Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 28.2

And even in this moment, my first thought was, If the snow piles up, going home is going to be a pain in the ass.

That kind of realism, even at times like this—I hated myself for ruining the mood and bit my lower lip in regret. People don’t change that easily, I guess.

“If it piles up before we leave, that’d be a real pain in the ass.”

“……”

“What?”

“…Nothing. Just reminded me of something.”

Out of nowhere, I suddenly remembered the time I used to hate Go Yohan.

Annoyingly enough, despite despising him back then, I had already felt like our values were strangely aligned. And now, that very alignment was surfacing again.

“What did it remind you of?”

“When I first met you.”

By my definition, that would’ve been in my second year. So technically, it wasn’t a lie.

But to my offhand remark, Go Yohan gave me a strangely amused smile.

What’s with that look?

Then, as if to make things worse, he slowly ran a finger up his chin in thought.

The most frustrating part?

Everything Go Yohan does somehow looks good.

No, not somehow. A lot.

No—honestly, he just looks good. Period.

It’s so fucking unfair.

“You think of me when the first snow falls? Was it snowing when we met?”

“No. You just left that kind of impression. Like summer monsoon season and the dead of winter at the same time.”

“Huh. I didn’t take you for the sentimental type, Jun.”

His smirk deepened, growing more sly, more teasing.

His narrow eyes, the ridiculously high bridge of his nose—everything about his expression seemed to be making fun of me.

“What, what?”

“…Fuck, what is this.”

Muttering under his breath, just barely audible, Go Yohan checked his phone.

Another call.

It was probably the same person as before.

But then, his face, which had been lightly annoyed just moments ago, slowly drained of expression.

I knew exactly when Go Yohan made that face.

It was when his family called.

The ringtone filled the lobby, loud and intrusive.

Go Yohan simply stared at the screen, making no move to answer.

For someone like me, who had grown up as a pampered flower inside a protective fence, Go Yohan’s lack of attachment to his family was baffling and hard to grasp. But if there was one thing I did understand, it was this:

Go Yohan was the most like his father—and at the same time, the biggest anomaly in his family.

“If that old fucker croaks, I’ll lock him up in a psych ward and starve him to death.”

See? Stuff like that.

The unpleasant electronic noise finally cut off, and Go Yohan scraped his gums with his lips. Then, as if on cue, a message notification pinged.

One of his eyebrows twitched.

Then, in a low murmur, he muttered,

“…What’s with them calling all of a sudden?”

“Just… it happens sometimes.”

I asked the question because, for some reason, I suddenly felt bad for him. But Go Yohan dodged it.

Did he think I wouldn’t press the issue if he answered vaguely?

Too bad—I could always tell when he was making shit up.

His lies were never convincing.

Without making a fuss, I turned my gaze back to the glass window, as if I was letting it go.

That’s why, when Go Yohan reached for his phone again, I moved.

Quickly.

I leaned in and glanced at the screen.

A few seconds were all I needed.

Because I’ve always been a fast reader.

A habit from speed-reading for tests.

“25th. Final warning.”

“…25th?”

“Hey, you—!”

Go Yohan flinched, his arm swinging out on reflex.

Unfortunately, I had been standing directly behind him.

His hand cut through the air and slammed into my chest.

There wasn’t even time to think.

The impact felt like getting struck by a brick—hard, blunt, and right against my upper chest.

I stumbled, choking on a sharp burst of pain, coughing violently.

“…Ah.”

“Shit—hey!”

Panicked, Go Yohan flung his phone onto the floor and grabbed my chest and back at the same time.

Bastard.

He’s the one who hit me, and now he’s acting concerned?

Why the hell is he so fucking strong?

The pain shot up my throat, bile rising.

Tears almost welled up in my eyes, but I barely held them back.

“…I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Are you okay?”

My stomach was still unsettled, but I took a slow, deep breath and lifted my hand slightly—signaling that I was fine.

Bending over, I rested my hands on my knees and inhaled the cold air.

Then, I raised my head.

My gaze always landed in the same place.

The place where my own despair bloomed, bright and inescapable.

Wow.

I really just heard an apology from Go Yohan.

And not as a joke—an actual, sincere apology.

Then why did he look even paler than me?

Why was that prideful bastard half-kneeling, looking up at me like that?

Too shaken to even get angry.

And just like that, I thought to myself, Yeah. I guess I did try to sneak a peek at his phone. No wonder he was startled.

And as always, I forgave him in my head.

I must be some kind of idiot—someone who feeds off self-sacrifice like it’s fertilizer.

Eighteen years old.

The person I used to hate most in the world, Go Yohan—

…Right now, he looked so damn lovable.

Getting hit a little? That was nothing.

Go Yohan being selfish, reckless, a complete asshole?

I could tolerate that much.

Thinking back, I’ve always been this forgiving.

And ironically, the only person who had ever sacrificed anything for me—

Was Go Yohan, my own despair.

I pressed a hand against my chest and spoke.

“…On the 25th.”

“Fuck.”

