Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy
Chapter 91 - 89
I had my hands behind my back as I strolled into the forest like I was on a leisurely afternoon walk instead of a timed survival training where everyone else had collectively chosen violence.
Students rushed past me, sprinting, leaping, transforming mid-run like they were auditioning for a dramatic action sequence.
And there I was, walking calmly, completely unbothered and unimpressed.
One guy actually slowed down just to stare at me like I had personally offended the concept of urgency.
I smiled and even waved at him. "Nice abs."
He ran faster.
Even the modified Rogues I passed seemed confused.
One of them—a hulking, mutated creature with too many limbs—literally paused mid-snarl as I walked by like it was reconsidering its life choices.
We made eye contact as I gave it a small nod.
It did not attack, it just watched me leave almost as if we reached an understanding.
A mutual agreement of "let’s not do this today."
Honestly, best interaction I’ve had so far.
I didn’t even bother studying them. What they looked like, how they moved, their weak points. They were all irrelevant because I only had one thing in mind.
Sabotage.
A few minutes later, I spotted a familiar disaster.
Gawain.
He was already mid-fight with his team, dealing with a Rogue that looked significantly more aggressive than the ones I had emotionally bonded with earlier.
How boring...
Or maybe I can spice things up instead!
I perked up immediately.
"Go, Gawain!" I shouted, cupping my hands around my mouth like a proud parent at a sports festival. "Kick that Rogue’s ass to the ground!"
The effect?
Immediate chaos.
His teammates flinched, one guy turned his head to look at me, another hesitated so all of them—except for Gawain—got knocked flat to the ground in one clean sweep by the Rogue.
’Beautiful.’
Gawain snapped, still fighting, clearly holding back the urge to strangle me instead. "Focus on the enemy! Don’t get distracted! What if this was a real fight?!"
Wow.
So serious.
So responsible.
So absolutely not Gawain.
’Disgusting...’
Give me my Gawain back.
"Boo!" I shouted back, crossing my arms. "Why are you scolding them? Experience is the best teacher! Let them suffer from pain!"
All four of his teammates froze just long enough to glare at me then immediately went pale because the Rogue was still there and very much angry.
They scrambled back into position.
Gawain looked like he was fighting two battles now—the Rogue and his will to probably strangle me.
Meanwhile, I stepped to the side, finding a nice spot like I was hosting an event.
Which—technically—I was now.
An unwanted one.
"And on the left side, we have Gawain carrying the entire team as expected!" I announced dramatically. "Look at that form! Look at that control! Truly the only competent one here!"
His teammates looked personally attacked.
’Good.’
"And the others—" I continued, glancing at them boredly, "—are doing their best. Which is... something."
"MY LA— MISS BLANCA!" Gawain snapped.
"What?" I shot back. "I’m supporting you!"
"This is NOT helping!"
"It is for you," I said, clapping cheerfully. "Emotionally."
One of his teammates got knocked back again.
I clapped once.
"Excellent demonstration of what not to do!"
They looked like they were one insult away from quitting the academy.
I smiled, completely satisfied as I watched Gawain finished the fight.
Alone.
The moment the Rogue dropped, Gawain’s entire team turned towards me like a pack of feral hungry wolves who had just realized the real threat was standing a few meters away... smiling.
They started walking towards me, their gaze looked like they were ready to tear me apart.
’Too bad they can’t.’
I raised a hand before any of them could even breathe in preparation to speak.
"If any of you says a single word," I said sweetly, voice light and pleasant, "I will scream loud enough for every Rogue within a five-kilometer radius to hear us."
They froze.
"And then," I continued, still smiling like I wasn’t threatening their entire existence, "you’ll be fighting a horde instead of going back peacefully."
Absolute silence.
Their mouths hung open.
One of them slowly closed his, opened it again, then decided against it.
’Smart choice.’
"Wonderful," I nodded politely. "We understand each other."
