Accidentally become a father-Chapter 98: A Morning Too Heavy

_

Morning.

The sun had just risen.

A thin light swept across the streets.

It wasn’t bright.

But it was enough to wash away the remains of the night.

_

I walked.

Slowly.

My footsteps felt heavy.

Every step seemed to add to the weight.

My muscles ached.

My whole body.

Like I had just been battered by something.

_

My eyes...

were heavy.

So heavy.

The cold coffee in my hand was half empty.

It had no effect.

It tasted... just like plain water.

I bit the plastic straw.

Took a slow sip.

_

A cigarette in my left hand.

I took a drag.

The smoke went in.

Came out.

Tasteless.

_

The sidewalks were starting to get crowded.

People passing by.

Motorcycles.

Cars.

The sounds of morning were coming to life.

The air shifted.

From cold...

to warm.

Birds began to chirp.

Faintly.

_

In the distance.

My head felt a little heavy.

My vision wavered.

Clear one second.

Blurry the next.

Microsleep.

_

I knew the feeling.

A few seconds lost.

Then back.

Over and over.

And in between it all—

_

"...Papa..."

I stopped.

Looked around.

Right.

Left.

Behind me.

No one was there.

I gave a faint smile.

"...Haha..."

Smack.

My hand slapped my left cheek.

Smack.

The right.

It stung a little.

Good.

I was still conscious.

"I shouldn’t be hallucinating..."

_

The pedestrian light turned green.

I started walking again.

_

The apartment stairs.

A narrow hallway.

Dull walls.

My footsteps echoed faintly.

I reached the door.

I stopped.

Stared at the number.

208.

I blinked.

203.

208.

203.

My hand reached out to touch the numbers.

Feeling them.

Cold.

Real.

"...203."

I let out a sigh.

Took out my keys.

Click.

_

The door opened.

Pitter-patter.

The sound of small footsteps.

Fast.

Running.

I took off my shoes.

"Papa... welcome home."

I lifted my head slightly.

Stood up straight again.

Looked ahead.

Yuna.

_

Already in her school uniform.

Neat.

She was still wearing an apron.

A spatula in her hand.

Like... a little housewife.

_

"Wh... wh..."

She stopped.

Her mouth opened slightly.

Hesitant.

Holding back her words.

_

I walked inside.

"Papa, do you want to eat first?"

"Or take a bath? I can get it ready..."

I chuckled.

Softly.

"Haha... who do you think you are?"

"My mom?"

"I don’t want either right now."

"Papa!"

_

An angry tone.

But her face...

was bright.

Radiant.

I dropped my bag just like that.

_

Saw the laid-out futon.

"...Finally."

My knees gave out.

Thump.

They hit the floor.

And then—

Thud.

My body collapsed onto the futon.

"Papa! That’s my futon!"

_

Her voice was quick.

Protesting.

"Your futon is over there..."

"...it’s still folded..."

I took a deep breath.

My face buried in the futon.

Warm.

Soft.

"Your futon... my futon..."

"My futon... your futon..."

"...it’s all the same..."

_

A burning smell.

Yuna froze.

Her eyes went wide.

"...Ah!"

She ran to the kitchen.

Lifted the frying pan.

Quickly scooped up the egg.

Moved it to a plate.

Cut it in half.

_

Unevenly.

One piece was bigger.

She stared at it for a moment.

Then slid the bigger one over.

"...This one is for Papa."

The smaller one.

"...This is me."

A faint smile appeared on her face.

She brought the plate over.

Rice.

Soy sauce.

Placed them on the table.

Then she approached the futon.

Sat down beside me.

Shook my shoulder slightly.

_

"Papa..."

"...wake up..."

I didn’t respond.

She shook me harder. 𝐟𝐫𝕖𝗲𝘄𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝕧𝐞𝚕.𝕔𝕠𝐦

"Papa... wake up..."

Still nothing.

_

She leaned close to my ear.

Very close.

"Papa..."

"Wake up..."

My hand moved instantly.

Covering my ear.

Rubbing it.

"Yuna, stop."

"It tickles..."

"I’ll eat... I’ll eat later..."

"Fine..."

She stood up.

Went back to the table.

Began eating by herself.

_

The wall clock.

She looked at it.

Her eyes widened a fraction.

Her movements sped up.

Bite.

Swallow.

Another bite.

Done.

_

She stood up.

Cleared the table quickly.

Grabbed her bag.

Returned to my side.

"Papa?"

"Are you asleep?"

"...Hm..."

Not completely.

"What is it..."

"Allowance?"

My hand moved.

Slowly.

Heavily.

