Chapter 69: 69 | The Siren, The Headpat, and The Loaded Weapon

Jordan’s face went hot.

Bunny ears and a butt plug.

The System just gave him sex toys designed to make girls ovulate on command.

Combined with his infinite nut trait.

This is a pregnancy speedrun kit.

The mental image of Chloe wearing bunny ears and a tail while he filled her up for the third time tonight made his dick twitch in his jeans.

No. Bad Jordan. Focus.

He had two pulls left. Maybe one would be actually useful.

PULL 4/5

The wheel spun. Stopped on a hand icon with a glowing aura.

[Headpat]

|Common Trait|

Tactile soothing optimization applied to the upper extremities. Direct physical contact with the crown of a target’s head now triggers an immediate endorphin release, forcefully neutralizing hostile cognitive states and accelerating passive Attraction generation. Provides the target with an overwhelming sense of physiological safety.

(System Note: You are a grown man, not an anime character. Ensure you have established actual rapport before reaching for a registered beauty’s hair, or risk immediate pepper spray deployment.)

Jordan read the description twice.

Headpats. Literal headpats that drug girls into liking him.

The anime protagonist move.

This is so stupid it might actually work.

He could pat Chloe’s head and she’d melt. Pat Kumiko’s head and she’d probably propose marriage on the spot.

The trait felt manipulative. But also kind of sweet in a weird way.

Better than the tumbleweed at least.

Jordan hit the button one last time.

PULL 5/5

The wheel spun. Landed on a mouth icon with sound waves radiating outward.

[Alluring Whisper]

|Uncommon Trait|

Vocal cord resonance and timber have been recalibrated to emit peak-frequency acoustic wavelengths. Speech patterns now bypass conscious resistance, inducing involuntary neurological attraction and heightened suggestibility in listeners. Passively enhances all auditory persuasion metrics.

(System Note: Your voice now possesses the acoustic properties of a siren, but you still possess the vocabulary of a chronically online eighteen-year-old. Seductive baritones will not save you if you continue to say incredibly stupid things. Think before you speak.)

Jordan’s throat felt warm. Tingly.

His voice had been upgraded.

Every word he spoke would now carry weight. Persuasion. Attraction.

Holy shit this is actually good.

Between Tune Up, Alluring Whisper, and Headpat, he had a triple combo of physical attraction, vocal seduction, and emotional manipulation.

The other two traits were, to put it charitably, garbage.

Bitch Breaker required him to hate-fuck someone into a personality change, which was the kind of software installation that made zero sense on a guy who’d never gotten further than a handshake until recentlu.

Dramatic Tumbleweed was the universe telling him it had a sick sense of humor, a completely useless joke trait that would keep showing up in his gacha history to haunt him.

And Bunny’s Blessings was a fertility event disguised as a bedroom accessory, one the System had already flagged as a loaded weapon given the things he’d said to Chloe.

Alluring Whisper and Headpat were different. Those were actually useful. A voice that made people lean in and want to agree, combined with the ability to defuse someone’s entire emotional state by touching the top of their head. In a karaoke bar full of people who’d be slightly drunk and looking for a reason to like somebody, both of those traits were going to do serious work.

Jordan closed the gacha menu and pulled up his ticket balance.

Quest Tickets: 4 🎫

Four. He needed ten for another bronze pull, which meant he was six short and completely locked out until he earned more. The karaoke quest sat in his notifications, still blinking, offering fifteen tickets if he registered someone tonight.

Do I actually want to do that?

Chloe sat at fifty-three percent. Climbing steadily.

Registering a second girl meant splitting his attention. Managing two relationships simultaneously.

But it also meant progress toward the fake inheritance goal. Proof that he was serious about the three-girlfriend requirement.

Chloe would see him flirting with Alexis or Kumiko tonight.

Would she care?

She said she needed time to process.

Maybe seeing him actively pursue other girls would force her to make a decision. Either commit fully or walk away.

Jordan’s stomach twisted.

That’s manipulative as hell.

But also practical.

The System wanted him to collect beauties like Pokemon. Optimize his chemistry percentages. Max out his cashback rates.

Chloe knew about the inheritance. She agreed to be girlfriend number one.

Registering someone tonight was just following through on the plan.

Jordan accepted the quest.

🎤 KARAOKE GAMBIT: ACCEPTED

A timer appeared. Five hours until midnight.

His phone buzzed. A text from Chloe.

Chloe: you still coming at 7:45?

Jordan: Yeah

Chloe: good. i’m almost ready

Chloe: wore something cute

Chloe: you’re gonna die when you see it

Jordan’s pulse kicked up.

Cute.

Chloe defined cute very differently than most girls.

Probably meant thigh-highs and shorts again. Or a skirt. Maybe a crop top that showed her stomach and the marks he left on her ribs.

His dick stirred.

Down boy. We have karaoke first.

Jordan checked the time. Seven thirty-two.

Thirteen minutes until pickup.

He grabbed his wallet. His keys. His phone.

Headed for the door.

Paused.

Turned back.

Opened his inventory screen.

[Bunny’s Blessings] sat there. Unused.

A thought crossed his mind. Dangerous. Reckless.

What if I gave them to Chloe tonight?

After karaoke. After they got home.

Watch her put on the ears and the tail. Watch her eyes glaze over as the neurochemical charm kicked in.

Then fuck her until the sun came up.

The Ceaseless Discharge trait would keep him going. The Bunny’s Blessings would keep her begging.

Jordan’s hand hovered over the item.

No.

Not yet.

Not until he knew for sure Chloe was all in.

The pregnancy warning flashed in his memory.

Do not deploy unless you are prepared to pay eighteen years of child support.

Jordan closed the inventory.

Locked his phone.

Walked out the door.

Time to pick up his girlfriend and pretend he wasn’t planning to register a second one before midnight.

This is fine. Everything is fine.

The lie tasted bitter.

But Jordan was getting really good at lying lately.