“Wanna go to an amusement park?”

So of course, I had no choice but to be good to him.

I already knew where this was heading.

This was exactly why I never wanted to date anyone.

“…On Christmas.”

"That's not the problem, are you okay?"

"I told you I'm fine. Why are you making such a fuss? It's just a shock."

Why does Go Yohan's face grow even more disdainful at my excuses? His already gloomy and frosty face cooled further with a look as if he had swallowed a bitter pill. And then, he clenched his fist.

"Go Yohan?"

Then, glancing at his left fist, in the blink of an eye, he swung his fist right into his intact cheek with all his might. It happened so suddenly that there was no time to stop him. Blood seeped from beside his lip.

Stunned, I couldn't find the words, just opened my mouth and reached out with my hand, but Go Yohan, with an unaffected expression, took my hand and placed it on his swollen, reddened cheek.

"Go Yohan!"

This crazy bastard. This gone mad bastard. Chills ran down my spine. Yet, contrary to my circumstances, Go Yohan, now seemingly relieved, said with a refreshing laugh.

"Shall we go somewhere? Sorry, say that again. I didn’t catch it. I heard something about Christmas..."

"Why the cheek...!"

"I'm fine."

If he was going to say that, he should have stood up to speak. Go Yohan was still kneeling, looking up at me. Then he smiled innocently, as if he was seeking praise.

"Why are you making such a fuss? It's just a shock."

Chills ran through me at Go Yohan mimicking my words. Has this bastard really gone mad? Was he keeping this inside all this time? Was he expressing the feelings he felt when I said I was fine, in this way, for me to see?

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. That was how Go Yohan lived. That saying of his flashed through my mind like a panorama.

What should I do with you, really.

I looked at Go Yohan with a dumbfounded expression. What could I possibly give to this bad bastard who harbors this strange love? What I, I could give. Desperately recalling, I remembered a crumpled-up free pass. That was all I could think of to give him.

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****

"Go Yohan r=1−sinθ Kang Jun"

I checked the late night message in the morning and my blood pressure shot up. It was another one of Kang Suhyeon’s antics. Already struggling to get up because of my low blood pressure, the message instantly gave me a headache.

"What is this?"

December 24th. 8:45 AM.

Since the start of the break, all I had been doing was moving back and forth between my family home and the apartment. It was because my parents still hadn't returned.

The reason for the back and forth was somewhat guilt-ridden. Since the middle of the second semester, my parents had occasionally hinted, 'How is the lady doing?' The anxious nuance spreading from those seven words. Moreover, monitoring the whereabouts of an adult twice my age wasn't mentally easy, nor was it something I liked, so I felt averse to it. I would rather not know about a stranger. It was all the more uncomfortable because of Go Yohan. Somehow it felt like he had leverage over me.

The strange tension between my parents, the lady, and myself began slowly as I stayed away from home.

My parents would contact the lady every day asking her to clean the apartment, and it had been subtly refused for about half a year now. Eventually, I persuaded the lady. As always, it was a false persuasion.

"Lady, a friend from school and I decided to live together for a while. It's not for long. That friend couldn't find a dorm room, you see. It might be too much for my friend if you come over often."

The indifferent 'Yes.' was the end of it. I reassured myself and specifically asked for her to visit when no one was there, but the stress built up day by day. Even more so when my parents casually mentioned during the last call that I didn’t need to be at school during the holidays, so I should come home and watch the house. What was that supposed to mean, especially with such an intentional tone?

"Is the lady keeping the house well? Do you go there often?"

"Yes, I check on it regularly."

"There’s a saying that she's using it like her own house. Inviting people over as she pleases."

"There was no such thing..."

"...Jun, you're coming home for the break, right?"

"Home?"

"I just don’t want to stress about it. I don’t want to suspect people. Let’s just make it easy on everyone."

"What about the apartment then? It'll be empty for almost 3 months. Won’t that be troublesome?"

"Is leaving it empty for 3 months a big deal? Leaving home empty is the real issue. Just pay the maintenance fee and leave it be."

Excuses didn’t work. Therefore, I had to pretend as much as I could that I was staying at home for my parents.

The fatigue created from this situation constricted me. Since the break started, my parents would surely ask the lady about my life, supposed to be at the family home. The excuse of 'I've been living with a friend for a while' I had used during the summer break wouldn’t last long. I needed to come up with another excuse before the break stretched further.

"128"

…6606.4818843257?

What the hell is this...

Damn that Kang Suhyeon for making my already complicated feelings even more infuriating. I threw my phone on the bed.

It was clear why Kang Suhyeon sent this message. December 25th. Christmas had come.

It’s ridiculous, but today was the official first date... well, it's hard to say, just a kind of outing between guys... the first day had come. It was a memorably mortifying anniversary. The reason is embarrassing.

"Sigh..."

With a sigh, I slumped to the floor. And with another sigh, a feeble laughter leaked out, certainly not out of joy. Absolutely, absolutely not. I pressed down my lips that had involuntarily risen.

"Act tough when you go outside. Act like it's no big deal."

