"Maybe it's because I've practiced many times in private." Chen Lizhou guessed.

Nan Zhubin offered some [Positive Attention]: "Very few visitors can be as diligent as you are between sessions. That's what I was thinking when I was looking at your notes just now."

Chen Lizhou tugged at the corner of his mouth, then added, "And that thing you said last time… that emotions are hidden in bodily reactions. I tried, when I was recording, to line the feelings up with the situations. It seems like… I can vaguely touch on a bit of a pattern."

Nan Zhubin affirmed him again: "Very good, this is progress. The healing of [Personality Dissociation] itself is a gradual process; you can't rush it. The fact that you can actively connect bodily sensations with situations means you've already begun to break down the barrier between [cognition] and [emotional experience]. You're no longer just using your head to 'analyze' emotions, but starting to use your body to 'feel' emotions—that's exactly what we're aiming for."

Nan Zhubin didn't overpraise him, nor did he deliberately talk him up; he even added some very academic phrasing.

For a visitor like Chen Lizhou, this works much better than pure Humanism-style lifting up.

Chen Lizhou also nodded, his face showing no sign of being lifted or encouraged.

This positive statement of his seemed to be only a prelude.

After a while, he suddenly said, "Teacher Nan, there's one more thing… I don't know if I should ask you. This matter… might not be related to counseling, and it's about making a choice. I remember you said before that a consultant doesn't make choices for a visitor…"

"Go ahead, you can tell me anything, no matter what it is. During our counseling, anything that happens is related to the counseling." Nan Zhubin leaned forward slightly. "As for the issue of 'choice,' maybe we can decide after we've talked through this matter."

Chen Lizhou nodded, picked up his glass, and took a sip of water that had already cooled: "Some time ago, I received two emails from one of my wife's former students."

"That student was in the first class my wife taught back in our hometown. He's now gotten into a university in Beidu, about to graduate. He applied for an HR position at our company, has already passed the interview, and entered the probationary period."

Chen Lizhou's fingernails began to pick at the rim of the glass. "He said in the email that he wants to visit me in person, and that he also wants to hear me talk about my wife's past."

"I read the email and thought about it for a long time. I don't know whether I should see him or not…"

Nan Zhubin didn't say anything.

After asking his question, Chen Lizhou seemed to negate himself again: "Uh… Teacher Nan, I don't really know why I'm even telling you this. It's not like I want your advice; maybe I just… want to share something from my life."

Chen Lizhou said, "I just felt like… I wanted to find someone to talk to about it."

…

He asked a question, then immediately invalidated his own question.

If this contradictory back-and-forth happened with an ordinary person, it would just seem baffling.

But Nan Zhubin smiled. And actually laughed out loud.

So much so that the look Chen Lizhou turned on him became puzzled.

"You know, Director Chen," Nan Zhubin said, "this is the first time in all our counseling that I've seen such a clear emotion on you."

"Emotion?"

Nan Zhubin nodded, not giving the answer right away, but indicating: "Look at your hand."

Chen Lizhou lowered his head and discovered that at some point the water in the glass had already spilled out.

While he had been talking about this, his hand had been squeezing, tapping, pressing; if it had been a paper cup, it would probably be in pieces by now.

"If it had been a ballpoint pen in your hand, it probably would have been taken apart into pieces by now." Nan Zhubin actually made a rare joke.

"Even though this isn't a positive emotion, the good news is—this time you're finally not only feeding this emotion back through your body; you yourself have also felt it. That's why you asked the question and then immediately negated yourself. This kind of one step forward, one step back response is how most people react when facing this kind of emotion."

Nan Zhubin said, "And this emotion—is [anxiety]."

Chen Lizhou blinked. "I'm feeling anxiety because of this issue?"

He fell into silence for a moment, seemingly recalling how he had reacted to [anxiety] during past work experiences.

After a while he nodded. "That seems right, I am a bit anxious."

Then he realized this was a very valuable experience. "Is that a good thing, Teacher Nan?"

Nan Zhubin didn't answer directly. Instead he said, "Since we've finally had the rare chance to experience an emotion, maybe we can try to break it down and get to know it. Once we fully understand it, this problem that's making you anxious may very well resolve itself."

Chen Lizhou naturally had no reason to object.

He started: "I'm… anxious because I got that email from my wife's student and don't know what to do?"

Nan Zhubin gently shook his head. "Receiving the email, not knowing what will happen next—those are the concrete events."

He drew on some theory from the [cognitive school] and raised both hands.

"An 'event' triggers an 'emotion.' The 'event' is the starting point, the 'emotion' is the end point."

"But in between, there's a long process of information processing—in other words, our cognitive process."

Nan Zhubin indicated the space between his two hands.

"If we want to understand our emotions more fully, we need to know how we process the event."

Nan Zhubin gave the answer: "It's not that you don't know whether you should tell me about this, nor that you don't know whether you want to meet your wife's student. You're just worried—worried about 'losing control.'"

This was also how Chen Lizhou had consistently presented himself in front of Nan Zhubin.

"Worried about losing control?" Chen Lizhou repeated.

"Yes, you're worried about losing control." Nan Zhubin nodded. His tone was still gentle, but each word was clear. "Your wife's student contacting you is a suddenly emerging 'variable' for you. This variable breaks the order you've been working so hard to maintain, and it throws you into a sense of loss of control."

And this sense of loss of control is exactly what people with Personality Dissociation fear most.

One of the core problems in [Personality Dissociation] is a strong sense of loss of control. Because their consciousness is disconnected from their body and from reality, they can't control their emotions and perceptions, sometimes not even their own behavior. This long-term loss of control plunges them into a deep sense of meaninglessness and anxiety.

To fight this loss of control, they unconsciously look for things they can control: establishing fixed daily routines, repetitive behavior patterns, and so on.

Chen Lizhou's repeated dismantling of objects and his almost rigid insistence on a regular work schedule were done precisely for this purpose.

Through these established orders, people with [Personality Dissociation] can rebuild a connection with reality and gain a sense of safety. Once that controllable order is disrupted, it triggers intense anxiety and can even worsen [Dissociation] symptoms.

This time, however, was different from before: instead of dismantling objects or clinging to work to fight the anxiety, Chen Lizhou was engaging in concrete verbal expression.

That was what made Nan Zhubin feel pleased.

Looking at Chen Lizhou, Nan Zhubin continued, "This past week, you've been working hard to keep up at work, recording your feelings on time, and diligently practicing emotional awareness. Essentially, you've also been maintaining a sense of [control]."

"Work is a familiar area for you. You know what to do and how to respond; that familiarity is something you 'can control.' Recording your feelings and practicing emotions are things you're advancing step by step according to the method I taught you, with a clear target for each step. That sense of certainty also gives you a feeling of control."

"But this student's appearance has broken that certainty." Nan Zhubin's tone slowed a little.