Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book-Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Translator: wuttisyun

After the burning pain in my neck subsided, I fainted. When I opened my eyes again, I was in my room. As if I had pressed an ‘Undo’ button, my life had ironically returned to the previous day. The maids, who must have wondered why I could not stop coughing this morning, waited until I finished before knocking on the door.

My current feelings were complicated and strange. I was also getting chills down my entire body.

I had thrown my body at the logic I had at that moment but I had no idea my gamble would have actually succeeded. When I closed my eyes, I could vividly remember Amor’s gaze on me before I died. His hands that were grabbing onto me felt like a blunt saw rubbing against me. It was terrifying.

I clasped my shoulders tightly. As if the pain I felt now could make what I was presently experiencing a reality.

After opening the drawer, I changed my clothes and took the brush that I had placed on the chair. With the diary and the seeds that Amor gave me earlier in the day, I ran out of the room.

“I was right. I came back.”

Different thoughts swarmed in my head on my way to Amor’s Palace. The diary stated that it was a maid that poisoned Amor.

‘The Crown Prince is a bastard who would never push responsibility to someone else.’

The Crown Prince and the Emperor made up the official set of jerks. But if they were not the ones who were trying to kill Amor, then who was?

The neighbouring countries feared the powers of our Imperial Family and would never try to invade us. Furthermore, we were talking about the assassination of a prince. It was better to assume that there was another force at work rather than a single maid’s vested interests.

When I stepped on some grass, the crumpling sound that resembled crushing paper resonated. My steps were fast and urgent.

“Brother!”

I had finally arrived at the rear entrance of Amor’s Palace. Just like the previous time, I called out his name. I wondered what Amor thought of me as he saw me waiting on the grass.

“You… Cough cough. Why are you here?”

Left foot, right foot. As soon as I was right in front of him, I grabbed the teacup that was still in his dry and pale hands.

Pant, pant.

I could feel his bones through his skin. It felt warm.

“D-don’t drink this.”

I had read <The Light of Rusbella> meticulously. Of course, I did not know the whole story word for word. But I knew that a casual reader could never know the story as well as I did. After recognising that I was in the world of a novel, I had already planned out how I was going to survive. As if they were episode reruns, all the information I needed was kept in my head and repeated over and over again.

I memorised when the war would begin and when and why the main characters would come.

Granted, I wrote my information down and took into account the arrival of the main characters in my plan.

So I at least knew who was going to die when and the exact year the Empire would lose the war and fall into ruin. But what was the point of knowing all that, if I was going to die now!

The war was not what mattered. What mattered was saving myself before the Empire collapsed. As soon as I returned to the previous day after saving Amor, in my notes, I underlined the word ‘War’ before writing Castor’s and my names.

The sub main character, Castor, was the one who fell for Rusbella the hardest. Almost all the men who appeared in <The Light of Rusbella> fell for her. It did not matter if they already had a lover or a wife, they all fell for her. It was truly like magic. Everyone loved the girl. And so did Amor.

Back when I was hellbent on escaping the Palace, I had tried my best to avoid Castor until I became an adult. But the situation had since changed. Now that I knew that I was going to die in his hands, I needed the power to deal with him.

But where was the power going to come from? I had decided it will come from Amor.

‘That’s why he can’t die.’

He was the best option I had.

“Brother.”

My head was throbbing at the thought that I might die again. I also still had no clue whether or not what I was doing was right.

But I could not think of any other way I could live because I was feeling impatient, desperate and frustrated. I was not born a tactician so I did not know of any other way. Even if the country fell into ruin five years from now, I wanted to live now. I wanted to live for one more day. So, even if Amor was going to suffer now, I was going to live.

My life might not be ruined as long as I had one person by my side who could prevent my death.

I had no other choice. Anything else was impossible.

If only I reincarnated as Rusbella, I would have been able to live a great life in both countries. I could have unified the continent. But I reincarnated as an extra. I was not even reincarnated as a general or a knight. I was reincarnated as a woman who could only go to the same places everyday.

Life had always been about rescuing yourself. I had to find my own way to survive here.

“I-I’ll drink this tea instead. Would that prove it to you?”

Just like the novel that ended by war, there were many characters that had faded from the story like sunlight after the day. Among them, there was this weak but friendly prince who only knew about love in a story with a high death rate. However, in actuality, he was a boy who was not very nice to extras like me at all. How did this happen? He was a boy only warm to the female lead and his brothers.

But I was sure he was at least a little sweet. Right?

“You. Have you gone mad?”

His hands were rough and clumsy but he still managed to stop my hands from bringing the teacup to my mouth.

“What the hell are you doing!”

