Chapter 175: Coming Out to Play, You Must Pay Back

(60 votes for an extra Chapter, third Chapter 11,000 words, can’t keep my eyes open, both brain and hands don’t rest, but eyes need a break, will continue tomorrow, still one Chapter for every 20 votes. Please support with monthly passes!)

The first time for anyone can leave a very deep impression, no matter what it is. The most representative and nearly universal experiences are the first love, the first sexual encounter, both leaving a lasting impression.

And the first time killing, there’s even less need to say.

Killing, in this era of peace, in peaceful countries, is an experience few people have. The vast majority never kill in their lifetime. Murderers, whether from Yun Country or Celestial Continent Countries, many ordinary people who commit murder due to certain triggers often take their own lives afterward. Because living means facing even more pressure! Even for police, when they shoot a criminal for the first time during a mission, they often need to see a psychologist and adjust their state for a long time.

Li Yan’s situation back then was much more brutal. The survivors were nearly all severely injured. But no one provided them psychological counseling; surviving became their passing grade, and treatment was considered a reward. For these teenagers, they not only had to endure the psychological shadow of personally killing their companions with their bare hands but also face even greater psychological pressure — the partners fortunate enough to survive this time are the opponents in the next test!

In such a state, no one dared to make friends, no one wanted to invest emotions. Because in the next test, you might have to kill, or be killed by, your friend! This is even more brutal than facing a partner. Even if not directly against them, watching them be killed by others is a very distressing thing. If they aren’t killed by others but kill others instead, the pressure is deeper and longer — it means a greater chance of facing your friends in the next round!

So, after that time, everyone became more withdrawn, silent, and indifferent. With injuries not yet healed, new training began, a level more intense, yet no one dared to slack off; they all trained for their lives, spurred on by the threat of death, by the presence of the Grim Reaper, no one could relax.

What must come will eventually come. The second round of tests differed from the first. No longer a one-on-one closed room bare-handed fight, it placed everyone in a massive arena-like place with various tools and cold weapons, but only half as many as the number of people. In other words, not everyone could have a weapon, and the fairness of the first time was gone. To stay alive, first, you had to seize a weapon, then kill others!

The rule was still one hour. Within this hour, a melee had to result in half of the people being killed, leaving the other half to survive. This time the backup threat was not hungry wolfdogs but bullets from a submachine gun! Meaning, if everyone held back waiting for others to move, after an hour they’d face a spray of bullets randomly eliminating at least half.

No one would wait for a miracle during the last bullet spray, that would be leaving life to chance. By desperately fighting, at least there’s some control.

This situation was more cruel and dangerous, facing not one opponent but having to kill more to reach safety sooner. Equally, facing more hunters. Compared to slowly facing death the first time, this time brought many more crises of being suddenly ambushed and killed.

Everyone understood, there was no other choice for survival. Hesitate even slightly, and you become part of the death quota. Li Yan, upon entry, was rather fortunate to grab an axe nearby. By that time, he no longer bore the gentle high school student’s temperament; his practice had honed him to leopard-like agility. The weight and handle of the axe gave it more lethal force and control than a dagger or machete.

This was his luck, but equally his misfortune.

Because with a better weapon, he had to kill even more, reaching half the death quota early so everyone entered safety. His weapon also became a target of competition, drawing more attacks from others!

Under the premise of only half having weapons, those unarmed were often doomed unless exceptionally skilled in stamina and hand-to-hand combat. In reality, such skilled ones had mostly already grabbed weapons fast. Those without mainly had a luck or strength issue. To avoid being killed, they had to seize weapons for protection!

Similarly, those who grabbed a dagger felt it inferior to a machete; those with sticks felt inferior to pipes... everyone sought more security, so Li Yan, luckily with an axe, was targeted by many and besieged.

This test made some regret; if not for the first elimination method fostering fear of emotional ties with friends, if there had been a few friends to ally and attack the isolated, survival chances would be much higher. Not being friends, even with occasional temporary allies, alliances could dissolve or be backstabbed anytime.

In this fight, Li Yan didn’t know how many he hacked down, only that his axe was covered in blood by the end, the handle, palm, arms, body splattered in blood, some others’, some his own, mixed indistinguishably, becoming a blood-covered man, and also injured all over, by pipes, knives, stabs, punches, kicks... 𝕗𝐫𝐞𝕖𝕨𝐞𝗯𝚗𝕠𝘃𝐞𝚕.𝐜𝗼𝚖

It wasn’t only him; the surviving half were all like this!

