District 42-Chapter 331: True feelings

Casper didn’t want to tell to her what happened afterward.

After all, if he did so, he would need to tell about how he ended up appearing on that world suddenly. His definitive retirement happened on that same day when he was walking on the streets and going home after a "busy" year at the Yanke Forces.

He didn’t like to think about that. Many things could hurt him. He was just a guy, after all. Casper wasn’t made of iron. However, what hurt him the most was his past; it felt just like a deep wound that never would be healed by anyone.

’Maybe I could heal it if I wanted to, but I think I want these wounds here to remember me of the consequences of taking responsibilities that are beyond my power.’ He thought although it was an ironic thing. After all, his power was not worth an entire district.

At that point, Vick didn’t take her eyes off him. She was really interested in what he had to say. She probably was so interested because she was trying to forget about the issue on her legs, her Castle, her folk... Casper could see this will in her eyes.

The Princess was way too hurt, more than she could bear alone. At that moment, she needed someone. Luckily, she had Casper there. But it could be anyone, whatsoever.

That was how Casper saw the situation, at least.

"Now, I kind of understand why you take things so seriously, why you are so suspicious about anyone and anything, and why you want to take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you." She made invisible circles in his chest with her free hand while the other held Casper’s hand tightly.

"I don’t think you need to do it, though. None of your present actions will make up for everything that happened to you before."

What she said was true. Casper considered it several times as well.

"Yes. But when you are a broken man, you just want a restart. You want to reset everything and start a new life, do new things, and make better than before. Maybe, just maybe, your future will be different if you do this. That’s what I have been thinking, at least."

Vick got impressed by how many things went through Casper’s mind during that time. He seemed to always think about problems to solve, mysteries, theories, tactics... But she never thought that he also wondered about those types of things.

"That Ana. You love her, don’t you?"

Casper denied.

"No, I don’t love her. I loved. Not anymore."

"Don’t seem to be the case. Your eyes get different when you talk about her."

The soldier turned to her slowly. Their eyes locked for a while.

"I don’t know how I can love someone who died because of me, Vick. I don’t know how to affirm such a thing as love when I can’t think about this person without feeling disgusted with myself. That’s not love, it’s regret. Regret is the only feeling that is left."

He had a grim expression while closing his eyes painfully. He didn’t want to express those things that he kept inside his heart, but Vick gave him the will to do so. It was painful to tell her all those things, but it also made him feel lighter.

"Hey, if you don’t love her anymore, then why are you sticking to me so badly?"

"I didn’t stick onto you because you are just like her. I did it for many other reasons."

Vick gave a curious look at him.

"What kind of reasons?"

Casper stuttered. He was really bad at dealing with his inner feelings. Usually, he would be a very charming person but would have a hard time when talking about that.

"Y-You are Vick and she was Ana. You two are different in many ways. There are things makes you unique. I sympathized with you and I like you, that’s all."

"It doesn’t make sense. I don’t think you answered me straightly." She kept pushing forward, trying to make him say something more assertive.

Nonetheless, Casper maintained his mouth shut.

"You know, Casper..." She muttered in his ear, feeling a bit shy. "I don’t think that injecting a drug on yourself and fight a whole bunch of Frelsis at once is something that you would do just because you like me. Discover the harm that it can cause on you and just accept it as if it was the right thing to do isn’t something you would do just because you sympathized with me. You gave your body and fury to defend me without anyone asking you to. Why?"

Casper felt his body shivering as she talked to him so closely like that.

"I couldn’t save you at all... I am not a hero. I sacrificed it all because I want to see you safe. But just like Ana, I couldn’t do anything for you, and now..." He glanced at her legs.

Vick suddenly let go of his hand, just to wrap Casper’s body with her arms afterward. She teared up, talking in a choked voice.

"Shhh! Don’t talk any further."

They stayed in silence for some seconds, then she got a bit distant from him, looking closely into his eyes, nearly touching her forehead on his.

"Who are you to say if you saved me or not? I am the one who decides it! Can’t you see that I am still alive? Don’t you feel my heart beating now against your chest? I am still here. A bit broken, but here."

Casper also teared up, wrapping his arms around her.

"You saved me, White warrior. And for that, I will give my all to you. I will give my life to you, even my soul. So, don’t blame yourself so much. Don’t go so hard on yourself. Be sure that you are also a symbol for this district. Be sure that you are my hero." She kissed him tenderly on his forehead.

Casper smiled, never taking his eyes off hers.

"I take back what I said. You are just like Ana."

"Is it bad?"

"Not at all. You are still you, and you are still here with me."

Feeling a different warmth in their hearts, they naturally came closer to each other. Their consciousness got distant for a single second.

When they woke up from that sweet but blank state, they were kissing.