The intensity of his voice was nice. I did not need to put in too much effort to bring out my emotions.

“Please. Save me.”

Would you finally be friendly someday? But when will that be? When Rusbella showed up? My skirt that I was holding onto so tightly crumpled and looked unappealing.

“I’m… begging you.”

I felt like Alice when she arrived in Wonderland. No matter where I looked–left, right, to the past, present or future, everything felt abysmal. (1) I wanted to escape being an extra in the story but instead I got stuck in this time loop.

“I won’t believe everything you say. But I’ll still listen.”

After almost giving everything up, the last card I picked was a joker. Then, realisation dawned on me that this was the trump card that I could use to turn the tide.

‘I’m going to live.’

And now, I was going to live, holding his hand. He, unlike how he was described in the novel, was not at all friendly nor kind.

“I don’t want my brother to die.”

Let’s move to the future together.

“Don’t die here.”

You and I were going to live.

Clang.

The delicately crafted teacup dropped from my hands and shattered upon impact with the ground.

“When you die, there’ll be nothing left.”

I was not sure yet. I had no idea what I needed to do to survive in this world where even if I die and revive, I could barely see a step ahead. It also did not help that even if I die, I had no name I could call.

“Do you think this would all be over just because you die?”

“Stop. What the hell are you on about!”

Showing an irritated expression on his beautiful face, Amor frowned without reservation.

‘Who the hell are you? What are you? Do you know me?’ were a few of the many questions he asked. He reminded me of my younger cousin. “Who are you to say that about me!” was something my younger cousin also demanded when he stomped his feet at my doorway.

‘This is enough. The tea’s gone anyway.’

There was nothing more I could do now that the tea had spilled. I could not prove that the tea was poison but neither can Amor drink it anymore. I nodded my head calmly. Yes, yes. I know. We lived.

“You seriously… Do you think that’s an accessory for your neck?! You just come and go as you please. It’s already past 1! Even though you’re part of the Imperial Family, you can still be punished. For trespassing!”

Amor said as I looked on with boredom while giving my monotonous and indifferent answers.

“Even now, after all that nonsense you spouted just now… Ha. You get what I’m trying to say, right?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“You’re not even listening!”

He lowered his head with a grimace before sweeping his hair up and raising his head.

“Ha, seriously… I’ve been sick and tired of you since this morning.”

The young boy, who was steeped in loneliness and misery, now had an emotionless face akin to a winter tree.

“Go back. My lips hurt from cursing at you.”

I lowered my head and felt my heart pounding.

I could not help my heart since I was not very good at communicating with others. Now smiling, Amor muttered.

“I will think about a punishment for your nonsense later. If you’re not here to keep me from sleeping, go back.”

“Yes. I’ll return calmly.”

I had now stopped Amor from dying so I should go back and think about any further plans. The questions that Castor was going to ask me before I die was already in the diary so all that remained was to prevent my death ending. I sighed and relaxed my hands.

“It’s a little hot here.”

“I suppose so since you ran here for nothing.”

Amor threw a piece of cloth at my eyes with disapproval. After removing it, I realised it was a soft new piece of cloth.

“… Thank you.”

My whole body was covered with sweat.

‘If I go back now, I won’t be able to wash up till morning.’

While leaving the room with my diary, I suddenly wondered why I had been so desperate.

I must have liked Amor more than I thought. Though I was not sure if Amor felt the same, I was sure he was becoming more compassionate.

Would the day when his roughness dulls and his pretty face looks gentler come? I wanted to see the softened Amor soaked in love just like this cozy piece of cloth.

My gaze lowered.

‘Let’s try to live first.’

I really wanted to live peacefully in this second life I received. Because the life I lived in my previous life was far from comfortable. A peaceful world where I could eat and sleep well together with the person I loved.

However, it seemed like this fantasy world is void of such a fantasy.

I survived the passing storm.

‘Will it be alright?’

I spent the night saving Amor. There was no way saving Amor would lead me to the worst possible ending right? Please.

Tomorrow was the last day.

What about my life? Would I be able to overcome it? I really hoped so. Even if it was insignificant, frustrating and painful, I wanted to see the hope in living this life so desperately.

I had to. He had to.

We had to survive.

“Ashley Rosé.”

Just before I actually left, Amor called out my name. He confused me by looking at me sadly with his drooping green eyes.

“I…”

It seemed as if he had yet to calm down from the situation before and his emotions had instead become more and more tangled.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Amor muttered and I smiled awkwardly. I hope this smile was able to reach him just like it did before I died the first time.

“Good night.”

And I hope you would like me more even if it was only by a little bit.

T/N:

(1): In Korean, low/small can also mean abysmal. So it’s a pun hehe.