Harry Potter and the Fortunate Queen-Chapter 465: Outsider: Acceptance

This wasn't the first time Chris had completely broken down in Ron's room, nor was it the first time Harry had taken care of her. And every time it amazed Chris, how effortlessly he did it. So Chris sobbed and wept in Harry's arms as he held her shaking body and patted her back. Chris didn't stop until she got tired of crying and by that time she was on the floor, Harry still holding her.

Chris looked up at Harry and saw him staring at her with eyes full of concern and love and she just slumped back.

"I don't deserve this," Chris mumbled. "I mean . . ."

Chris sighed trying to find words to explain herself but Harry thought he understood what she meant.

"Of course, you don't deserve this, Chris. Nobody deserves what they are going through. We didn't –"

"I mean this, Harry," Chris interrupted him and waved her hand in between them.

"What?" Harry's face instantly turned to a very confused look.

"I . . . Us Harry. I don't think I deserve this. Your comfort and concern . . . when you don't even know what's going on. I'm a horrible person."

"What – Hey! You do not talk about yourself like that!" Harry scolded but the concern grew in his green eyes and he knit his brows. "Why would you say that?"

"Because people are grieving the people that are gone and here I am . . . thinking about what I don't have," Chris's eyes teared up again. "And I just feel so empty and I don't know if it's because of the people we have lost or things I have lost and I feel so terribly guilty for thinking about myself in a situation like this and then I feel guilty about not being able to help people. I just –"

"Hey. Hey," Harry gently whispered as he moved the hairs out of Chris's face and made her look at him. "I don't know what's going but I know you are not a bad person. You hear me? You are not a bad person. Never were. Never will be. Now you don't have to tell me what's going on but whatever it is –"

"No, I have to," Chris wiped the tears out of her face and looked at him. "Harry, did you see my wand at the memoriam at Hogwarts?"

"Your wand . . .? What happened to it? Did it break during the fight?"

"No. At the end when everyone was paying respect by pointing their wands at the sky and I did too but did you notice nothing happened?" Chris knew she was beating around the bush but she couldn't just outright say it.

"Nothing happened? What do you mean nothing happened? Were you trying to do something like you did at Dumbledore's tomb?" Harry asked, he was trying his best to understand.

"You knew it was me at Dumbledore's tomb?" Chris asked surprised. She didn't even realize that he knew.

"I mean yeah. I know your magic, Chris," Harry smiled but Chris grimaced. "What?"

"Fergus's magic," Chris sighed.

". . . yeah, I mean technically –"

"No, not technically. It was Fergus's magic and when he moved on, which he didn't want to because of me, his powers went with him," Chris finally confessed. "I told you and our friends what happened when you all thought I died, how I met the founders and Dumbledore and then came back. What I didn't tell you is that they gave me and Fergus a choice. Fergus could come back with me and get stuck here for an uncertain amount of time or he could move on and leave me without powers. He wanted to come back and stay for my sake but I convinced him not to."

"What does that mean . . . for you?" Harry asked cautiously like he didn't want to upset Chris more.

"It means I am not not a witch anymore, Harry. I don't regret it at all but . . ." Chris shrugged and Harry's mouth hung open.

Harry didn't speak for a few moments and Chris thought the worst and sighed.

"See I told you I was being selfish. Now you get it, don't you? I feel so . . . ugh!" Chris rubbed her eyes hard. "You can hate me, it's understandable."

"What? No!" Harry finally snapped out of it. "I don't hate you! Are you crazy? I was just worried and honestly impressed."

"Impressed? Really?" Chris looked at him skeptically like she didn't believe him at all.

"Yeah, you did the right thing by Fergus. He had suffered enough. But it is ok to grieve. Man, I don't even know how you feel right now with your powers . . ."

"I feel like an outsider here and helpless and very very guilty for not helping people, not thinking about them enough," Chris sighed again. "I am a mess right now and I would totally understand if you didn't want to deal with this whole thing."

Chris's voice broke while mumbling the last part and Harry immediately pulled her close.

"What do you mean not wanting to deal with this?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling and who I am right now, Harry. I have to build my whole life back up from scratch and I don't even know how much I could be a part of the wizarding world and you are . . . Harry Potter. People will look at you, you will be the future of the wizarding world and I will be – I don't know where."

"Chris," Harry gently took Chris's hands and intertwined their fingers tightly. "You would be here. With me. Always. I love you. Nothing. And I mean nothing will change that. You are Christina Norton. With or without powers. You will always be the brave badass Christina Norton whom I fell in love with since I was twelve. You fought to give this wizarding world the future it is celebrating today, there is no way you won't be a part of it. And you know what, if it's about you not helping people then I will work double as hard to make sure that your part is also done. I can do your part of the helping too. How about that?"

Tears filled Chris's eyes again as she stared at Harry.

"What?" Harry asked.

"I love you," Chris said diving into his arms and hugging him tight.

"I love you too," Harry chuckled and it sounded a little hoarse. Chris knew it was the first time he laughed after the battle. Chris felt the laughing vibration in Harry's chest and she realized how much she loved it. How much he loved Harry.

Chris kissed Harry and he kissed him back. When they finally pulled back they were both smiling and Chris felt a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Thank you for loving me," Chris muttered.

"Are you kidding? Everybody would choose to love you in a heartbeat," Harry caressed and smoothed down her hair. "In fact, thank you for choosing me. I still can't believe it sometimes."

"Well you are the chosen one," Chris joked and Harry chuckled again and she decided it was her favorite sound in the world.

"Does Colin, Luna, and Ginny know about this?" Harry asked after a few moments as he and Chris sat together near the window and watched the night sky. In the backyard, the Weasleys were starting to pack up the tables and people were getting ready to leave.

"No, you are the first one to know," Chris told him which made him smile.

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"Ginny is going to be so mad that I know this before her," Harry joked and it was Chris's turn to chuckle.

"I will tell them today," Chris said with resolve. "And I would pay as much respect as possible to the people that are gone, in the ways I still can."

[To be Continued]