Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 25.3

The tense feeling finally eased. And I had to admit it.

“…”

I closed my eyes as if giving up and let the pen go. With one hand freed, I let it slide under the desk, pressing the mixture of guilt and shame into my pajamas. Then, while lying down, I lightly touched my inflated genitals.

With that small stimulation, my penis stood up, as if the flower had been watered and was happily stretching its stem. The red heat from my genitals and the flesh near my flat genital area could be seen through the gap in my pajamas.

I hadn’t started masturbating until after I turned twenty.

As Go Yohan’s damn words had said, my penis, like a white tower standing on a barren mountain, had changed before and after twenty. No one had ever commented on my genitals, so I just assumed it was of an appropriate size and shape.

‘It’s so white. You.’

Suddenly, heat flooded under my eyes, and I slammed my head into the desk. I looked down at my penis, which had risen steadily under the desk, approaching my navel. If it hadn’t been caught in my clothes, it would have been dripping water, ready to slap my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped my penis with one hand, shaking it up and down.

“Ah…”

Eyes closed, my face resting on the desk, a careful moan escaped. I didn’t want to admit that I was doing this, but by closing my eyes, I became even more sensitive, which turned out to be a mistake. Imagination always inflates things more than expectations.

If it wasn’t me touching myself but Go Yohan’s hand-.

The image of three fingers awkwardly comforting me unfolded. Long fingers with joints sticking out. Nails neatly trimmed. Veins clearly raised on the back of the hand. As I imagined Go Yohan’s hand touching me, slimy liquid started to leak out.

“Ugh.”

Still far from climax, I felt my body trembling as I squeezed my thighs together. I pulled my hand out of my pants and looked at my slick hand.

“…”

In the end, I had to experience defeat again.

“I’ve finally lost my mind.”

I want to escape from reality. I hope this thought was just a product of fatigue, and I wish I could fall asleep and escape from the unbelievable worry. Please, really, please.

****

At twenty, I felt like I was a duck in a river flowing into the sea. If life at eighteen had been set to a certain standard, twenty was like being thrown into an open savanna by society and being forced to live freely. “You’re an adult now, live as you wish.” But no one told me how adults are supposed to live. It just felt like a strange extension of being nineteen.

A time of indulgence and release. A season with no adults to control loneliness or pain. A strange universe where the only thing that had changed was adding another year to the age. My college life was not as joyful as it should have been.

Kang Jun, twenty. I still didn’t fit in with my department, and I had no friends. I had introduced myself to quite a few people, but that was it. Unlike high school, where you see the same classmates every day, college was all about making your own connections, or else you’d risk losing them. Especially if you, like me, didn’t go to department events, orientation, or MTs.

“It’s unfair.”

I stared at Go Yohan from the terrace in front of the library. With my arms crossed, I watched as Go Yohan did the same, crossing his arms in return.

“Pathetic, Jun.”

“How is it that you’re the only one building connections?”

“Connections? Well, I’m just a lowlife.”

“A lowlife? Are you kidding?”

In response to my not-really-a-question, Go Yohan took the lollipop out of his mouth. It was ridiculous that he placed his feet on a chair where everyone else sat, but he didn’t care about others and casually placed his elbows on his knees, just chuckling. Go Yohan was mocking me like that.

Compared to me, Go Yohan blended into the crowd right away. It was because of the difference in departments. The economics department had 160 first-year students, split into four classes. They were neatly labeled A, B, C, and D. Each class had a class president. The sense of unity in the department was stronger than others, so Go Yohan was part of that “rah-rah” crowd. Lucky bastard.

I made a fist, pretending to hit him out of irritation. Go Yohan, even more annoyingly, dodged my fist with ease. Damn him. Really.

“What kind of high school is that? What kind of university still has class presidents?”

“Don’t be jealous. Guess what class I’m in? Class C. Class C. Doesn’t that sound bad?”

“Good for you. Fitting in.”

“Doesn’t really matter what you think, though.”

I turned my head, avoiding his long fingers that were scratching my cheek. He still persistently followed me.

“You should leave.”

“Oh, why-eh.”

My petty jealousy was starting to flare up again. It’s not like it wasn’t deserved, right?

When I was holed up in the library, gathering topics for my report, no one approached me. But during the short breaks between lectures, Go Yohan had seven people say hi to him. Just in ten minutes. I had been glued to my laptop for three hours here!

Without knowing how I felt, Go Yohan grabbed my arm and shook it. My body swayed with it.

“Jun, my lecture’s about to start.”

“Yeah, got it.”

“Wanna ditch?”

“…Go Yohan, you’ve really gone bad since coming to university. Smoking and all.”