And just like that, I walked past them like a civilized person who definitely didn’t just emotionally terrorize four people.
"If you’ll excuse me," I added, because manners matter.
I headed straight toward Gawain, fully prepared for the incoming lecture.
Right on cue—
"My Lady," he said, slightly out of breath, "can you at least take this seriously?"
I looked at him then smiled sweetly. "Can’t you see my face right now? I am serious."
He stared at me long and hard. It was the kind of look that said he deeply regretted knowing me. "...I know that look," he said slowly.
I blinked. "What look?"
He pointed at me like he was identifying a dangerous species. "The ’I will burn everything to the ground and you can’t stop me’ look."
I gasped softly and placed a hand on my chest. "Aww... How sweet of you to notice."
He did not look touched. In fact, he looked tired instead.
My smile widened. "Did you know," I continued casually, "my so-called team left me alone the moment the signal started?"
His expression shifted slightly.
"So now," I finished, still smiling, "I’ll be the one returning the favor."
Gawain closed his eyes for a second like he was praying for patience. "I’ll come back and check on you once we report to the instructor," he said carefully. "So please behave, My Lady."
"I’ll behave..."
He visibly relaxed and actually smiled.
’Poor soul.’
"...once you come back."
His smile vanished instantly, shoulders dropping, and I can even sense his spirit seemed to deflate. "...Of course," he muttered.
Behind us, his teammates were still standing there, looking traumatized, probably rethinking their enrollment.
I gave them a small wave. "Good luck and don’t burden Gawain again," I said cheerfully.
They flinched.
Gawain dragged a hand down his face. "Why are you like this..."
I gave him a bright, innocent smile as if I hadn’t just declared war while he looked like he wanted to resign from being alive.
"Now go," I waved him off. "Win your little fight. Make your master proud."
He stared at me one last time—probably reconsidering all his life decisions—before going back towards his team.
As soon as he left, I turned back toward the forest, cracked my neck slightly, and exhaled.
"Alright," I murmured.
Time to find my dear teammates.
Not to help them.
Oh no.
That would be ridiculous.
I just wanted to...
participate.
In my own way.
Preferably in a way that would make them question every decision they made today.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A few minutes later, my patience officially expired.
I stopped in the middle of the path, hands on my hips, glaring into the forest like it personally offended me.
"Just how deep did they go?" I muttered, clicking my tongue. "Did they migrate to another continent?"
Honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised.
I kept walking—gracefully, might I add—until I stepped into a clearing and frowned at scene.
"...What the hell?"
Right in the center, there was a man fighting not one, not two, but five Rogues at the same time.
I squinted to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
He looks more like a Rogue than the actual Rogues because he was laughing like this was the best day of his life.
Off to the side, I saw his team sitting casually, eating popcorn while watching him like this was some kind of live entertainment.
I stared at them, they stared back before shifting their gaze to me and continued watching the lunatic.
You know what? Sure, I’m tired anyway.
I walked over and sat beside them like I belonged there, crossed my legs, reached into their popcorn, and started eating.
No one stopped me.
"Excuse me," I said, crunching thoughtfully, "is that your teammate?"
"Unfortunately," one of them sighed, eyes dead inside.
"We were supposed to fight one Rogue," another added, aggressively pointing at the lunatic in the middle. "ONE. But this man decided that wasn’t enough."
"He literally called more," a third said, dragging a hand down his face. "Like he’s hosting a gathering."
I nodded slowly.
Understandable.
Relatable, even.
"So... why aren’t you helping him?" I asked. "You could finish faster."
"He doesn’t want us to," one of them snapped, pulling his hair. "He said we were ’stealing the fun.’"
"...Fun," I repeated, watching the man cackle as he dodged an attack.
"Yes," another deadpanned. "So we decided to sit here and wait for him to get tired."
"Then we kill one Rogue," the first added. "And go back. We’re not ruining our evaluation for him."
I nodded again.
’That’s reasonable.’
