My Alleged Husband
Chapter 2032 - 1825: Relationships
Some relationships are very hard to maintain, and no one knows how long such a relationship can be held onto!
"Zhentian, there are some things that, deep down, you’re actually very clear about yourself. Those things can’t be forgotten just because you say you’ll forget them. Just like what I did to you today, the things I said to you today—you feel you can treat all of this as nothing, but can you really say that deep down you’re not conflicted at all? That you’re not hurting at all inside?
I believe that deep down you’re just as hurt, because you’re a man, and as a man you should have your dignity. You don’t want your own wife to be hankered after by anyone, you don’t want your own wife to still have another man in her heart, and that man isn’t even you. To you, that’s an immense humiliation.
All these years I’ve clearly seen the sincerity you’ve shown me, but I’ve always chosen to evade your sincerity, to turn a blind eye to it. Every word of blunt advice you gave me, I completely treated as if I hadn’t heard it. I know acting like this is really unfair to you, but there are some things I just can’t help. The only way I could tell you, could resist you, was by doing this, because only in this way might you slowly let go of me.
I once read a book called "Letting Go Is Also a Kind of Beauty." Letting go is a kind of fulfillment, you know? When I saw this book, I was so astonished. I kept thinking, why can other people manage to let go so perfectly, to turn away so perfectly? Even if, at the very instant she turned away, her face was already covered in tears, she could still leave resolutely. So why can’t I?
If back then, during the time you were pursuing me, I had turned around firmly and walked away, would today’s tragedy never have happened? Would you not have been hurt so deeply by me? All of this, everything, is the mistake I committed myself, yet in the end I let you bear this pain along with me. I truly feel very, very sorry.
Some things really can’t be put down. You can’t let go of the past. Those things I said to you—you also have no way to forget them. Since that’s the case, why must we force ourselves to be tangled together, when both of us carry guilt in our hearts, both of us are ill at ease? Is this the kind of life either of us wants? We’re only forcing each other, step by step, onto a dead-end road, only realizing at the moment when the other has nowhere left to retreat what exactly we did wrong, what kind of choice we made, and what kind of consequences that choice has brought upon us—whether, in this lifetime, we have actually gotten what we wanted!"
How could Zhang Zhentian not understand what his wife meant by all these words? What she wanted was nothing more than for him to let go, to fulfill her wish by letting her leave him. But for him, wasn’t that the hardest thing in the world to do?
"Maybe what you’re saying is right. But for me, there’s no way I can bring myself to let you go like that. Maybe it’s that I don’t have such a big heart. But do you know? The moment I think that once I let go, the woman I’ve held in my arms and cherished painstakingly for decades will no longer be mine, my heart feels as if it’s being cut by a knife. I can’t bear that kind of pain. I don’t want you to suffer that kind of pain along with me either. I just want us to live a steady, peaceful life together—is that really so hard? Can’t you give me a way out, and give yourself a way out as well?
You think I can’t let go of your past, but today I want to tell you clearly: as long as you’re willing to try to give me a chance, to try to love me, to try to stay by my side!
Then I’m willing, for your sake, to abandon all of the past. I can treat everything that happened before as if it never happened at all. I will still love you the way I used to, still stay by your side as before, never leaving, never abandoning you, until the end of my life, until we face the primordial chaos together.
Maybe you don’t really believe what I’m saying right now. But you know, every single word I say to you is sincere, from the bottom of my heart. I have never thought of deceiving you. Even though you’ve told me so many lies, I still believe you in my heart. I’m still willing, for you, to make choices that in everyone else’s eyes are not wise, not sensible decisions. I just want to keep you by my side. I’ve already come this far. I believe you won’t be as cold-hearted as before—knowing full well that you have feelings for me in your heart, yet still pushing me thousands of miles away..."
Zhang Yichen heard his father’s words, and he felt a bit torn inside; his heart trembled along with them. If even his own father could, for the sake of his mother, for the sake of his beloved, set aside the prejudices he once held, then why couldn’t he do the same? His wife was also someone he had spent ten long years searching for. That kind of feeling isn’t something that can be cut off just because you say so. Couldn’t he make some sacrifices for her? Did he really have to be so arbitrary, to let all of life’s great matters be ruined by these so-called small things?
Maybe only by truly letting go of the past would their shared future be the best choice for them both. Maybe only then would everyone know what kind of life they really wanted in this lifetime, and what choices they would make for that kind of life. Maybe those choices would benefit them for the rest of their lives; maybe those choices would leave them in debt and regret for the rest of their lives.
Ran Zhihan was also lost in thought. She didn’t understand why, if her parents could walk this far together, her own husband was unwilling to let go of his past prejudices.
If her husband could also be like this, how wonderful would that be? How happy her life would be in this lifetime—no one could possibly know.
"Zhentian, there are some things you can’t just let go of by saying you will, and you should understand that. Even if you stand here and swear to me that you can let go of everything in the past, can you really get over that hurdle in your heart?
I don’t want you to force yourself to do anything. I only hope you can speak and act according to your true heart, hope that you can live happily. As for me, it doesn’t matter—I don’t care how much pain I have to endure while I’m alive. As long as you can be happy, that’s enough. In the past I owed you far, far too much; I never once thought about changing anything for your sake. Now I just want to give something of myself for you!
I also hope you won’t be so foolish anymore, like before, pouring all of your emotions into me. If you do that, in the end you really will be exhausted, utterly exhausted. One day when I leave, you’ll feel as if you’ve suffered the greatest blow, and that’s not the ending I want to see. What I want is to see you smiling brightly at me.
But what you said today really moved me. Maybe one day I really will fall deeply in love with you. When that day comes, I truly won’t be able to free myself; I’ll be trapped in it for the rest of my life. If that day really does come, I hope you will truly be able to do as you’ve said today—let go of all that has passed, and live with me wholeheartedly!"