Julian’s fingers instinctively went to his neck; the phantom sensation of cold, invisible fingers tightening around his throat resurfaced at the mere thought of the Fallen God.

Back then in the void, the fallen god had talked so much, saying he had ruined things yet again, trying to save others instead of just being a spectator.

If he hated him that much, he should’ve killed him. No, death would be too easy. Then, he should’ve told him who he was and his crimes to torture him properly. 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝕨𝕖𝗯𝚗𝚘𝕧𝕖𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝕞

"If he hated me this much..." Julian muttered. "Why did he keep it a secret?"

"Because he is a creature who delights in the slow crawl of agony," the Light responded, its voice shimmering with a trace of sorrow. "He wanted to watch you struggle and drown in a sea of ’why’ without ever reaching the shore of the truth. The hatred he bears for you is older than the empires of this world, Julian. It was born the moment you chose his creation over him."

Julian’s heart hammered against his ribs. "Is that when it happened? The first demon war? A thousand years ago?"

"The first and last demon war was the physical manifestation of your betrayal," the Light explained, its form pulsing with a rhythmic, golden glow. "When Alias turned away, the balance was shattered. The war was not just a battle for land; it was the screams of a world losing its architect. If you wish to fix this mess, you must understand the foundation upon which it was built."

"How?" Julian asked, his voice sounding small. "I saw the records in the archive, and they were all vague. Light is a shield, it said. You must remember the war, so can’t you just tell me? How do I stop this war, or how do I stop the fallen god from destroying this world? If I did it before, I should be able to do it again, right?"

The light went silent for a second.

"Certainly," It said. "But you can only ever utilize the solution if you understand the essence of your own soul. Right now, you have no idea what happened back then and why you made the decision you did. There is no point telling you."

But... Julian felt desperate. He can’t have heard all these truths he didn’t ask to hear, only to not be able to get the one answer he was looking for.

If there were records, he would find them. Books in libraries? Archives...? He would search everywhere if the god of light refused to give him the answer.

"I did not say I would not give you the answer," the light murmured. "I only said you will not be able to understand it if you do not understand the essence of your soul," the Light reached out toward him. "Alias, you must read the only record that cannot be burned or manipulated by anyone, not even me. You must read the book of your soul in order to understand your essence."

Julian blinked, his mind reeling. "The book of my soul?" Wasn’t that asking him to look into his soul and somehow remember the things that happened a thousand years ago? "How is that even possible? I can barely remember what I had for breakfast two months ago, let alone a thousand years of divinity."

"I will help you," the Light promised, the gazebo around them beginning to dissolve into shimmering particles. "When you return to your quarters and sleep takes you, I will ensure that the seal on your spirit will soften. You will open the book of your soul and see the beginning. You will understand why you are standing here now as a man, instead of sitting among the divine."

The being’s radiance softened, the shifting light settling into a warm, steady glow. It leaned back in the gazebo chair, its formless face seeming to study Julian with a profound, ancient melancholy.

​"You once told your lover that you do not know how to love," the Light said, the words vibrating through Julian’s chest like a low chord on a cello. "You believed yourself to be a hollow thing, a spectator with no capacity for the depth you saw in others. But in actuality, Alias, you love way more than you can account for. You have a heart so vast it becomes a liability. You chose to suffer a thousand cycles of mortality just to keep the world you loved from being erased."

​Julian bowed his head, his fingers trembling as he began to twiddle his thumbs—a nervous habit that felt strangely small and human in the face of such a revelation.

The words replayed in his mind, sparking a dull ache of familiarity. I did that? He couldn’t remember doing it, yet the shame of the sentiment felt like an old scar.

​The glowing figure suddenly paused, turning its head slightly as if listening to a sound from the distance.

​"I think our time is up," the Light said, its voice beginning to sound thin and distant, as if Julian were being pulled underwater. "It is late in the world below. Any longer than this, and the Grand Duke will burn down my sanctuary in his desperation. I would hate to have to punish the lover you fought so hard to save for an act of misguided devotion."

​Julian’s eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat as he heard that.

"Wait! What do you mean? The lover I fought to save? Are you talking about Lucien? Was... was he there back then?"

​The Light offered no further answer. The glowing form and the tea table vanished, replaced by a sudden, violent sensation of falling.

The last thing Julian heard was the harmony of a thousand bells fading into the cold, sharp reality of the wind.

​Then came the warp. One moment, he was in the warm, suffocating presence of a god; the next, his knees slammed back down onto the cold, hard glass of the Sanctuary of the Star-Glass, cold sweat dripping off his chin and pooling at his knees.

​"Julian!"

​The shout echoed through the dome, raw and frantic.

Julian gasped, his lungs burning as the ambient air of the Sanctuary rushed back into him.

He looked up, his violet eye dimming from its brilliant glow, to see Alaric standing at the edge of the crystal circle, his sword drawn and his face a mask of pure, terrified rage.

What had happened while he was having a meeting with the god of light?