Hero? I've Long Stopped Being One-Volume 1 Chapter 1

∴

Volume 1 – Chapter 1: Dark History

At the start of the year 2093, unknown monstrous beasts started appearing all around the world, harassing the populace. At the same time, the crime rate also grew at an unprecedented rate. The government's answer to all of this was to blockade any and all information.

In 2095, the situation rapidly started deteriorating. Monsters, as well as criminals with superpowers, started unceasingly appearing in front of humanity. The government's information blockade was also unable to hold under this sort of situation and was broken. The average army's weapons were only able to do very minimal damage to the monsters and criminals with superpowers. The would often appear in places where the population was very dense; by doing so every time, they prevented the military from using their more powerful, destructive weapons.

Starting April of 2095, large numbers of godly militant groups with supreme power began emerging, ushering in the beginnings of a new age. The government was unable to deal with the predicament before them and as a result, the whole world was in one fell swoop, plunged into pandemonium.

In October of 2095, a man appeared covered with a black robe, his facial features hidden behind his billowing cape. He brought hope to the world that was falling deeper into panic and pandemonium every day.

He was history's first genuine superhero and the people all called him [Zero]. He started constantly fighting the monsters that would appear at the same time, he would relentlessly fight the forces hidden in the dark.

At first, it seemed as if he was also going to be defeated like the government and other people who had challenged the dark forces before him, because the monsters and powerful dark forces flocked to him, trying to defeat him.

However, one by one, he crushed powerful evil organizations, slaughtered monsters, and arrested criminals with superpowers. Mankind began worshipping Zero with fanatical enthusiasm and some even called Zero their God and Savior. However, at that time, Zero only said one sentence to the whole of mankind, "I am not God, I am just a human who wants to eradicate evil people."

While Zero was constantly winning battles, information and data about the monsters and criminals with superpowers were being brought right into the people's line of sight.

In 2098, by depending on the information Zero gave them, mankind soon discovered the origin of the strange creatures that had been appearing. About 80% of the monsters were created by humans themselves, as a result of inhumane experiments and secret weapons research. The remaining 20% came from outer space and other worlds.

Relying on the information that Zero gave them, mankind began to truly understand the world that they lived in.

In May of 2098, because people worshiped and praised Zero's every action, from within the vast earth appeared three superheroes who began to battle the monsters and criminals with superpowers that Zero did not have the time to fight with.

In June of the same year, again another ten heroes appeared all over the world.

In July, tens more superheroes appeared as well.

An effect of [Zero]'s legendary tale began to show itself; numerous amounts of superheroes started popping up everywhere and the global crime rate began to drop very quickly.

The year 2100, The beginning of the 22nd century arrived marked by many major changes and events. This century was a special one.

In March, the Superhero Registration Act was established. Because of this act, superheroes had to go register with the government before going to fight off enemies of mankind. Otherwise, if they did not register, they would be considered the same as criminals, whatever they did would be considered a crime in the eyes of the law. For this reason, from amongst the heroes appeared two factions: the supporters and the opposers.

The whole world wished for Zero to intervene and say something about the situation. However, the man who created innumerable miraculous acts 5 years ago was nowhere to be seen. The government went looking for him, but all that was left to be found was his black cape.

The year 2105, standing in a loud, noisy hubbub of a street, Lin Jie blankly stared out at the big screen in front of him broadcasting the latest movie advertisement.

He only saw a beautiful female host say: “I invite everyone to come watch this new movie:《Zero: I am not God》. This time, famous superhero Zero will be portrayed by famous actor Mr. He Qi. At the same time, because this is the fifth movie of the series, we have invited the active A-Level Hero: [God's Hand] to act as himself in this installment of the series, After all, he was there that day as a witness of Zero's actions. "

At this time, a man wearing a mask appeared in front of everyone.

"Hello everyone, I am the active superhero known as God's Hand." The man said to the screen.

……

"I didn't think that what I did during Chuunibyou period would earn a reward of five full film movies! Ah… the shame of it all… ah… It was obviously a dark time for me, yet they actually had to film it and turn it into a movie for the whole world to see… What kind of shame play is this?!?! Ah…" Lin Jie screamed out internally. Zero has already disappeared for five years.

The reason why the whole world could not find him was because during those five years, he was a huge otaku.

When he went through his Chuunibyou period, he had wanted to become a hero. However, he kept on getting stronger and stronger and when he finally realized it, his life had already become totally messed up. So on the day of his high school graduation, he decided to give up continuing his identity as a superhero and became an otaku.

Truthfully, Lin Jie didn't want to become an otaku. However, when he finally came to his senses, he lost all his good friends, his school work was a mess, and he couldn't even test into a third rate college. Following the downward spiral his life came to be, no companies would hire a high school graduate and so, he began to live as an otaku.

What Lin Jie would often do was think back to his memories of junior high and high school life.

During his junior high school years, the other boys would be playing games where heroes fought monster whilst he would be fighting actual monsters…

When his classmates were cutting down monsters in computer games, he would go out and cut down real monsters…

When his classmates had spare time, they would go out and play but he would go out to cut down monsters…

After graduating, when others were sharing contact information, he would still be cutting down monsters…

At the very end of school, when graduation had arrived, he had discovered he never managed to make any friends. All the time others spent making friends, he spent cutting down monsters.

