A New Life In The Beast World-Chapter 120: Unwanted Thoughts (2)

"Serena!" Someone called out as Serena’s eyes snapped open and she sprang up into a sitting position.

She gasped out for air, her hand clenching at her chest as she took in deep breaths. Liz was still in its kitten form, gazing up at her with a worried look.

"Serena..." Liz called out again.

"I... huff.... Fine." Serena huffed out, trying to calm her breathing.

It was just a bad dream. A nightmare fueled by what they had been talking about. She was alive, not drowning in blood and filth. But despite those thoughts, words from her nightmare still rang in her ears.

Even as she closed her eyes, she could imagine it all. It felt so real, Serena was almost doubting whether it had happened or not. Liz opened its mouth a few times, but nothing came out.

It could only watch helplessly as Serena calmed herself down. It couldn’t interfere.

Eventually, Serena drew her knees up to her chest and laid her head on her knees. Liz moved over to Serena and rubbed its side over her legs, hoping that would at least comfort Serena.

"You’re fine." Liz murmured softly. "Everything’s fine..."

"No... No it’s not." Serena muttered out. "I should be dead. It’s only right after everything I’ve done... But I’m too scared to face it. I’ll do anything not to face it."

Liz paused its movements and glanced up at Serena, not sure what to say. It wasn’t completely aware of Serena’s life, but knew she had done some bad things. And she didn’t want to face what she had done.

So the guilt ate away at her slowly until it broke her. If it hadn’t already.

And this was partly its fault. Liz knew she had pushed Serena a bit with all that talk from earlier, but it was for good reason. It couldn’t stand to watch Serena try to bury it all instead of facing it.

Because it was consuming her so much that she didn’t even realize it. And Liz was scared it would be too much for her to bear one day.

"You need to let it all out." Liz finally said. "Keeping it buried will only make it worse."

"I... I can’t." Serena mumbled. "I can’t... Seeing all that death... No..."

She didn’t want to relive through those memories again. Her nightmares told her enough that she could never face them again. It would destroy her. Burying it all was the easy thing to do.

At least that was what she thought.

But after coming to this world, she was constantly having to face it all some way or another. And she hated it to no end. Because this was how she dealt with everything. How she was able to sleep at night with herself.

"You’re never going to heal like this..." Liz exclaimed. "You’re just going to keep getting worse!"

Serena finally raised her head, showing tears steaming down her face. The sight made Liz gape at her, shocked by the display. Serena was normally so calm and collected save for the occasional nightmare.

"I’m a coward! A walking contradiction!" Serena screamed out. "Someone who’s willing to do evil things, but can’t handle the outcome of it! My brain is a fucking mess right now and I don’t need you adding to it!"

She went silent and put her head back down, mumbling out in a softer tone, "So please... stop pushing me. I can only handle so much. I need time to deal with this all!"

"Then we’ll take it one step at a time." Liz murmured back softly, knowing they were finally starting to get somewhere.

Serena might not ever accept what she had done, but at least now she was willing to work over it. She wasn’t going to bury it all. And that was enough for Liz.

***

Theo snapped his eyes open at the sudden sound of movement, his body going into alert mode. His eyes scanned for any threats, finally landing on the culprit - Serena trying to sneak out.

He shifted into his human form and walked over to her, curious to what she was doing. Only to stop in his tracks as he gazed at Serena’s face in horror. Tear streak lines covered her face and her eyes were red and puffy.

"What the..." Theo murmured, trying to find the right words.

"Oh..." Serena touched her face. "Is it bad?"

"Terrible." Liz answered, the system half-snoozing in her hair. "I told you to clean your face quickly."

Serena wanted to throttle the damn system. She looked like this partly because it just had to keep pushing her. Still, she had to admit after talking about it, she felt a little lighter.

Especially after ugly crying about it all. Who knew crying could feel so good? Granted she didn’t exactly want Theo or worse Kiro to catch the aftermath of it all and tried to get her face clean before they woke up.

Forgetting that Theo was basically a great security system with his senses. Even when sleeping.

"It’s... um... something." Theo finally answered, scratching his head. He wanted to ask her what was going on, but thought better of it. Instead, he just asked, "Do you want me to boil you some water?"

"It’s fine, I can do it. Go back to sleep." Serena waved him off. "You should get some rest."

"I’m not going to get any sleep with you wandering around." Theo argued, heading out into the cold night to get a fire going. Serena followed behind him as he added, "Might as well help you."

Serena sighed, deciding not to fight over it. She already fought enough for one day and was too tired to do anymore. So instead, she took a seat in front of the fire Theo was making and let him do what he wanted.

Once Theo got some water boiling for her, he moved to take a seat next to her. They sat in silence for some time, gazing up at the night sky.

Finally curiosity got the better of Theo and he asked, "Are you okay?"