Chapter 54 - Reassurance

Rosie

I curled up on the couch wrapped in one of Jude’s jerseys that still smelled like him while trying to focus on anything other than the fact that he’d been gone for two hours now. Two whole hours with no word, no text, and the silence of our cottage felt deafening.

I resisted the urge to bite my thumbnail as I stared at the wall clock, watching the minutes tick.

I patted my chest, feeling something brewing beneath my ribs like my emotions had spiked up in sudden fury, and I was very sure I wasn’t angry because I had nothing to be angry about, so that meant it wasn’t my emotion, and that made anxieties roll up in me.

Jude wasn’t here, but I could feel his emotions. Immediately, I jumped off the couch and started pacing from one edge of the living room to the other, my eyes darting back to the wall clock. He was late. He’d promised he’d be back soon, and it had been two hours, and I couldn’t just sit here.

I winced, feeling a sharp sting from the thumbnail I’d been biting as a coping mechanism. I tasted metallic copper on my tongue as I pulled my hand away from my mouth.

I shook my head, taking a shaky breath. But I couldn’t just wait; I didn’t know what was going on with my mate.

The earlier disappointment and sadness about the canceled date had long vanished completely, replaced by worry and anxiety that coiled tighter in my chest with every passing minute. I didn’t care about the date anymore. I just needed to know Jude was okay.

My pacing stopped abruptly when I heard the baby’s engine rumbling outside, and the relief that flooded through me was so overwhelming that my legs nearly gave out. I practically ran to the door, throwing it open and sprinting outside as I saw Jude climbing off the motorcycle.

I nearly tripped over my own feet rushing toward him, and when Jude saw me coming, he quickly stepped forward, grabbing me before I could fall.

"Careful, sweetheart," he said softly. "I don’t think you missed me that much." He teased, but I wasn’t in the mood for teasing at all as I threw my arms around his neck, and he lifted me up immediately.

I buried my nose in the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent deeply, letting it wash over me, and just like that every single drop of anxiety that had been eating me vanished. I rubbed my nose against his skin, and he chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest as he carried me back inside and sat down on the couch.

I didn’t detach myself from him while I clung to him koala style with my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms tight around his neck, refusing to let go.

For a few moments we stayed like that in silence just breathing each other in, and I could feel the bond settling between us, smoothing out now that we were close again, and his hand came up to stroke my back gently in slow, soothing movements.

"I was worried," I finally mumbled against his neck, while my voice came out small.

Jude’s hand paused on my back for just a moment before continuing. "I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m late," he said, and I could feel the vibration of his voice rumbling through his chest against my ear.

I smiled slightly then pulled my head away from his neck and looked up at him. "What happened tonight?" I asked, and his eyes flashed for a split second. "I could feel your emotions, Jude."

His gaze softened, and something flickered across his expression before he leaned forward and pecked my nose gently. "I’m sorry," he murmured.

But I didn’t giggle like I usually did when he did that. I just stared at him, waiting for an explanation, and he sighed.

Jude stood up with me still clinging to him and carried me toward the bedroom, setting me down gently on the edge of the bed.

"Let me shower first," he said quietly and then disappeared into the bathroom before I could respond.

I sat there on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest, waiting for the shower to run off. When the bathroom door opened, Jude walked out, and I momentarily forgot about my worry because he looked incredible.

Water droplets still clung to his skin; his hair was damp and slightly messy, falling across his forehead, with his chest and arms on full display. My eyes traced over the lines of his body, his broad shoulders and defined chest and the way his muscles moved, and I felt heat bloom across my cheeks.

Jude caught me staring, and a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Careful, sweetheart. If you don’t stop looking at me with those eyes—"

"Which eyes?" I interrupted, tilting my head to the side innocently, and my stomach flipped when his smirk widened and his eyes darkened.

"You know, sweetheart," Jude said, and his voice dropped lower, making warmth spread through my chest.

He pulled on his pajamas, then grabbed the matching ones and tossed them onto the bed for me before crawling toward me and pulling me into a long, deep kiss that made my toes curl. When he finally pulled back, we were both breathless as he tugged me down onto the bed, settling us both against the pillows.

We lay there facing each other for a moment, and I could feel the warmth of his body pressed close. Then Jude took a breath as his expression shifted, and I felt my stomach heavy with dread because I knew whatever he was about to say wasn’t going to be good.

"Sweetheart," he started, and his voice was careful. "Josh’s father came...”

My heart thumped hard against my ribs, and I shot up immediately. My hands flew to Jude’s chest, pressing against his skin as I scanned frantically, looking for any injuries, any marks, any sign that someone had hurt him.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and my voice came out shaky. "Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you?"