When he arrived at high school, it was the time for boys and girls to fall in love.

When others made plans in the classrooms after school, he would be in the classrooms cutting down people after school.

When others dated in the forest, he would be cutting down people in the forest.

When others dated by the side of a small stream of water, he would be by the stream cutting down people.

When others dated in a park, he would be in the park cutting down people.

Lin Jie carefully thought about his performance during his three years of high school. The places people socialized at, he had used them all for cutting down people. Places where people hooked up for one night stands, he would really be bombarded with enemy attacks.^[1]

This made Lin Jie feel like he had put all of his time and effort into the wrong skill. Why does it seem like all superheroes do is: first save beauties from danger and then go skirt-chasing or vice versa?

Lin Jie kept reflecting over his own experiences… monsters, heavy artillery, brawny men, aliens… there wasn't even one female… Ah!

So, after figuring out the unfairness of it all, Lin Jie decided to wholeheartedly heal his Chuunibyou Syndrome.

……

"I've heard that you were one of the victims of the evil cult at the time, Mr. God's Hand?" The female hostess asked.

"It's true, at that time I was a zealot in the evil cult, but thanks to Zero, I could break away from the cult and become a hero." God's Hand replied.

"Then, are you going to display your true colors this time? After all, you are acting as yourself this time." Queried the female hostess.

"Obviously, this movie is not only going to recount Zero's story, but also the juncture at which I became a superhero. It means a lot to me. I will forever remember the one sentence he said to the people praising and worshipping him after defeating the evil god: I am not God; I am just a person who wants to eradicate evil people." God's Hand replied.

"Yes, we originally thought Zero wanted to tell us, rather than worship those things, why not rebel and resist them?"

"Yes, it was after receiving Zero's influence that I became a superhero. In fact, most of the first superheroes became superheroes because of that one sentence's effect."

……

"Your Mom!^[2]

That time, I felt like saying it like that would be very cool, and that's all. After all, at the time, there were many beautiful girls there…" Lin Jie roared in his heart: "When I was trying to act all cool and handsome, people actually took what I said and started researching the meaning behind the words. This feeling is just way too shameful…."

……

"Then Mr. God's Hand, do you believe that Zero is still alive?"

"I don't believe that he would die, because I have personally witnessed his battle and that kind of powerful existence could never be killed."

……

"Hey hey hey? Am I very strong? But all I know is how to chop people! And that demonic-wannabe thing was obviously super shitty."

……

"Is that so? In that case, Mr. God's Hand and the earliest heroes all had the same beliefs. We are grateful that you would let us interview you; this time the audience will get to see the most authentic adaptation of the heroes series. Alright then, we have also invited Ms. Qin Yanran who is playing the part of the Holy Maiden of the evil cult. She will be acting as the antagonist to Mr. He Qi in this movie."

……

"Authentic your sister! Originally, I cut down the tentacle monster boss in seconds, but in the fourth movie, they portrayed me getting devastated by the tentacle monster for 15 minutes! …Just thinking about it makes me feel sick… The director actually lets a strange octopus tentacle ravage a big man…" Looking at the screen Lin Jie remembered: "At the very end, it was the captain's daughter that saved me and together we eliminated the tentacle monster; ending with a love story… In truth, the captain's daughter had been holding her head crying in the ship's cabin the whole time…"

Lin Jie could not help but sigh: "I reckon when they shoot this movie, they probably will make me and the Holy Maiden hook up. When I said that sentence, I really wanted her to put all of her focus on me; sadly, she fainted… If things really went like how it did when they shoot the movies… How great would that be!!!! …Even now, I'm still a single dog!^[3]

You people portray me as someone who constantly talks to others about love; this is just too unbearable for me! Too fucking unbearable! Plus, I never gave my permission for others to use my image like that; since when did that company get the exclusive rights to use my image…"

Lin Jie madly criticized internally for a while before remembering what he was doing today; his younger sister had forced him out of the house and told him to find a job.

"Come to speak of it, fortunately, I didn't let my younger sister figure out I was Zero, otherwise I wouldn't be able to stay in the house anymore because of my dark history with movies and anime. When others got afflicted with chuunibyou they just made a small fuss, but when I got afflicted by chuunibyou it was witnessed by the entire world… Luckily, I concealed my identity at the time, otherwise, I'd really have no courage to face someone now."

Footnotes:

[1] Lost in translation. In Chinese, it goes like yuepao-paoji. Yuepao is apparently a one-night stand (slang), and paoji is like a large artillery bombardment… So basically while others are getting to "pound" each other, Lin Jie is the one getting the pounding… yea.

[2] Standardized cursing, your run-of-the-mill curses you hear in China/Taiwan. (and apparently all around the world as well)

[3]狗糧 [gǒu liáng] n. Dog food. This neologism refers to the self-pity of single people (humorously dubbed 「「). (Copy pasted from Haha China )

∴