever. More importantly, next up is the long-awaited main event: my show.

"Village History Quiz~!"

I jumped onto the stage and shouted. Behind me was a large wooden tub containing part of my body with a boing.

Loga and the others pulled on ropes to lift the wooden tub. By the way, the chicks made this contraption too — those chicks are seriously talented.

This was an event inspired by those occasional Japanese variety shows where if you get the quiz question wrong, a big blob of slime (my body) gets dumped on your head!

...It took some courage to tear off part of my body, you know~ Of course, in the light novels I love, like "Slime Reincarnation: The Great Sage is Being Hugged by the Beautiful Elf Girl" by the great author Tsuki● Namida-sensei, the separated slime bodies are "clones" that have their own will and can be super active. But if a no-cheat guy like me creates a clone with its own will, there’s a real possibility that the main body (me) gets beaten up, absorbed, and erased instead. If my clones could do amazing things like "Slime Four," that would be incredibly reliable. But that probably only works if the main body has the power of a great sage. I have no idea what would happen if a no-cheat slime like me tried it, and that’s the scary part... Jiggle jiggle jiggle! Oops, I got so scared I started doing the Slime Poor Man’s Shake (high-speed anxious jiggling by a slime). Damn it! I want to try doing "Slime Four" too! I resent my own lack of talent!

That said, when I tore off the tips of my slime tentacles to heal injuries and stuck them on others, there was no problem. After repeatedly tearing off pieces and reabsorbing them, I learned that I could safely separate up to about one-third of my body. The separated part doesn’t move at all. Even when I ordered it to move after separation, it didn’t respond at all, so it seems I don’t have the ability to control clones... I already knew that, but it really drove home the fact that I’m just a no-cheat slime guy... Damn you, God!

Anyway, let’s get the quiz show going.

First, I let the children participate. Questions like "What is the name of this village?", "What is the name of this country?", "What is the name of the village chief?" — super easy questions that anyone could answer correctly. I made them happy. The prize for correct answers was handmade sweets prepared with help from the mothers in town.

Next was the elderly. I asked questions based on past village incidents and celebrations that I had interviewed them about beforehand. Most of the seniors got them right and received sweets. Occasionally an old man would get one wrong and the younger folks would heckle him, which kept the atmosphere lively.

Now, time for my real target.

"Finally, Uza-kun, come on up."

"Huh... Me...?"

"Yes, you. Uza-kun."

I swiftly extended a tentacle, wrapped it around Uza, and pulled him onto the stage.

"Wahhh..."

I half-forcibly dragged him out and positioned him under the wooden tub.

Loga and his subordinates secured the ropes holding the tub. On the Chick Captain’s signal, Loga and the others would pull the rope, tilting the tub and dumping my slime body right onto his head!

"U-um... what exactly is this...?"

"Final Quiz! To Uza-kun, who complained to Kanta and Chico-chan — I, Yabe, am... Angry! True or False!"

"Ehhhhhh!! No, that was, um..."

"If you think I’m angry, it’s True! If you think I’m not angry, it’s False!"

"Eh!? U-um..."

A flustered Uza-kun. Heh heh heh, let’s hear your answer properly.

"Your answer please!"

While the villagers watched with bated breath (well, most of them were drinking and laughing), Uza-kun’s answer was...

"Um... I think... you are angry..."

"Uza-kun’s answer is True! Now for the correct answer... Drrrrrrrrrrruuuuuum roll"

It’s hard to do a drum roll with my mouth.

"Right now... I’m not angry! Therefore— Buzzzzz!! Incorrect! So here comes the slime from above~~~~~!"

"Waaaah!?"

"Piyo piyo!"

Pull! The rope was yanked, the wooden tub tilted dramatically, and my slime body came crashing down. Splosh!

"Gyobagyoba!"

Uza was now completely covered in slime, screaming.

Good, good. Punishment complete. By the way, even if he had said "not angry," I would have said "I was angry back then" and called it wrong anyway. Either way, Uza was destined to get slimed. Heh!

The Chick Corps brought buckets and dumped water over Uza’s head. While they did that, I extended a tentacle and reabsorbed the separated slime body.

"There, now everything’s washed away cleanly. All’s well that ends well, Uza-kun."

"Hahaha..."

Uza gave a bitter smile. Well, I hope he reflects on his actions. Yep.

The soaking wet Uza left the stage, and the village chief took his place.

"Everyone! The Village Opening Festival was a great success. This was thanks to the cooperation of all the villagers, the support of our valued merchant partners, and above all, the efforts of Spirit Yabe-sama, who provided such entertaining performances and delicious food. I would like to express my gratitude once again. Yabe-sama, could you please say a few final words?"

Hey hey! What a sudden request! You should’ve given me a heads-up!

Speaking in front of a big crowd — this is the first time since my research presentation in grad school. I never had the chance during my corporate days because it was such a black company.

I moved to the center of the stage and took a deep breath... Wait, I don’t actually breathe.

"Everyone~ Did you have fun~!?"

I shouted loudly.

"""Waaaah~!"""

They got excited for me.

"Let’s make it even better next year!"

I raised my tentacles and yelled.

"""Uooooooohhh!!"""

It turned into a very lively village festival. I’m very satisfied.