Chapter 125: 11.7 How can I love you so much?

Kyrios nodded again, he seemed disappointed. He apologized:

"I know that me giving you an apology is laughable, but... A-Xuan I’m so sorry."

Kyrios’s eyes shined with unshed tears. A-Xuan looked at him intently and asked:

"Do you ever regret falling for me?"

Kyrios immediately answered:

"I don’t, I never did. What I regret is all the pain it caused you. But soon you’ll be able to go back to your world and be safe."

"What will you do?"

"I’ll kill my brother and do what gods do, create worlds."

A-Xuan nodded, looking away, he forced himself not to cry. Now he knows for sure that Kyrios loves him, and they can be together when all is done, but he acts like he wants him to go back to his world.

He always kept an eye on him, which means he knows that besides work he had nothing and no one.

He looked at Kyrios, surprised when he asked:

"Did you miss me those past 6 years?"

Even if it’s selfish, Kyrios wants to hear him say that he missed him one last time.

A-Xuan looked away. Kyrios swallowed and asked:

"Do you want to go back to your world when I’m done dealing with my brother?"

"What do you mean?"

"I could send you wherever you desire."

Kyrios could at least make sure he lives happily ever after before he destroys his soul. A-Xuan was beyond pissed at this point. He pushed Kyrios and he fell backward.

A-Xuan got on top of him, hitting his chest over and over again. After a while, he stopped as pain passed through his eyes.

"Why can’t you just say how you feel? I hate this about you."

Kyrios sat up, holding him tightly.

"I want you to be safe now."

"I don’t want to be safe, I want to be unsafe with you. Have you still not learned your lesson? In every life, you said we’ll do everything together. Did you not mean it?"

Tears fell down Kyrios’s face and A-Xuan wiped them. He looked at him and said:

"I meant every word, but I don’t know if you’ll have me."

"I waited too long to meet you, so you better speak your mind correctly. I won’t do it for you!"

Kyrios took a breath and asked what he always wanted to do.

"I want you to stay with me in the god’s realm for eternity. Will you?"

"Did you even miss me these past 6 years?"

Kyrios caressed his cheek and leaned his forehead against his.

"A-Xuan, I missed you so much, I felt like I was dying."

A-Xuan pulled back after a while, he wrapped his arms around his neck.

"I missed you too, my love."

Kyrios’s tears started to fall again. He would always hear A-Xuan call him love, but it was only his consciousness witnessing. But hearing him call him that face-to-face was everything.

A-Xuan wiped his tears again and caressed his cheek. He answered:

"I will."

Kyrios smiled and hugged him tightly. A-Xuan felt like someone was walking on his lungs. He deactivated the pain sensory and held him just as tight.

After a while, he pulled back, looking into his eyes. He asked what he always asked him every life.

"How can I love you so much?"

He wasn’t surprised when Kyrios gave the same answer as well, a question.

"How can I love you so much?"

A-Xuan smiled, his body finally relaxing. Even if he dreaded having this conversation with Kyrios, he knew it had to happen, so he could protect himself.

But it didn’t make him less terrified at the idea of hearing Kyrios say he doesn’t love him anymore. A-Xuan never fell in love before Kyrios. So how was he supposed to live life after life around him when he only loves him because he recognizes his soul?

By the end of it, he would go back to his world a shell of himself. He would’ve lost the only person he ever loved and the only one who ever loved him.

Even his parents didn’t love him enough to keep him, so how is he supposed to be confident that someone else will love him for eternity?

Plus it’s not just someone, it’s a god. But now he knows that he will, he even loves him more than he does. A-Xuan wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him.

Kyrios held on to him tightly like he was scared he would escape. He never wants to pressure him into staying with him when he could go back to his world.

Even if it kills him to be apart from him, he’ll respect his choice. He never thought that falling in love with A-Xuan would cause him so much pain.

He’s the only person he ever loved, he just wants to be by his side. So knowing that this is what he wants too is the best.

A-Xuan pulled back, smiling at him.

"I have to go."

A-Xuan looked at him alarmed and asked:

"When can I see you again?"

Kyrios smiled as he caressed his cheek.

"It uses a lot of power but if you need me, call my name, and I’ll be there in a heartbeat."

A-Xuan nodded, his eyes misting.

"Don’t cry. We’ll be together soon."

A-Xuan nodded again.

Kyrios said:

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I’ll go back in time to when you were at the office."

A-Xuan nodded with difficulty, he felt like if he were to say a word he would beg him to stay. He’s finally met the one he’s been in love with for more than a millennium.

But il lasted less than twenty minutes. The only reason he’s not a mess is that he knows that in the end, they’ll be together forever.

Knowing that he still loves him as much as he did when they first met does make it easier. The next second A-Xuan was in his office, on the sofa. He looked around, but Kyrios was gone.