Chapter 164

Ciel

He takes my hand in his, interlocking our fingers.

"Are you sure?" he asks, his blue eyes looking at me with concern.

I look at him. After meeting Sebastian, I had just one thought, one reflex.

I had to see Nolan.

"Yeah." I squeeze his hand. "I just needed to see you."

I realize it now. For as long as we’ve known each other, whenever something be it a minor or major event that happened in our lives, he’s been my safe place.

He’s been my... home.

I think part of the reason my time with them was so dreadful was because I didn’t have my soulmate with me. I didn’t have Nolan to hug me and tell me it’s going to be alright.

That’s right.

Soulmate.

Nolan is the other half of my soul.

"You sure?" he asks.

I nod.

"Okay. Let me just finish this and I’ll have time for you, okay." He places a kiss to our joined knuckles, then heads to his desk.

I sit here and watch him.

He’s so attractive like this.

I watch as he walks out—through the glass walls, I track his movement. He stops at someone’s desk, leans over to look at their computer screen, says something I can’t hear. The other person nods. Nolan points at something on the screen, explains, straightens.

He comes back to the office.

And suddenly, Nolan is a grown man.

I hate to admit it, but while I am attracted to Nolan, I’ve always loved to see him whimper, at my mercy.

I never felt the I want to jump him type of chemistry I usually feel for Jack.

Maybe it was the mental block because we were friends.

But suddenly, I don’t feel very blocked right now.

This man is hot.

Literally.

I watch him sit back down, roll up his sleeves, run a hand through his hair. His forearms are muscular. His jaw is sharp. His fingers move across the keyboard with easy confidence.

When did he become so... much?

Where did that scrawny boy I used to watch cabbages with go?

The one who hid math textbooks under his bed and taught himself code on a broken laptop. The one who looked at me like I was the sun but never said a word.

This is a different man.

A man I’m suddenly very attracted to.

A man I trust.

A man who’s been here all my life.

A man who will be here all my life.

A man who makes me feel safe.

A man who loves me.

A man I love.

A man who’s in love with me.

A man I’m...I’m...I think...I’m in love with too.

The realization strikes me, immediate and undeniable.

Did I just fall in love with him? Or like him have I always been in love with him, waiting for the right moment to notice?

I think about our relationship. I have always been a tad bit possessive, but that’s because he’s my only friend. I didn’t want to lose him.

And as if on cue, a memory unwillingly pops up.

---

I look at the different snacks in the local gas station.

"Uhm, hey. You’re the Baron’s son, right? The omega?" A pretty little girl says.

"Yeah."

"I recently moved to Tillermill. A few weeks ago."

"Okay." Why is this girl talking to me? I just want to get snacks.

"Uhm, they say you’re good friends with Nolan."

"Yeah. We’re best friends."

"That’s great." She’s too chipper.

"Uhm, I share a couple of classes with Nolan. I think he’s cute. And kind. Is he seeing anybody?"

"Uhm, no." I don’t like where this is going.

"I was wondering whether you could give him my number. I like him." She’s blushing.

It makes me uncomfortable.

"Uhm, why are you asking me?"

"Well, I was kinda too shy to ask for his number myself."

I pause.

"Uh, he doesn’t really like me giving out his number."

She looks disappointed. She’s pretty, but not that pretty. Just slightly above average for a beta. Nolan is too good for her.

"I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but Nolan said he’s not interested in dating anyone right now. I thought it was a lie, till he rejected Nancy. I genuinely don’t know why he would do that. Maybe he already likes someone? He’s my best friend but even I don’t understand him sometimes."

Nancy is the prettiest girl in Tillermill. And Nollie did reject her. So I’m not lying.

"Oh, I see." She looks dejected.

"I’m sorry I couldn’t help," I say, not feeling sorry at all.

---

I cover my face in my hands, so embarrassed. I can’t believe this.

That girl was not an isolated incident at all. I would actively block girls interested in him. Sometimes I would wish he were an alpha instead.

Why would I want him to be an alpha, if I didn’t want him?

I look up. He’s still typing on his computer, focused, oblivious to the crisis unfolding in my head.

I place my hands on my thighs. My heart is racing.

I don’t know how long I sit frozen like a statue.

Then I feel the space in the office couch dip beside me. I realize Nolan has sat down.

"Done?" I ask.

"Yeah, unless something comes up. I’m free for now." He leans back into the couch, placing an arm along the backrest.

The buttons on his dress shirt strain across his chest.

"Maybe you should do a little less chest when you’re working out?" I say.

"How could I?" He glances at me, one eyebrow raised. "When you and Jack love my chest so much?"

I lightly smack his chest.

He doesn’t even flinch.

"So what really happened today?" he asks.

I hesitate. Then: "I saw Sebastian."

Nolan’s face immediately becomes stormy. His jaw tightens, his eyes darken, and I can feel the tension coil through his shoulders.

"Relax. Nothing happened." I lean into the crook of his neck. He brings the arm that was draped along the couch to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me closer.

"Still," he says, his voice low.

I snuggle closer, pressing my face against his chest. His heartbeat is steady under my ear. Fast, but steady.

"I mean it. Nothing happened." I trace my fingers along the seam of his shirt.

I have to fight the voices telling me not to pop that button.