Jude’s hands came up and wrapped gently around mine as he brought them to his lips, pressing a soft kiss across my knuckles. "No," he said calmly. "He didn’t touch me. I’m fine, Rosie."

I let out a shaky breath, and my shoulders dropped slightly with relief, but it wasn’t enough.

"So what did he come to do?" I asked quietly.

Jude’s jaw tightened as he relayed what happened: Josh’s father wanted his Jude canine removed before the elders, who were the mediator, settled it.

"But?" I whispered because I could feel it through the bond. There was more.

"They decided there would be a trial by combat," Jude said. "In a week. Josh’s father will choose a fighter, and I’ll fight them."

"Trial by combat?" The words hit me like a physical blow, and for a moment I figuratively stopped breathing... Trial by combat always leads to death... My chest was thumping with many scenes as I could feel my breathing spike up.

Jude nodded. "It’s fought in both forms," he explained gently. "Wolf and human form. The fight continues until one fighter gives up and taps out."

But I wasn’t listening anymore. All I could see, all I could think about, was Jude in some arena fighting someone and getting hurt, and what if something went wrong? What if he got seriously hurt? What if—

"This is my fault," I choked out. "This is all my fault...If I hadn’t told you about Josh...if I hadn’t said anything about what he did, you wouldn’t have done that, and you wouldn’t be in any danger because of me. I’m so stupid; I should have just—"

"Sweetheart—"

"If anything happens to you," I continued, and the tears split faster, and I couldn’t breathe; my chest was constrained against my ribcage with the guilt and fear suffocating me. “If anything happens to you, I would never forgive myself—never, Jude.” My voice was broken. "You could get hurt; you could get seriously hurt, and it’s because of me—" I was going into a panic attack.

My chest was heaving as my hands were trembling, yet I couldn’t get enough air to my lungs. The thoughts wouldn’t stop racing through my mind with Jude fighting. Jude is bleeding. Jude getting hurt. Jude is not coming back. Each one was worse than the last, spiraling faster until I couldn’t breathe at all. My eyes widened, gasp upon gasp escaping from my mouth.

Jude pulled me toward him immediately, wrapping his arms around me tight. "Sweetheart, Rosie, look at me," he said, and his voice was firm yet so gentle. His hands cupped my face, tilting it up so I was forced to look at him through my blurred, tear-filled vision. "Breathe with me, sweetheart." In through your nose. Come on. Just breathe with me."

I tried, but it hurt so much; my chest continued heaving heavily. I focused on his warm amber eyes staring into mine, and I tried to match my breathing to his.

In through my nose.

Hold.

Out through my mouth.

Again.

His thumbs stroked my cheeks, wiping away the tears as they kept falling, and I kept trying to breathe slowly; the crushing feeling in my chest started to ease just barely.

"There you go," Jude murmured, and his voice was so tender it made my heart ache. "That’s it, sweetheart. Just breathe for me. I’ve got you, sweetheart."

I sniffled while hiccuping sobs, yet Jude held me tighter; his soothing pheromone engulfed me.

When my breathing finally calmed enough for me to speak, I looked up at him with swollen red eyes. "This is my fault," I whispered because no matter what he said, I couldn’t shake the guilt eating me from the inside.

"No," Jude said, and his voice was firm. "Listen to me, Rosie. This is not your fault, and none of this has ever been your fault. Josh is the one who hurt you, and his father is the one making this bigger than it needs to be. You didn’t cause any of this."

"But if I hadn’t—"

"If you hadn’t told me, I would have found out eventually," he interrupted, and his eyes flashed with something fierce. "And I would have done the exact same thing. I would rip his canine out again without a single second of hesitation if it meant protecting you. I would do it a hundred times, Rosie. A million times. Every single time if it meant defending my mate. So don’t you dare blame yourself for something that was never your fault."

Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks not from fear or guilt but from the overwhelming love, his protection, and how fiercely he meant every single word.

He leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering kiss on my forehead. Then my right cheek, my left cheek, and the tip of my nose; then his lips found mine, and he kissed me slowly, deeply, yet sensually, as if he were pouring everything into it, and I kissed him back with trembling lips, trying to give him everything I was feeling too.

When we finally pulled apart, Jude smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I’m the strongest fighter in the pack, sweetheart," he said, and his voice was calm. “Whoever Carter brings to that arena, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to win."

He said it with such complete certainty, and then he grinned. That cocky, confident grin that was so uniquely Jude, an d it made my heart ache with love for him even in the middle of all this fear.

"Trust me," he said softly. "I’ve got this."