Reaching for my pocket.

It didn’t make it.

It dropped.

_

"...Take it yourself..."

Yuna stayed quiet for a moment.

Looking at my hand.

The veins were clearly visible.

Tense.

She gently lifted my hand.

Inspected it.

Then let it go.

Thump.

"Papa has run out of mana..."

_

She reached into my pocket.

Took out my wallet.

Opened it.

Took a few coins.

Not many.

Put the wallet back.

_

"I’m taking this, okay...?"

"Hm."

She stood up.

Put on her backpack.

Stared at me for a moment.

Silent.

Then—

She lifted my hand.

Pressed her forehead against the back of it.

Just for a second.

She let it go.

_

Walked to the door.

Creak...

The door opened.

She stepped out.

Click.

The door closed.

_

_

- Aimless -

I couldn’t sleep.

Even though my body had already given up.

Weak.

Heavy.

Like it was being dragged down.

_

I stayed on the futon.

Facedown.

My face buried in it.

Breathing was stifled.

A little suffocating.

But I didn’t move.

I didn’t want to see anything.

Didn’t want to see the light.

...

Actually...

What was I doing...

Why was I working this hard...

Why didn’t I just stop...

_

Even though—

I had savings.

Enough to live on for a few years.

Nothing luxurious.

But enough.

_

For what...

...

To live.

Living required money.

Money came from working.

Simple.

Too simple.

...

Dreams.

People always say that.

To achieve a dream—

It takes time.

Energy.

Money.

And luck.

_

What was my dream...

I stayed silent.

Trying to find it.

Nothing immediately came to mind.

_

A stable life.

Financial security.

Health.

Those weren’t dreams.

That was... the bare minimum.

_

A woman.

I let out a small sigh.

Intimate needs...

But that wasn’t it either.

_

Making games.

Writing a story.

Making a movie.

Drawing.

Traveling.

Robots.

A house.

A car.

All of that flashed through my mind.

One by one.

No...

Those weren’t dreams.

They were just...

_

Curiosity.

A desire to try.

A desire to possess.

_

If I attained all of that—

then what?

Silence.

Nothing followed.

It was meaningless...

Except...

_

Just to pass the time.

To fill a life.

So it wouldn’t be empty.

_

Why were people willing to do anything.

For the sake of something.

For a feeling.

For an achievement.

Even though...

The price was high.

Too high.

_

What did I want...

Wealth?

Not really.

Popularity?

Didn’t care.

Control?

I stayed silent a little longer.

I wanted...

I stopped.

Searching for the right word.

Freedom.

_

But...

That was impossible.

No one is truly free.

I took a deep breath.

Still buried in the futon.

The air felt warm.

Stuffy.

_

Love...

The word appeared out of nowhere.

I frowned slightly.

I wanted to feel it...

People say—

Love can change a person.

Give them a reason.

Give them direction.

_

Maybe...

If I had that...

I wouldn’t feel so empty like this.

I could feel truly alive.

_

Work.

Eat.

Sleep.

Work.

Eat.

Sleep.

_

On repeat.

Without end.

_

Light began to seep in.

From the gap in the window.

Thin.

Warm.

Touching my back.

Creeping up slowly.

To my neck.

To my face.

Warm.

Different from the cold of last night.

_

It felt...

Like something soothing.

Without reason.

My consciousness began to blur.

Slowly.

_

And finally—

It faded away.

...

.....

...

Click.

Creak...

The sound of the door opening.

My consciousness returned instantly.

My eyes snapped open.

Like something being forcefully dragged out of the dark.

My body moved on its own.

A sudden urge.

I got up.

Both hands pressing against the futon.

Knees bracing.

One final push.

I stood up.

My head spun slightly.

My vision hadn’t stabilized.

But I kept walking anyway.

Straight to the door.

To check immediately.

_

There.

Yuna.

Taking off her shoes.

Her movements were slow.

Neat, as always.

The shoes arranged side by side.

The toes pointing outward.

Her hand brushed a little dust off the shelf.

Then she turned.

Saw me.

"I’m home..."

A brief pause.

"What is it, Papa?"

_

"...It’s nothing."

It was just Yuna.

My shoulders dropped a fraction.

The tension that had just spiked... vanished just like that.

I turned around.

My footsteps felt heavy again.

Back to the futon.

I let myself fall.

Thud.

_

Yuna came in.

Closed the door.

Click.

She walked inside.

Small steps.

Stopped.

Looked toward the table.

_

There.

A plate.

With the egg on it.

Still whole.

Untouched.

The oil had started to congeal around the edges.

"Why didn’t you eat, Papa?"

