I say to myself as I come out of the house and walked down the road to school. Briar has a ride gifted to her by our parents on her birthday last year. I don’t ride with her despite her asking because I get pushed aside and seen as irrelevant as dirt by her friends. So I prefer to walk the distance, plug in my earphones and listen to my sad playlist and feel as if I am the only one in the world. Nate zoomed past me in his convertible. I sighted a girl with him in the car. My heart squeezes. I had seen him with her at the party last night. I wasn’t invited. I made the uncomfortable decision to leech unto my sister so I could get in. I went because I knew he would be there. He is friends with Anthony Beaumont. The guy who was throwing the party. I wanted to see him from a little distance for a change and not always from afar. I did see him. He was playing dirty with that girl and making out with her. I watched closely, unable to look away even though I was feeling deeply hurt. His eyes strays to me at some point. I smoothly averted my gaze somewhere else like I hadn’t been staring at him and the girl like such a loser. School is the same today. Ever Uneventful and mundane like my life. Briar, along with her friends shines as the queen bees. The model girls of the school. The type that all the guys want to nail and all the girls want to be stayed behind in an empty class reading Wuthering Heights novel while everyone else was eating lunch at the cafeteria. At some point, I reluctantly put down the book to go the toilet to relieve myself. I heard heavy breathing sounds and grunts that also sounds like moans as I approach. I open the door and found Nate leaning against the opposite side of the wall, and a girl on her knees in front of him. My mouth fell open in surprise. I realized what they were doing and the fact that I should go away, but I just couldn’t for some stupid unknown reason. I didn’t feel like I had legs in that moment. I just stood there, watching. He sees me, but did not seem shocked and embarrassed. His eyes were on me. I gazed back directly into the deep lust that are reflecting in them. His skin was sweaty. His hair a ruffled mess. His hands are on both sides of her face, holding her in place. His breathing becomes even more heavier and deeper. Each rough sound going through my ears and sending wierd emotions to my entire body. Filthy ramblings spills from his lips. I hear choking sounds. It must be coming from the girl. Despite that, she continues to work her head in a ravenous motion until he reaches the brink. His body seizes as he releases. ’So this is what you sound and look like when you cum.’ He looks down at her with tenderness as he tucks himself back into his pants. I awoke from my haze daze when the girl turns. Her face settles into a deep frown of blatant annoyance upon seeing me. She is not the girl I saw this morning in his car. "What the fuck are you doing here bitch?" She fires.

"I—I. . . the bathroom." I stuttered.

"Were you there watching the entire time?" Her angry seething takes my mind back to a Neo wildlife documentary that I had seen. She looks just about like when a king Cobra bares his fangs to attack.

"I immediately turn on my heels and run like there is an actual king Cobra snake or any kind of snake on my tail. She doesn’t chase me like I thought she would.

I am an ultra-wallflower, so it was very easy to avoid running into Nate. Not that our paths ever crosses though. He is an adored and dignified senior. While I am a moody, relatively unknown sophomore.

And everytime

Everytime you go

It’s like a knife just cuts right through my soul

Only love

Only love can hurt like this

Only love can hurt like this

Must have been a deadly Kiss

Only love can hurt like this

Only love can hurt like this

Your kisses burn into my skin

Only love can hurt like this

I let myself drown in the deep, hurtful lyrics. I don’t understand why I find myself relating to the song so well. I feel the sad melody every single time I listen to it as if I am in a situation where love could hurt me.

A loud honk blaring jerks me out of my emotional music-hole. A black convertible has parked beside me. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you." He waves. Trepidation grips me. Nate Knightley. Is this about the restroom incident? It must be. Why else would he stop his car besides you?

". . . .Look, I am sorry for what happened back there. I didn’t mean to stay and see it, I was just shocked. Please don’t see me as wierd. I am not a voyeur, or anything, I just—I am deeply sorry." I squeeze the hem of my shirt, lowering my head as I apologize. When I dared to raise my head, I saw him smiling. Nate Knightley is smiling at me? Oh my god. "It wasn’t your fault, bunny. It is my fault for going through with it there." He says. "You live at the Roxy’s, right?"

"Yes I do." God, he knows that. He do knows me.

"Are you heading home?"

"Yes I am."

"Get in, I’II drive you."

"R-really." This is one of my dreams again right? This is not real, is it? I am having a meltdown, as well as a sudden burst of excitement after the initial caution I had felt. My crush is offering me a ride? I sit rigid besides him on the passenger seat, afraid to even breath. I was having trouble putting the seatbelt on. "Wait, let me. . ." His hands reached out. My breath catches as he leans in close to put on the seatbelt. The scent of sandalwood and cigarettes hit me hard. "The buckling mechanism is a little tricky." He says.