“Wanna ditch?”

Swallowing my words, Go Yohan asked seriously again. Why was he asking me that?

I was looking at Go Yohan and, without realizing it, my eyes caught the large hand resting on the old table, supporting his elbow and chin. I even noticed his shoes, which had become dirty from the long rainy season. He must've run to get here. If that’s the case, then there’s no point in me sitting near Go Yohan’s classroom to write my report. I shook my head again.

“Don’t glare.”

“Why?”

“Go to class…”

Should I say it? I fiddled with the space bar with my finger, then, in a moment of frustration, I opened my mouth.

“…You could just text me.”

“What? Text?”

I couldn’t close my mouth, which had opened in frustration. My minimal defense was to cover my mouth with my hand, bend over, and make the smallest sound I could muster.

“You can attend class, and it’s a reasonable choice.”

The truth was, I didn’t want to part ways with Go Yohan. I believed he felt the same way. Maybe. Maybe...

Honestly. Honestly, I’ve imagined parting from Go Yohan. To be completely honest, just imagining it made me feel depressed for a few days and lose my appetite. But Go Yohan, with his fingers tapping his lips, mocked my big picture. How dare he.

“Shut up.”

“......”

Why do I like him? Sometimes, I feel this sense of doubt. Still, I hardened my expression as if I didn’t care.

“If you don’t care about your grades, you’ll regret it later.”

“Regret? Don’t be ridiculous. Neither of us is going to get a job anyway.”

“I’m different. I’m going to grad school. I need to take care of my grades.”

“Grad school?”

Go Yohan’s hand, which had been tapping his lips, stopped. Then, as if genuinely curious, he asked.

“Why?”

“......”

Why? Because it’s my future plan. I haven’t given up on the path to success yet. In response to my silent demeanor, Go Yohan put on a serious face, then suddenly, at the most unexpected moment, he jumped up from his seat.

“I’m going to class.”

“Wha—what? All of a sudden?”

Then, without reacting to my surprise, he hurriedly rushed out of the library. Without even saying goodbye. I almost called out to Go Yohan loudly but then noticed the atmosphere around me and shut my mouth. Flustered, I pulled out my phone and typed a message.

"Wait until class ends_"

As I was thinking about what to write next, a reply came.

"ㄱ"

“Memory?”

It was a strange, incomprehensible reply. Then, after a short pause, another message came.

“Don’t sit with him.”

“......”

I sat back down and grabbed my aching head. My college life wasn’t as pleasant as it seemed. The pleasant moments came like a gift after enduring life, while the unpleasant ones came almost every day like a trial. And the one who brought those trials was Go Yohan. I don’t understand why he’s the one who believes in religion, yet I’m the one who has to bear all the trials.

****

“Sorry, but don’t sit next to me.”

“Huh? Me?”

Kang Suhyeon hit her chest in confusion. I pretended not to notice and moved my mouse as I spoke.

“Your friend told you to.”

“My friend? Do I have a friend who would say something so unfriendly?”

As she fumbled with her chest, Kang Suhyeon pondered the quality of her social connections. However, in the end, she ignored my words and sat down next to me anyway. She even nonchalantly pulled out a laptop as big as a house and placed it in front of me.

Is this what they call a dilemma? If I go back, I’m on a leave of absence, and if I go forward, it's an F. I should never have taken the lecture called "Gender and Marriage." It was supposed to be a breeze, but it seems I was fooled by the rumors.

“Look, I’ve already made a PPT.”

As soon as she opened her laptop, the keyboard lit up with colorful lights. Kang Suhyeon, who had squeezed herself between me and the laptop, clumsily clicked on a presentation file from a messy desktop.

“My laptop performs better than most desktops. I can put in all sorts of animations.”

“Oh, right…”

Do we really need to add those? I reluctantly glanced at the back of Kang Suhyeon’s head and then shifted my gaze to the laptop. And I was horrified.

The source of this c𝐨ntent is freёnovelkiss.com.

What’s with this font?

“Wait a minute.”

“Why? You want to look at it that closely?”

Ignoring Kang Suhyeon’s nonsense, I scrolled up to check. Crazy, Yangjaewadang-style? I’ve never heard of such a ridiculous font.

“Is it okay?”

“No, I mean. Why did you use this font?”

“They say design is important in presentations these days.”

Yangjaewadang-style being called an important design feels like a distant future. Maybe out of stubbornness.

“Let’s change the font.”

“Change it? Just like that? Why? You don’t like it? Why? This is why I can’t deal with liberal arts.”

“Why are you bringing up liberal arts all of a sudden?”