Even murmuring this to myself seemed like a big deal, though I knew it. I think it’s different when you say something out loud. You acknowledge it, right? I gathered strength in my slumped legs and stood up to open the door.

And then I saw the second thing I wish I hadn’t.

"..."

"You up?"

Why does crossing the hallway right after opening the door have to show the living room bathroom? Had it always been this way? Probably from the beginning. Also, this situation came about because of the sexual relationship that had started between Go Yohan and me. I had turned the wrong tide.

"Hurry up and shower, I have something to show you today."

"Don’t show it, please don’t show it."

I emphatically refused. It was because of Go Yohan’s attire. Where he had found it, I don't know, but walking around wearing my shower robe unbuttoned. It was insanely sexy.

"Please, just tie it up tight in front."

Why doesn’t Go Yohan dress after taking a shower? Because he has a personal room with a bathroom attached in his family home? But I do too. Even though I had a bathroom in my personal room, I never walked around naked. At the very least, I wore underwear.

"Why do you hate seeing mine so much, when it’s not the first time?"

Go Yohan sighed dejectedly, tousling his wet hair. Droplets of water sprayed from his wet hair, and the water he hadn't wiped off streamed down his defined abs. That was fine until the water droplets traveled down his abs and boldly wet his exposed genitals.

What was worse, Go Yohan’s penis had been rising ever since it had encountered mine. But why was Go Yohan just tousling his hair expressionlessly? I really couldn't understand this bastard.

I hastily turned my face the other way and blurted out in a rush.

"You, aren't you embarrassed?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not embarrassed by anything about you, Jun."

"Please. I, I..."

"Don't be like that. You really enjoy it when it's given to you. Clinging on, crying, fighting."

"Hey!"

"Just kidding."

Heat rushed to my face, and I screamed involuntarily. I covered my mouth afterward, but it was already too late. Go Yohan, however, didn't care at all and, with a towel on his head, he casually flicked his genitals with his index and middle fingers, throwing such words at me.

"Wanna use it?"

Unable to bear it anymore, I ran back into my room. Even then, the image of the twisted scar on the inside of Go Yohan's thigh haunted me in my mind. It seemed Go Yohan either thought it was invisible or had momentarily forgotten about his scar.

Does it make sense that the witness cares more about the scar than its owner? Especially if it's the trigger for sexual arousal.

Really, I'm definitely caught by a completely crazy bastard. No, I'm definitely the crazy one.

****

Lately, Go Yohan has been exuberantly happy. I couldn't fathom why. A few days ago, I saw him sitting alone on the couch, suddenly giggling to himself late at night without any lights on. It started happening after I showed him that crumpled ticket. Could he really have wanted to go to the amusement park that badly?

Come to think of it, it's been three years since I got to know Go Yohan, and not once did we go somewhere with a purpose.

If there's an excuse, it's my fault. I lived a bit tightly to recover from the ruined grades of the first semester. Still, the dutiful life that Go Yohan enjoys, I thought he'd feel the same way I did, but I never expected him to be so happy about it.

From the elevator to the common entrance, Go Yohan hopped rhythmically like the fingers pressing piano keys. What do they call it, skipping? He’s not even a kid. And he even flicks his thighs with his fingers. Humming a tune, he walked down the stairs, and I asked him casually.

"Are we starting too late?"

It was already around 2 PM. The late start was a joint creation of mine, who doesn’t like going out much, and Go Yohan, who always takes everything easy. I think again, but the values of my life and Go Yohan's are subtly similar.

"To the amusement park?"

"Yeah. Is it too late?"

"I don't think so."

At my question, Go Yohan stopped his light steps.

"Anytime is good."

I knew it. I wore a smug expression and subtly boasted about the ticket I had pulled out. This, I got it myself. Honestly, I got the ticket almost by fluke.

But now, I decided to put aside such trivial words. I think I did well, right? Isn’t it time to show off? It’s not often I get to boast openly to Go Yohan. Right? I subtly straightened my shoulders and gloated.

"I bought it."

"Really? Oh, good job."

"And I got it cheap."

"Well done. Really impressive."

Go Yohan snickered and flicked my butt. Compliments make Kang Jun dance. However, my smugness quickly deflated when Go Yohan reached into his pocket and pulled out something held between his index and middle finger. It was a small, square piece of plastic held in his unusually large hand.

"What’s that… wait, is that a car key?"

I squinted and looked again. It was indeed. It was still a car key.

That's absurd. Why would Go Yohan have that? Wait, does Go Yohan have a license? Or a car? I knew about the motorcycle… The proudly presented ticket felt pitifully inadequate, and shock came over me like a sudden downpour. I hesitantly took what Go Yohan handed me. My 'maybe' hasn’t changed. Has my 'maybe' ever changed before?

"…What is this?"

The card was just an ordinary credit card. It even had ‘Yohan is allowed to drive’ written on it.

"Let’s have a wild ride with the Lord backing us."

"Are you insane? I don't want to die."

"Ha, kid. So fussy."