Because everyone started in the same environment, same training, same desperate struggle, with similar starting points. The only difference lay in strength differences from innate physical attributes and comprehension abilities. Overall, the strength gap wasn’t too wide. Granted, weapons made distinctions clear, but the unarmed had no retreat and fought even more fiercely; some with weapons sought to seize better ones. Ultimately, the result was a great melee, killing till exhaustion, till at least half were dead...

...

Just recalling the agony and distress, helplessness and despair of the first round, the first kill, made Li Yan’s emotions a bit uncontrollable. When he remembered the massacre of the second round, where long-acquainted, familiar-faced companions fell one by one in pools of blood, the scene made his ’Heart Demon’ tremble. Forget about narrating it, even recalling it was impossible.

This attempt to reveal his psychological scars undoubtedly failed. The Heart Demon made it hard for him to control himself; his mental awareness was on the brink of losing control, though physically he still had some perception.

To Li Yan, this was a very familiar scene!

Initially, after using the ’Heart Demon’ ability to kill, he began experiencing backlash, progressing from mild to severe. When it was relatively mild, he could control his thoughts and strategize. At the time, without in-depth self-research, he thought it was similar to the psychological issues many assassins faced after killing, thinking only of alleviation, first relieving and then guiding. He did this by frantically sleeping with women, exhausting his physical energy to numb his body and mind, sleeping for a long time, waking up with mild symptoms, and then adjusting his mental state through other relaxing lifestyles.

Thus, during that period, he was also excessively playing with women. To calm his violent tendencies, he chose to play wildly with foreign women. Li Yan’s normal physiological needs wouldn’t lead him to such foreign women, but due to the task, he would often conserve his energy for a period. Coupled with his volatile state, he needed such intense impact.

Later, as it worsened, he no longer had time to pursue one-night stand targets, nor did he want to spend money on professional escorts. He maintained contact with a few acceptable one-night stand women, notifying them in advance when he had particular needs, then going over directly to vent.

Eventually, Li Yan realized there was a problem, and it wasn’t a conventional psychological issue—very likely a side effect of utilizing the ’Heart Demon’ ability. He started to reduce its use and secretly studied these matters, reading books and materials on psychology, emotional control, neurology, mysticism, religion, sorcery, and so forth. At that time, not only was King’s reputation soaring, occupying the top spot in the S-grade assassin world for a while, but even the Assassin Group he organized had made a significant impact.

Therefore, regardless of interests, fame, or other factors, he no longer needed to take tasks so intensively. He began not using or minimally using ’Heart Demon.’

In fact, with his capabilities, he could successfully complete assignments even without using ’Heart Demon.’ But using it ensured no trace of his kills was found, making it safer and achieving the impossible, establishing the glorious legend of ’King’ within the Assassin Realm. Otherwise, with new talents emerging in each generation, even undefeated on S-grade tasks, ranked first continuously, it wouldn’t be enough to make so many peers feel King was extraordinarily mysterious and magical.

Since fully retreating over two years ago, returning to East Continent, hiding in the urban area among ordinary people of Yun Country, Li Yan not only learned many things but also basically explored ways to treat the symptoms. Without further use of ’Heart Demon,’ through more than a year of peaceful, clear-minded living, even with occasional use this year, he didn’t experience strong backlash.

Of course, he no longer sought wild battles with foreign women.

But in his recent state, his consciousness was a bit blurred, and he forgot he was in a hotel talking to Qiao Huanxuan and forgot why he touched upon memories he avoided. It was only when he was about to reach his limit that he noticed the woman in front of him. This familiar scene naturally made him think he was having a one-night stand with a wild foreign woman.

With subconscious confirmation, he no longer hesitated.

...

After a while, Qiao Huanxuan finally came to her senses, gave a gentle push but couldn’t move Li Yan, seeing he had fallen into a deep sleep. This made her amused and bemused, and she muttered to herself.

"This guy, did he hide magic oil under the pillow? Or secretly took Viagra?"

"...Damn, it’s like he outright assaulted me... the saying ’you reap what you sow’ really holds. Last time I symbolically assaulted him, now he’s returned the favor with brute force..."

After a string of mumbling complaints, a silent question arose in her mind: What could be the reason that triggered such a significant change in Li Yan? What painful memories are bottled up inside him? Can I... help him release them?

(To be continued. For more updates, log on to www.qidian.com and support the author with authorized reading!)