"Not exactly the whole time, but yeah. I am deeply sorry."

"It’s okay. It’s my fault for doing it here in the first place." Stupid, stupid girl. 𝗳𝚛𝚎𝚎𝘄𝕖𝕓𝕟𝕠𝚟𝚎𝕝.𝗰𝕠𝐦

"We all have horny days once in a while. My girlfriend cannot keep her hands off me when she is in her luteal phase. She does this enough when I am not around. I think it is better to masturbate than cheat around."

I nod in agreement. "Isn’t the meeting still going on?" He obviously came to get something but is now getting falsely preoccupied. His awkward expression instantly drops to a concious one at my kind reminder.

"Yeah, right. I will be out now." He said, then leave

I rake my hands through my hair and did the lamaze breathing to somewhat cope with the embarrassment as he leaves. Great. Now he sees me as a horny slut who can’t keep it to herself.

I clear my desk on one side and lay my head down and mull over my bad choice of touching myself at all in the first place. I and Calyx’s last time together comes into my mind. The moment was so steamy and unexpected. I have trouble believing sometimes that it was him that came into my room that night. He did something so crazy instead of an apology. It was sweet but enough to clear off or extenuate the fact that he pushed me over the very edge of the cliff with his bullying and abuse. To him, I was a game and a source of odd pleasure. I was less than a human being and more of a property to just be taken ownership of and being done whatever to. If twisted and red flag was a person, it will be Calyx Andre Lamont.

How did he feel when he heard I left? Did he feel guilty? There is a reason to believe he did. Him coming into my room that night, handing me a gun when I had asked for a knife to end his life, chasing me around my parents house. Putting my baby brother to sleep. Eating me out on my bed and not stopping until I almost passed out from powerful orgasms and lashing out at me for being enchanting to other guys and making him crazy jealous. He also told me that I was the first girl that he let fuck his face and come all over it.

It wasn’t of my will, he forced me to. He never asks for permission to make or destroy. He even brought cuffs that he used to cuff both of my hands above my head. At that point, I gave up fighting against him and surrender. I didn’t even know why I fought against him in the first place. It gets him more excited. I then realized that he had plotted it before coming, there was no stopping him. My screams faded into whimpers. My unwillingness becomes a crazy feeling of need that surprises me. I did not just surrender to his sinful administrations, I assisted him in playing my body like an instrument. How I’d raised my hips up to get more of his tongue. How I’d held his head by his hair in between my legs. It was then I knew that he was more twisted than I had thought. He didn’t hate me. He didn’t know how to deal with extreme jealousy. He french kissed me with my essence. Making sure I tasted them too. I had thought he would have sex with me right then and there. But he tells me he would see me the next day and disappears. Cold slowly replaced the insane warmth he had left. Shaking alone in my bed, I felt like I should tell my parents that I would no longer be leaving for New York. That I’d stay. But I ultimately decided to leave. Having missed feelings of hate, Stockholm syndrome and wanting Calyx to hold me down and fuck me and finding him darkly irresistible despite all the unacceptable fucked up things that he did was not something I really wanted for myself. I could not have him ruin me any further. I left so my mind would not betray me.

Did he stop bullying when I left, or did he quickly move on to a next target? If yes, does it measure up to the one I experienced? I doubt that. My case was tagged the worse bullying in the school and city’s history. I talked back at a guy for bullying people, only to end up worse than them because seeing me with other guys pissed him off, and added to my initial crime of talking back at the school King. He went far above boundaries to punish me. No one cared about it. The teachers said it was my fault for angering him in the first place. My mom would tell to hang in there and that everything about life was hard. And that I couldn’t drop out of school because of a mere fight with friends. My life and existence being threatened was seen as a teenage tantrum and a gloomy phase that would pass by my mother, and a play that would eventually pass by the teachers. I succeeded in ruining the school’s high standing reputation when I posted a one hundred word suicide note that had Calyx Andre Lamont mentioned in almost every line. Only then did they know that it was serious, that I was being pushed down a rough cliff edge. Calyx too. He thought all he was doing was fun until that point. I let my mother know what kind of mother she is—a failed mother after leaving home. Then she changed and started wanting to know every aspect of my life. But then I had already been used to keeping to myself like she said.

I like to think I was at the point of drifting off to sleep when I heard my colleagues coming in. They all have downcast faces. Especially Mr Carlson. I don’t have to guess that it didn’t go well.

"How’d it go?" I ask.

"Mr Lamont found the loopholes. He is taking out with the executives as we speak." Responds Laurel.

"The photos on magazines covers does not do justice to his beauty at all." Adds Cassandra.

"Even if he is cold, I have to admit that he is freaking handsome." Veronica too. Why are they all fangirl-ing over him? Sure he is handsome but have they not heard of not judging a book by it’s cover? I would blow all their minds if I shared even one quarter of what that man did to me.