_

I rolled over.

Stared at the ceiling.

Blankly.

"I didn’t feel like it yet."

Grumble...

A quiet sound.

From my stomach.

"What was that?"

"That was my stomach asking."

"That’s the same thing."

_

Yuna set her bag down.

The straps dropped softly.

Then she walked to the bathroom.

To change clothes.

I sat up.

Slowly.

Like there was a weight on my shoulders.

My hand reached into my pocket.

Took out my pack of cigarettes.

I opened it.

_

Empty.

I stared at it for a few seconds.

Yuna came out.

Her clothes already changed.

Her footsteps light.

"Yuna."

"Yes?"

"Please get Papa a cigarette."

...Hm.

Why did I say that.

Papa.

_

Yuna walked to the drawer.

Pulled it.

Creak...

It opened.

_

Inside.

A carton of cigarettes.

A few lighters.

Band-aids.

Pens.

Her hand reached in.

Almost grabbing one.

She stopped.

Her eyes looked inside.

Then... slowly...

Her hand retreated.

She pushed the drawer back.

Closed it.

"Papa has to eat first."

_

Hearing that.

I stood up.

Walked toward her.

Then stopped in front of her.

She stood there.

Blocking the drawer.

A small body.

But she refused to budge.

_

"Move."

"Papa has to eat first."

I looked into her eyes.

She stared back.

No hesitation.

Unwavering.

_

...What a pain.

I turned around.

Returned to the table.

Sat down.

My hand moved.

Reaching for the plate.

Another hand appeared first.

From the side.

Offering a spoon.

_

I turned my head.

Looked at the spoon.

Then at her face.

Without a word.

I took it.

Started eating.

_

The egg was cold.

The texture had changed.

A bit hard around the edges.

_

Yuna walked to the kitchen.

"Papa."

"Hm?"

"I’m going to make something to eat... do you want me to make you coffee too?"

"Up to you."

She took an apron.

Put it on.

Tied the strings behind her back.

Grabbed the small step stool.

Pulled it over.

Climbed up.

_

The stool wobbled a little.

The legs were uneven.

Her hand reached for the frying pan.

Clang—!

Clatter—!!

Crash—

A pan.

A pot.

Fell to the floor.

The sound of metal crashing against the tiles.

_

I turned to look.

The floor was a mess.

Yuna stepped down slowly.

Her feet touched the floor carefully.

Her eyes darted toward me.

Just a fraction.

I went back to eating.

No comment.

_

Yuna turned back around.

Took some water.

Poured it into the pot.

Turned on the stove.

A small flame flared to life.

She grabbed a coffee sachet.

Looked at it.

"Papa, there’s only one coffee left."

"I’ll buy more later."

She poured the coffee into a mug.

Set it on a saucer.

_

The water started to hiss.

Boiling.

Yuna poured it.

Slowly.

Steam rose.

The spoon spun.

Stirring.

She stepped down from the stool.

Lifted the mug.

With both hands.

Carefully.

Walked toward me.

Slowly.

I finished eating.

_

Thud.

Yuna tripped on the carpet.

Her body pitched forward.

The mug slipped from her hands.

Crash!!

It shattered.

The coffee spilled.

Spread across the floor.

"Aaaaa!!!"

She burst into tears.

_

I stood up.

Fast.

Looked at the floor.

Shattered glass.

Looked at Yuna.

Her shirt was wet.

Brown.

I stepped forward.

Scooped her up.

Straight to the bathroom.

_

Splash!!

I doused her with water.

Splash!!

Splash!!

Her hair was soaked.

Her shirt clung to her.

She was still crying.

But it was starting to break into hiccups.

"Hic... hic... hic..."

_

I grabbed her shirt.

Pulled the tee over her head.

She didn’t resist.

Splash!!

I checked her skin.

Up close.

_

Not red.

No blisters.

"Stop crying."

"...hic... hic..."

"Does anything hurt?"

Yuna shook her head.

Slowly.

"Then take a bath."

"Soak in the tub if you have to."

Splash!!

One more time.

_

I stood up.

Walked out.

The sound of splashing water echoed behind me.

Yuna wasn’t crying anymore.

Water trickled out of the bathroom.

Trailing along the floor.

_

There was another color in it.

Red.

Faint.

I sat down on the futon.

Grabbed a cigarette.

Lit it.

A small flame.

Inhaled.

Exhaled.

_

Then I looked at the sole of my foot.

There was a small gash.

Blood was slowly seeping out.

_

I pressed on it.

Fresh blood welled up.

I grabbed a band-aid.

Covered it up.