Chapter 11: What’s up, Doc?

William called the tower merchant, the space in front of him rippled, just like when he summoned Cent, but this time, there was no fog. A figure popped up a few feet away, barely three feet tall and looking suspiciously like a certain childhood cartoon character.

Two long ears stood straight up, grey and white fur covering its body. Decked out in a slick black tuxedo and a carrot-shaped orange bowtie. William couldn’t help himself: "What’s up, Doc?"

The rabbit shot him an irritated glare and snapped in a thin but razor-sharp voice, "For fucksss sake, I am not him! I have to say this to every fucking lord, and I’m a female, so I can’t be him! Not him! NOT HIM!"

She stomped her feet, ranting, "And why the hell are almost all the lords naked? Is this some weird-ass trend from wherever you people come from? One bastard was literally jerking off when I appeared, and the second I popped in, the fucker released on me, ugh... Of course, I killed him afterwards, but I still had to scrub that nasty shit off me. Ten bottles of shampoo, I swear! This batch of lords is the worst." Seeing William in just boxers only made her more pissed. One wrong word, and she might leap at him.

Hearing her casually admit to killing a lord sent a chill down William’s spine. For someone so small, she radiated pure danger.

It took her a moment to cool off. With a sigh, she muttered, "Sorry, I just snapped after dealing with so many idiots. Couldn’t hold it in anymore."

William stammered, "N-No, I get it. Happens to the best of us. You don’t have to apologize. Hell, say whatever you want, I’m not about to mind."

Seeing his fear, the rabbit flashed a toothy grin, so wide it made William flinch. She let out a low chuckle. "Ehehehe... Relax, I don’t bite people. These teeth are strictly for carrots. You didn’t even say anything that bad. I just snapped for a second."

Her laugh made William relax a bit. She gave him a moment to collect himself, then switched to a crisp, businesslike tone, "Let me introduce myself properly. I’m Loila, the tower merchant for your region."

William nodded politely. "I’m William. Nice to meet you," he replied.

She continued, "Alright, let’s not waste time. Tell me your budget and I’ll show you the best deals. Just say what you’re looking for." William nodded. "Can you show me anything under 100 TP?"

Loila nodded, and with a flick of her wrist, a system panel flashed into view. Hundreds of deals scrolled past, items, troops, resources, all neatly listed. William started checking through them, one by one.

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Deal: The Last Straw (Top Seller)

Items:

Mud Golem Tier 1 (Low)

3 Days of Food and Water

Pack of Cigarettes

White Blind Fold

Description: Bare minimum and legendary final stance.

TP: 60

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Deal: OG First Floor (Hot Deal)

Items:

Basic Arrow Trap Blueprint

(400 Wood, 200 Stone, 10 Units of Iron)

Description: Can cause minor injuries but aren’t lethal.

TP: 50

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Deal: Lonely Goblins (Sale)

Items:

Male Goblins Tier 1 (Low) ×6

Rusty Blades ×6

Bonk

Description: Summons a group of lonely goblins each looking oddly sad for reasons unknown. Includes a bonk for the lord’s safety.

TP: 75

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Deal: Young Master’s Life (Premium)

Items:

Fully Furnished Lord’s Hut Blueprint

7 Days of 5-star Food

(1500 Wood, 500 Stone, 50 Iron)

Description: A cozy one bedroom with an attached bath with luxurious continental food.

TP: 120

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Item: SwirlyGSpot Dildo (12 inches)

Description: You want it warm or cool? It does it both. A hot-selling product from the goddess of pleasure brand store.

One-time use effect: Maximize lust by 12x if bonked on the head.

TP: 45

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Item: Tier 1 Core (Low)

Description: To upgrade troops.

TP: 20

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There were tons of good deals and tempting items on the list, but staring at that endless selection, William’s brain short-circuited. If he tried to go through everything, he’d be here til the trial starts.

He looked at Loila. "Can you please narrow it down? Otherwise, I’ll be here forever. Show me weapons around 30 TP, a basic sword technique under 40, a trap blueprint under 80, and cheap food and water."

Loila just nodded and waved her hand. The list filtered to his criteria, but it still took William over half an hour to pick what he wanted.

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Deal: Poison surprise

Items:

Poison Arrow Traps Blueprint

(200 Wood, 600 Stone, 50 Iron, 25 Poison (Low)

Description: These traps can cause low poison and paralysis effects. It can be deadly to Tier one (Low) if not treated.

TP: 85

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Item: Balanced Steel Sword (Common)

Description: A well balanced steel sword forged by the famous DJForgie Brothers.

TP: 30

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Item: Trainee Sword Technique (Common)

Description: A beginner’s guide to sword wielding.

TP: 35

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Deal: Low life

Items:

Outdoor toilet (No Bath)

Hermid’s white robe

7 days worth of fruits

5000 ml Water

Description: Eat less and work hard. Embrace a hermit’s life.

TP: 10

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William picked the sword. Why not? People always whine it’s overused, but at the end of the day, it’s still the coolest weapon. And William doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, it’s his story. If he wants to kill monsters with a sword or his dick, that’s his business.

He locked in his picks. The total? 160 TP, just 10 to spare. He paid up, and the loot went straight into his inventory.

Loila flashed a merchant’s grin. "Pleasure doing business, Lord William. Best of luck with the tower trial." And with that, she vanished.

Loila flashed a merchant’s grin. "Pleasure doing business, Lord William. Best of luck with the tower trial." And with that, she vanished.

He yawned, heading toward the Luminara tree. "Rooolliiiie! Wake me up in six hours, okay? I’m not about to start sword-swinging while half-asleep like some lazy orange cat."

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[A/N]: Please consider supporting by sending some Power Stones and Golden tickets. Your support means a lot and really helps me continue writing.

Lumina’s character design is attached in the comment