"Don’t worry," I said casually, grabbing more popcorn. "I’ll make sure my team comes last anyway."
All four of them slowly turned to look at me suspiciously.
"...I’m sorry, what?" one asked.
"Hey," I continued, ignoring the question entirely, shaking the bucket. "Are there no refills?"
"...Here," one of them said, handing me another bucket without question.
Bless you. Kind people still exist.
"And why would you do that?" another asked, narrowing his eyes. "Aren’t you worried about your evaluation?"
I popped a piece of popcorn into my mouth before smiling. "I don’t care about my evaluation," I said honestly. "My goal today is to make this hunt more... exciting."
"...You’d get along with him," one of them muttered, nodding toward the battlefield.
I looked at the man again.
"...No," I said after a moment. "He’s too enthusiastic."
I leaned back slightly, completely relaxed.
"Besides," I added, grabbing more popcorn, "someone has to make sure things don’t get boring."
They all stared at me like I had just casually announced I enjoy walking into danger for fun.
Soon enough, one of them seemed to realize something was wrong. He stared at me long enough to make me uncomfortable.
"...Wait."
Another leaned forward, squinting at me like I was a suspicious object.
"...You’re not even one of us."
I stopped mid-bite, stood up, dusted imaginary crumbs off my clothes like I had dignity to maintain, then cleared my throat.
"As thanks for the popcorn," I said graciously, "I will now solve your problem."
They stared at me.
"...How?" one of them asked, already sounding like he regretted asking.
I didn’t answer because explanations are overrated. I simply walked straight towards the battlefield, bucket full of popcorn in hand.
The man in the center was still fighting like a man possessed—laughing, dodging, swinging his weapon like he was starring in his own action movie.
I tilted my head. "Hey, boy."
"...Wha—?" He barely spared me a glance. "Huh? Why are you here? Get back!" he barked, barely dodging a Rogue’s claw.
’Unbelievable. Not only is he a lunatic, he also has no manners.’
"How long have you been fighting them?" I asked casually, eating another piece of popcorn.
"The fuck?" he snapped. "How the hell would I know?!"
I turned slightly, glancing at his teammates.
One of them shouted back, "Almost an hour!"
I nodded then looked back at the man.
"...Hey," I said loudly, voice carrying across the clearing, "quick question."
He didn’t answer.
"What’s the point of fighting five at once," I continued, "when you can’t even kill one?"
Silence.
The Rogues paused.
His teammates froze.
Even the wind seemed to go, "Oh?"
He slowly turned his head towards me. "...What?"
Then—without breaking eye contact—he threw his combat axe.
THUNK!
One Rogue dropped dead instantly.
"Oh wow, look at that!" I clapped once before shrugging, "it only took you an hour to remember how to aim!"
I popped another piece of popcorn into my mouth.
"So what are you trying to prove? That you can waste time efficiently?" I continued, louder now.
Behind me, I could feel his teammates spiritually leaving their bodies.
"Are you showing off?" I added. "Because if this is your definition of impressive, I think I’ve seen toddlers with better performance."
One Rogue lunged at him but he killed it instantly.
’Oh. So now he’s motivated.’
"Come on," I pressed, folding my arms. "Even watching you for ten seconds made me sleepy."
I glanced back at his team, expecting support, encouragement, applause, or something.
Instead, they were all sweating, avoiding eye contact, one of them even looked like he was praying.
’Traitors.’
A low dangerous chuckle echoed from the center. "You..." he said, voice dropping. "I’ll remember you."
He glanced at me, eyes sharp.
"What’s your name?"
I scoffed lightly and lifted my chin. "You’re not even worthy to know my name."
Behind me, I heard someone choke.
"Hey," I pointed lazily at his teammates. "What’s this lunatic’s name?"
They froze as they all looked at him before looking at me as if I just signed my death penalty.
One of them swallowed hard. "...H-His name is—"
Another elbowed him but he already spilled it out loud.
"Sebastian Grimm."