Glimpses Of A Love Feeling

ANNIE

I wonder. Just then I hear my Nanny’s footsteps approaching my door. I hastily jump down and push the chair back to it’s original position in front of my dresser and also jump into my bed just in time before she opens the door.

Good thing my copy of wuthering heights had been lying on my bed. I just had to grab it and pretend like I was reading. "Good morning, Mrs Alice." I greet. She looks at me in pleasant surprise. Her somewhat aged features giving way to a radiant smile. "Someone has discarded her old habit." I don’t know if that is a tease or a compliment. I just smile. I have indeed discarded my old habit of sleeping in started waking up very early ever since the hot guy began living next door. "Here, have your milk." She said routinely. I am tired of always having milk every morning. It has been going on for as long as I can remember. "Can’t I skip it today?" I hopefully ask.

"Pancakes, need I reeducate you that milk contains calcium and other vitamins that are essential for growth. You still want to be a model don’t you?" I nodded yes. "Height is a number one feature for a model. Have you ever seen a short model?"

"Devon Aoki is 5’ 5"

"Who is that?"

"The model with the cool yet dangerously attractive eyes and face you couldn’t stop complimenting on that show the day before yesterday." I answer.

"Oh, I remember now. But she isn’t an actual supermodel like Naomi Campbell and Barbara Palvin. If you want to be like them, your height has got a long way to go." She places the tray on the nightstand. "Drink it and wash up. I will be returning with your breakfast in ten."

"Wait." I call out. "What is for breakfast?"

"The usual." She responds in a clipped tone. You are not thinking of carb-loading, are you?"

"No." I was just hoping for it to be a little different. I say inwardly. She leaves and I return to check outside. He was no longer there. I solemnly pad into the bathroom to do my usual morning routine. I stand bare in front of the bathroom mirror checking out my body to see if I had been losing weight like I have been working to.

I trace my fingers over my collarbones that are now more noticeable than they were last week. My collarbones are getting okay. But my body is still full. It doesn’t seem to slim down after all I have been doing to ensure I lose the weight. I have increased my treadmill time by an extra one hour. Along with the other cardio exercises and strictly stuck to dieting. I have been doing that for over a year now. With all that, my body mass has only come down by just five percent. I have tried almost every weight loss pills and methods I know of. I am so frustrated and disappointed. Should I stop eating altogether and just live on ice cubes and maybe a meal in one week or ten days? 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝓮𝒘𝙚𝙗𝒏𝙤𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝒐𝙢

I exhale. I think I am going to have to do that. Yes. I finished having my bath. The milk tray on my dresser had been taken away and replaced with another one. I open the plate cover and see the fruit, veggies and salad beautifully artistically arranged in the shape of a heart. I could not help but smile. Mrs Alice still sees me as the little girl who always wanted her food to be plated nicely into stupid decorations. I only take a strawberry out of it. I put on a hoodie and denim trousers. Briar, my elder sister was coming out of her room at the same time I was. "Hey loser." She said as we walk down the stairs. I keep quiet not knowing what to say to her. I have told her time and again not to call me loser. She and I got into a fight because of it one time. I was the only one punished by mom. According to her, it is no problem for her to call me a loser as she is better than me. "It is a tease of envy and jealousy when you are better than the one who is teasing you. It is due criticism if it is coming from someone better than you." Those were her words. In her books, Briar had every right to call me a loser. Briar is way more beautiful than me. She’s got our mom’s piercing grey almond eyes. Her perfect nose and a natural slim curvy figure that any girl would kill to get. I am very average compared to her because I take after my Dad. I hate Briar so much. She got everything, our mom’s gorgeous beauty, the brains, the body, the said "star power" that makes her popular wherever she goes. And lastly our parents love and likeness. We met mom downstairs reading a newspaper. Briar goes to kiss her cheek and greet her. "My amazing stunner. How was last night? Did you have fun? What time did you get home?"

"One question at a time. Yes, I did have fun. So much fun that I got home pretty late. But it was spectacular! You and Dad should make my upcoming birthday something like that too." She pouts cutely.

"Of course, darling."

Briar was not the only one who went to that party last night. I did too. I fucking did. But she is the only one who gets asked how it was. I silently watch the two of them play the ever-iconic mother-daughter duo. I don’t exist to them. "Good morning Mom." She barely hums to my greeting. I clutch the end of my hoodie tightly to hold in the emotions of neglect. I will have to go get new rubber bands after school. Don’t be hurt Anita. You have always been pushed aside.