“See! You don’t understand the problem.”

Kang Suhyeon disgustingly shut her eyes. I pretended not to hear her and chose the best of the basic fonts to replace it. But there was a bigger problem. The content that came into view after changing the font was utter trash.

What’s the sexiest thing a woman can hear during sex?

3rd place: Can I drink your XXX?

2nd place: Oppa, your XX tastes good.

1st place: Your XX is so tasty.

※Survey of 18 women

Is this a buffet?

I was afraid to turn the page and just kept my hand on the keyboard. It seems Kang Suhyeon misunderstood that. She looked at me with eyes full of arrogance.

“Doesn’t it feel like American teen sensibilities? Romantic relationships, you know. I hear that’s what young girls are into these days. They have this imperialist mindset, different from the old days. Don’t ask how I know. I’m not the only candidate to complete your assignment. Unfortunately for you, Kang Suhyeon here has a social network as vast as the plains. Compared to my friends, you have such a forgettable face.”

“If there’s such a person, why didn’t you start with that friend? Why pick plain old me?”

“I don’t really want to tell you.”

Kang Suhyeon’s eyelids fluttered. Similarly, her legs trembled noisily. Each time her knees bumped the desk, the laptop on it rattled too. I silently frowned and then unfolded my face. It’s incredibly noisy. Annoyingly so.

“Hey, could you stop shaking your leg…”

“Jun’s friend.”

Her calloused fingers clamped over my lips. Yuck. The touch on my lips brought on an intense disgust. I nearly gagged. I felt like vomiting right then. I was even about to curse outright, but I stopped when I saw Kang Suhyeon’s eyeballs unnervingly rolled to one side.

Just ignore it. Avoid eye contact. That’s what I was thinking when Kang Suhyeon’s elbow nudged my arm.

“Hey, that girl keeps looking at me. She’s watching me.”

“Who’s looking at you?”

“Don’t look! Don’t even look with the whites of your eyes.”

It seems like you’re the one whose eyes are rolling back. Plus, it’s so obvious. Even the student looking over here must have noticed. I gave up on involving myself in Kang Suhyeon’s antics and bravely moved to the next screen. Then I tightly closed my eyes.

What’s the most desired phrase a woman wants to hear during sex?

3rd place: Do you like it?

2nd place: Don’t hold back, let your moans flow. I’m letting you go.

1st place: (Calling out the name) XX… XX…!

※Survey of 18 women

Let’s stop looking.

Surely if Kang Suhyeon’s topic ends the assignment, it would be a disaster. What would the other students in the class think? They’d like it, right? Here come the grade killers.

I rummaged through my bag and plugged a USB with alternative topics into Kang Suhyeon’s laptop.

Thankfully, I anticipated such a situation.

Honestly, I don’t think my topic is great either. I’m used to solving given problems, not coming up with creative assignments. But at least it’s better than Kang Suhyeon’s. I can at least guarantee it’s recyclable trash, not total garbage.

“I’ve thought of another topic, have you perhaps…”

“Jun’s friend, here she comes. Look at my face, is there something on it?”

“Ugh!”

Kang Suhyeon pushed my shoulder forcefully, and the mouse cursor slid out to the desktop. Damn it. I cursed quietly while lying down, not even bothering to get up.

Kang Suhyeon looked at me with her mouth wide open. The detailed structure of her teeth was clearly visible to my eyes.

“Ugh…”

I felt nauseous, as if I was about to throw up any second. It was an extremely disgusting sight. And miraculously, Kang Suhyeon’s words turned out to be true. An unfamiliar presence stopped right beside us.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you.”

“Yes, what is it?”

Kang Suhyeon quickly shut her mouth and softened her voice. Pretending.

“It’s for… the person next to you.”

“…”

Finally, Kang Suhyeon shut up. The person next to her, that’s me. I stopped mumbling curses and lifted my head. As my vision cleared, I made eye contact with two people. It was Kang Suhyeon and an unknown student. The student quickly pointed to where I was sitting.

“Um, it’s not me, but my friend asked me to come here.”

“Oh, okay.”

The student hesitated to point somewhere then quickly hid their finger, wrapping it in their palm and awkwardly smiled. They seemed to care about their friend, but from the vibe, it was clear which desk they had come from. And the awkwardly smiling mouth quickly spit out a question.

“Not to bother, but… are you seeing someone, or, do you have plans to meet someone?”

“Ah…”

But what should I say? Sadly, I’m not used to this kind of situation. I went to all-boys schools. Most of my studies were private tutoring. I surreptitiously looked at Kang Suhyeon for help, but she, for some reason sulking, had her lips tightly pursed.