Fated To Four Alphas Even Though I Am Mute-Chapter 55: Stubborn Wolf

Damian’s POV

I was pacing back and forth in my study. I couldn’t stop cause if I did, then I would think about what I did to Heaven and I would go crazy.

My chest was hurting, it was the mate bond. It was scratching my insides because I had hurt

the one person I was supposed to protect.

My heart was trembling, I needed to break something to silence the noise my wolf was making in my head.

I walked toward the metal table lamp, reached out and grabbed it, and hit it over and over again until it fell to the ground.

Clang! Clang! Clang!

Then I turned around to face my Beta Felix who stood by the door watching everything unfold.

"Did you see her face, Felix?" I asked.

All I could think of was the way I lifted my hand to strike her and how she fell to the floor.

Felix didn’t say anything. He just kept on looking at me.

"She still had my handprint on her face," I said freaking out.

I was regretting everything. I was regretting every single hurtful thing that I had done to her. And the way I lifted my hand to hit her.

I stared down at the hand that hit her. It was still shaking.

"If you feel so bad, then you should talk to her," Felix said.

Felix was trying to help, he was telling me to go talk to Heaven and to make her understand that I hit her unintentionally but I couldn’t. I can’t bring myself to stand in front of her and look her in the eye, talk more of talking to her.

I shook my head and went back to my desk. I grabbed the wine bottle sitting there and poured a cup to the brim. I gulped it in one shot. Then poured another cup, and drank it all in one shot again

My wine hurt of chest hurts but I didn’t care. The pain in my heart and the guilt I felt were way greater.

"Should I get you some actual food?" Felix asked.

I waved my hand. I dismissed the idea. "No. I don’t want to eat."

"But that’s your seventh bottle of wine. And you know you shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach," Felix said trying to persuade me.

I looked up at him and he immediately put his head down. I hated respecting myself and he knows.

"Okay. Okay. I get that you don’t want to eat. Is there anything you would like me to get?" He said raising his hand to the air to show that he surrendered.

"Get me more reports," I said. Looking down at the piles of reports that I had already reviewed.

But I still need to keep myself busy. To forget everything that was going on in my head even though it wasn’t really helping Much.

Felix sighed. "This is going to wear you down. And you’re still in pain. I should probably call the Alphas maybe they would be able to talk you into not getting some rest."

He had seen it. The way I held my chest. The way I winced when the bond pulled at me. Heaven’s emotions were flowing through the mate bond. Her hurt and pain were everywhere in my chest and mind. It was killing me.

"No, don’t call them, and don’t worry about me. Just go get what I asked for," I said trying to contain myself.

Felix looked like he wanted to argue. But he didn’t, he knew I was already at the edge of snapping at him for being concerned when I’ve told him multiple times not to.

He looked at me for a long while then nodded and turned around. He got to the door, opened it, and closed it gently.

When he was gone and I was finally alone, my wolf began to lose control.

Inside my mind, my wolf was howling. He was screaming at me and demanding that I go to our mate.

’Please go to her! We need to see her! Now!’

My wolf screamed in my head.

"Shut up!" I yelled but my wolf didn’t listen.

It wasn’t like I thought it would listen anyways cause it was really stubborn. I have a very stubborn wolf.

’She’s our mate! She’s hurting! We caused this!’

"I know! But there’s nothing I can do" I roared.

I grabbed another cut from my desk. I threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall and it scattered everywhere.

"She doesn’t want to see us, she hates you and me right now. So just shut up and let me be," I yelled to my wolf.

’Then fix it! Go see her and tell her how sorry you are’

"I can’t do that. I hurt her so much and I don’t think she would want to listen to me,"

By this time tears began falling down my face. I was really hurting and my wolf wasn’t making things easy for me.

’You should at le...’

"Can you just shut the fuck up? I’m trying to think here so shut up!," I interrupted but it obviously didn’t listen. It was too strong.

It kept talking and talking and tried to make me feel more guilty for hurting Heaven.

I went back to my chair and sat on it as I ran my hand through my hair.

I had fucked up and I knew it. How was I supposed to get her to forgive me when I couldn’t even forgive myself?

I could still see everything playing in my head. The way I lost control and hit her and she fell to the floor. The way she looked up at me hurt and I didn’t even do anything to help her up.

My wolf whimpered painfully, as if it was grieving and felt every inch of it.

’Please go to her’

My wolf said but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. My pride wouldn’t let me go to her and my shame was holding me back.

What if she really did hate me now? What if she looked at me with fear instead of the soft way she usually does? What if I had destroyed the bond between us forever and there was no way of repairing it?

I poured myself another cup of wine and my hand kept trembling as I brought it to my mouth.

I drank it, kept the cup down, and took another report from the piles on my desk.

I ran my hand through my hair as I tried my very best to concentrate and forget all about it.