Chapter 37

.

. 𝚏𝕣𝐞𝗲𝐰𝕖𝐛𝐧𝕠𝕧𝚎𝚕.𝐜𝚘𝗺

"I can’t do this..." Jiang Li said, holding the hoodie he was wearing even tighter around himself, his fingers curling into the fabric as if it were the only thing keeping him grounded. They were standing near the hospital, the air so cold that every breath they took turned into white smoke curling faintly from their lips before disappearing into the winter air.

The streets were covered in a thick layer of snow, untouched in some places and trampled in others, and it was still falling—soft, quiet, almost peaceful. Christmas was close. The decorations strung across nearby buildings glowed faintly, their warmth contrasting the cold that seeped into Jiang Li’s bones.

Luo Xin, who stood beside him, sighed softly before stepping closer. She reached out and gently took his hands into hers, her touch warm despite the freezing weather, grounding him just enough to keep him from slipping further.

"We already know that you’re pregnant, which is something that could’ve made you scared to come, Li-er... so there’s nothing to be afraid of," she said, her voice gentle, careful, as if speaking too loudly might shatter him.

Noticing her efforts, Jiang Li forced a small smile, but it only made him look more fragile, more pitiful.

His eyes were red-rimmed, swollen from crying, and his nose had turned a soft shade of red from both the cold and the tears.

"You’re right..." he whispered, though there was no conviction in his voice.

Slowly, his gaze lifted toward Yu Yang Hospital.

The moment his eyes landed on the building, something inside him tightened.

Just looking at it was enough.

Memories—ones he had buried so deeply he thought they would never resurface—began clawing their way back to the surface. Memories he had locked away, sealed shut, and promised himself would never see the light again.

After exiting this building eleven years ago, he had sworn to himself that he would never let an Alpha touch him.

Never again.

And yet here he was... standing in front of it once more.

All because he was pregnant.

The irony felt suffocating.

He shut his eyes tightly, as if that alone could stop the past from catching up to him, but his body betrayed him.

Heat.

It crept in slowly at first, then all at once.

It had been eleven years, but the sensation returned just as vividly, just as violently, as if no time had passed at all. A soft gasp slipped past his lips as his body reacted before his mind could catch up.

They were already inside the hospital.

There was no turning back.

The Alpha’s breath—hot, heavy, and reeking of alcohol—brushed against his neck in his memory. The crude words, slurred and ugly, echoed faintly as hands that weren’t gentle tried to strip him of his clothes—

It all came back.

Too fast.

Too real.

Jiang Li froze, his head shaking slightly as if he could physically push the memories away.

"I can’t... please..." he whispered, turning toward Luo Xin, his voice trembling.

Her expression changed instantly. The worry in her silver eyes deepened as she stepped closer without hesitation. Seeing him like this—so broken, so helpless—felt like needles pressing into her skin.

Jiang Li’s breathing became uneven again, shallow and erratic, his chest rising and falling too quickly.

Without thinking, Luo Xin pulled him into her arms.

"Everything is okay... I promise, everything is okay," she murmured softly, her voice steady even as her heart tightened painfully.

But nothing reached him.

Nothing could.

When she looked down at him, his honey-brown eyes were wide—too wide—filled with a kind of terror that didn’t belong to the present. It was as if he wasn’t seeing her at all, but someone else entirely.

Someone from the past.

Luo Xin had known Jiang Li since he was seven years old. She knew his past better than most, knew the things he never spoke about, the things he tried to forget.

And she recognized this.

He was hallucinating.

Jiang Li suddenly pushed her away, stumbling slightly as sobs tore through him. His hands tangled into his hair, gripping tightly as if he could pull himself out of whatever he was trapped in.

The sound of his sobbing began to draw attention.

People slowed. Then stopped.

Eyes turned toward him.

Whispers followed.

And those stares only made everything worse.

Then the voices began.

His father’s voice rang loudly in his ears, so clear it was as if he were standing right beside him.

"He’s not normal, I tell you!"

Jiang Li flinched.

"He’s a curse! First, he tried to seduce his own brother—his own blood! Now he wants to do the same to his senior!"

The words cut just as deeply as they had back then.

His father’s voice had always been loud, always sharp enough to draw attention, and even now, it echoed just the same, dragging the past into the present.

Eyes.

So many eyes.

They stared at him—the eleven-year-old omega who couldn’t control his heat, whose pheromones had spiraled out of control, pulling Alphas toward him whether he wanted it or not.

Until his gland...

Broke.

The memory twisted painfully in his chest.

Now, as people stared at him in the present, Jiang Li couldn’t tell what was real anymore. The world blurred, everything fading into darkness except for the piercing gazes fixed on him and the faint sound of his mother crying as she tried to stop his father.

Past and present overlapped.

He couldn’t separate them.

"Jiang Li..."

The voice was faint.

Almost drowned out by his father’s shouting, which echoed in his mind like a cursed mantra repeating itself over and over again.

But it didn’t stop.

"Jiang Li...!"

Again.

And again.

Each time, a little clearer.

Slowly, painfully, the voice began to break through.

Jiang Li raised his head slightly, his vision still blurred with tears, and through it, he could make out shapes—people—standing around him.

A crowd had formed.

His heart lurched.

But before panic could take over completely—

A scent wrapped around him.

Warm.

Steady.

Safe.

Whiskey and rosewood.

It surrounded him completely, cutting through the chaos like something solid, something real.

A hand settled on his shoulders.

At first, all he saw were pitch-black eyes—the same ones from his nightmare—but slowly, they shifted, becoming something familiar.

Recognizable.

Real.

The scent grew stronger, seeping into his skin, grounding him, calming the frantic rhythm of his heart. The hands holding him were trembling slightly, and little by little, the past loosened its grip.

The darkness receded.

The voices faded.

The present returned.

It was Shen Yu.

The Alpha his heart had never learned to forget.

The thought came instinctively, and his omega instincts reacted immediately, reaching toward him, craving that presence—but Jiang Li knew better.

He didn’t have the right.

Still...

His breathing slowed.

And his body accepted Shen Yu’s pheromones without resistance.

Shen Yu’s dark eyes were narrowed with worry, his expression tense as he took in Jiang Li’s state. His hand lifted slowly, almost hesitantly, before cupping Jiang Li’s cheek, his touch unsteady.

"Are you okay...?" he asked, his voice low, but filled with unmistakable concern.

Jiang Li shook his head, tears slipping down again as emotion overwhelmed him.

Without thinking, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Shen Yu tightly.

The warmth of his body—firm, steady—grounded him instantly.

The haunting thoughts that had consumed him moments ago began to fade, dissolving into nothingness, leaving behind only the quiet presence of Shen Yu and the comfort of his scent.

This...

This was one of the reasons Jiang Li’s heart hurt so much.

Because no matter what anyone else did, when his past came back like this, no one could help him.

He would be trapped in it.

Drowning in it.

Hallucinating until he collapsed, while those who cared about him could only stand there, forced to watch him fall apart.

But this man—

The one holding him now—

With just his voice...

His pheromones...

And his presence...

He could silence everything.

He could make eleven years of pain disappear in an instant.

As if it had never existed at all.