Chapter 195: Chapter 193: Back to Reality?

The moment Zhou Rui committed suicide, Su Tang’s vision went black, and then she lost consciousness.

As her consciousness faded, all she heard was Lu Xiao’s panicked cry.

’So tired. Why do I feel so tired...’

Su Tang felt as if she’d been thrown into a tumble dryer, spinning head over heels for an eternity before she could finally catch her breath and open her eyes.

The first thing she saw was the harsh glare of fluorescent lights. The air was filled with the familiar yet strange smell of disinfectant.

She lay on a soft single bed, covered by a thin blanket stamped with the hospital’s logo.

She sat bolt upright, her heart POUNDING against her ribs as if it would burst from her chest.

"Huh? Doctor Su, you’re awake?"

The door to the break room opened, and a colleague in a white lab coat poked his head in, a relaxed expression on his face.

"You’re some sleeper. You said you were just going to rest your head for a bit, but you’ve been out for almost three hours. If we hadn’t seen that your breathing was steady, we were about to give you a glucose shot."

"But then again, after working back-to-back shifts for so long, you’ve earned a good rest. Do you want to eat?"

’Three hours?’

A buzzing filled Su Tang’s head. ’Three hours? How could it have been only three hours?’

She had spent several years in that other world.

She had watched with her own eyes as the villain, Zhou Rui, gave in to despair and shot himself. In that instant, the very sky and earth seemed to shift, as if the entire world were collapsing and shattering before she plunged into endless darkness.

But the heart-rending pain hadn’t faded. She could still remember her son Cheng’an’s soft little hands around her neck, and his sweet, childish voice calling her "Mama."

She still remembered her husband Lu Xiao’s eyes, always so steady and dependable, overflowing with tenderness and love when he looked at her.

And Mr. Su, Mrs. Su, Mr. Lu, Mrs. Lu, Wang Xinxin, everything in the Northwest... her love, her family...

Everything had been so real. Every detail was seared into her memory. How could it all have been just a dream that lasted three hours?

’No, that’s not right. I must be in shock.’

"It... it wasn’t a dream..."

she murmured, her face deathly pale as her fingers subconsciously clutched the fabric over her heart.

The space was empty. The bullet-casing necklace Lu Xiao had given her wasn’t there.

"Doctor Su? Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?"

Her colleague approached, concerned. "You look terrible. Why don’t I take you for a check-up?"

Su Tang snapped her head up and grabbed her colleague’s arm, her grip so tight it made the other doctor hiss. "What year is it? What month and day?"

Startled by her intensity, her colleague stammered out the date.

’Of course... It’s really just a few hours after I entered that novel.’

An immense wave of panic and despair washed over her, far worse than the moment she had seen Zhou Rui commit suicide.

That hadn’t been the end of the story. It had been the collapse of her life.

She had lost everything she had gained. Those beautiful memories now seemed like nothing more than a dream.

"No... I have to go back... I must go back!"

She leaped from the bed like a madwoman, not even bothering with shoes as she bolted out the door barefoot.

"Doctor Su! Where are you going?!"

She stormed back to her office and, with trembling hands, turned on her computer. She frantically searched for the novel, for any information about that era, for any shred of evidence about transmigration she could find.

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing.

The novel sat quietly in the database, the ending stopping at [Zhou Rui commits suicide, and all is concluded].

She tried to open it again, but the words on the page seemed blurry and distant.

The very plot points she had personally experienced now seemed pale and lifeless as she read them.

She tried to concentrate, desperately thinking of that era, of Lu Xiao, of Cheng’an, of that small courtyard.

She thought about it until her head was splitting and her heart felt like it was seizing up, but the scene before her eyes remained the same: a cold computer screen and a desk piled high with medical literature.

It was all for nothing.

Su Tang cradled her head in her hands, feeling as if her entire world had collapsed.

If her colleague hadn’t been there to hold her steady, she felt she would have surely collapsed.

The hospital assumed Su Tang was simply overworked and gave her a few days off to rest properly.

Su Tang exhausted every possible option. She prayed to gods and buddhas like a madwoman and searched online for self-proclaimed psychics, spending a fortune only to be met with lies and disappointment.

Her status as a leading figure in modern medicine, a top-tier research environment, a convenient and wealthy life...

All of this had once been her goal, but now it was a gilded cage holding her prisoner.

The people she longed for were not here.

Su Tang slumped helplessly to the cold floor, her back against the frigid wall. The tears finally came, streaming down her face like a broken dam, but she couldn’t make a sound.

The greatest pain, she realized, wasn’t enduring hardship. It was being allowed to touch the warmest light, only to be mercilessly shoved back to your cold starting point and told it was all just an illusion. 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝚠𝚎𝚋𝗻𝗼𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝚘𝐦

She couldn’t go back.

She had lost her Cheng’an, her Lu Xiao, her home—forever.

Su Tang curled up in a corner, like a child abandoned by the entire world.

The city bustled outside her window, its streets a blur of traffic and life, but it all felt worlds away.

「But in that old, finished book, time had not stood still.」

Su Tang’s body hadn’t disappeared.

She had simply lost all consciousness, as if she had sunk into a sleep from which she would never wake, lying silently on the bed.

Lu Xiao sat by her side.

For days and nights, he kept a sleepless vigil.

He was like a statue, its soul ripped away, with only his bloodshot eyes staring unblinkingly at his wife’s pale face.

His military uniform was wrinkled and still stained with the dust from the day he carried her back.

A dark stubble grew on his chin, and he was visibly wasting away.

Yet the hand holding Su Tang’s remained warm and steady.

Lu Xiao’s thumb stroked the back of her cool hand over and over, as if the motion alone could summon back her consciousness from wherever it had drifted.

"Tangtang..."

His voice was so hoarse it was barely a whisper. "Have you slept enough? Cheng’an has been a good boy today. No crying, no fussing. He just lies by the door, watching you."

Outside the door, little Cheng’an bit his lip, his large, grape-dark eyes filled with confusion.

With red-rimmed eyes, Mrs. Lu and Mrs. Su brought in another bowl of thin porridge.

"Xiao, you have to eat something. If Tangtang wakes up and sees you like this... how heartbroken she’ll be..."

Mrs. Lu’s voice was choked with sobs.

It was as if Lu Xiao hadn’t heard her. His gaze remained on Su Tang’s face, and his grip on her hand only tightened.

"The doctors all say there’s nothing to be done, that she’s just... asleep..."

"She’s just tired."

Lu Xiao cut Mrs. Lu off, his tone sharp and decisive, though it held a slight tremor. It was hard to tell if he was trying to convince his mother or himself.

"She promised," he said. "She said that no matter what, she would stay with me and Cheng’an."

"She never lies to me."

He leaned down, gently resting his forehead against Su Tang’s.

He closed his eyes, feeling the faint whisper of her breath against his skin. It was almost the only thing holding him up.