Hero? I've Long Stopped Being One-Volume 1 Chapter 9

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Chapter 9: The First Mission – Housekeeping

Two weeks flew by just like this.

On the roof of a skyscraper, two people wearing sunglasses were observing the scenery below.

"Thirteen, how is everything going over on your side?" Xiao Zhan was holding a bag of La Tiao^[1] while observing Thirteen and Specs bro's image through a communications device. "Say no more, this newest flavor of La Tiao is really not bad at all."

"You, this rich man's second generation, finally understand the beauty of WuMao La Tiao." Lin Jie said from the side, "Next time I'll bring you to buy a few different flavors of La Tiao."

"I have no choice but to admit that for the food known as La Tiao must have its own charm since it has been able to persevere in Area C for a century." admitted Xiao Zhan.

'Hey, hey! Knock off with the La Tiao research, the suspect has appeared!" the communications device transmitted over the voice of Specs bro.

"This is Thirteen. The targets have appeared." After Thirteen spoke, everyone shifted their attention to his perspective.

"You're sure that they're also a part of the illegal faction?" Lin Jie asked again to verify.

"I've seen these kinds of people before; they seem to be researching something related to biochemistry." Thirteen spoke. "I've already followed them for a week, so trust me, their minds are about to collapse."

"Thirteen, how strong are the enemies?" Xiaozhan?? Asked.

"From what I've seen, they are part of a dangerous organization that is made up of 10 C-class villains and thousands of mercenaries," Thirteen briefed. "However, at the moment only these people are left, their main fighting force has already been annihilated."

"……" Lin Jie wordlessly watched the discussion between the large group; "Thirteen, why don't you continue trailing them for another two days? I reckon that by then we don't even need to show our hand."

"No way, if we don't make a move we won't be evaluated properly by the Hero Association." Rebuted Xiao Zhan.

"Indeed, following them has saved us some trouble, but they seem to have reached a dead end. There are rumors going around saying that they plan to activate their biological weapons ahead of schedule before making trades with another organization." Thirteen spoke up again. "I'm prepared to take action, Specs, bring some weapons over. Oh yeah, and bring some La Tiao over while you're at it."

"Don't call me Specs! Calling me Yan Qing, even delivery man is fine."

Specs bro's name was actually Yan Qing, and he was also one of the rare ability users that could control spatial dimensions. However, he could only activate this ability by switching position with any spectacles that he wore before. And among this group of people, there is currently a person with a pair of glasses that specs bro wore previously.

"Specs is good."

"Understood, Specs."

"Okay Specs, don't forget about the La Tiao."

"……" In the next moment, Specs bro's silhouette appeared in Lin Jie and Xiao Zhan's field of vision, carrying some special preparations and a large bag of La Tiao. "….."

"As long as you brought this, it’s fine." Thirteen grabbed a La Tiao.

"Just how much do y'all like La Tiao?! Shouldn't we just change our group name into Team La Tiao!" Specs stood at a side, disgruntled. In these two weeks, the three of them ate at least three large cabinets worth of La Tiao.

At the same time, one side of the negotiating party turned to an old, weathered truck and opened the trunk. A substance resembling what was probably stored in a nutritional factory storehouse appeared in full view. However, just as both sides were about to complete their exchange, the truck suddenly seemed gain consciousness, it shuddered uncontrollably before revving its engine to dive right into the abandoned factory's sewage pool.

"What do we do now?" Specs bro asked.

"Let's evaluate the situation first." Thirteen replied.

In the short period of time that the two of them were conversing, a huge explosion occurred in the sewage pool, which was quickly followed by a large underwater monster emerging from the waves. Everyone quickly looked at the monster.

"We should probably move out now," said Xiao Zhan as he turned to face Lin Jie.

"That's good, I will go over." Saying that, Lin Jie walked towards Mt. Tiantai's small door.

"What are you doing?" Xiao Zhan curiously asked Lin Jie.

"Go up to the top floor and take the elevator down." Lin Jie said.

"How troublesome ah, before even calling you to come over to Mt. Tiantai, I've already done my preparations." Xiao Zhan took out a pair of metal shoes as he spoke, "Remember the first time we met? Back then I used a pair of gloves that reversed force. Now I've implemented that technology onto this pair of shoes, and it will give me the ability to fly simply by reversing the force vectors. Oh yes, and I've prepared a pair for you."

"……" Lin Jie looked at the shoe in his hand, and also looked at Xiao Zhan who looked like a leaking balloon. He decisively threw the pair of shoes away, "I guess I'll take the elevator."

On the other side, Thirteen and Specs bro who were in the secret hideout saw the businessbosspress something in his hand, and then the massive sewage monster quieted down.

"Get ready to go up, first we will remove the monster." Thirteen said as he took out an electric light gun.

Specs bro also fished out a dozen glasses from his bosom.

Thirteen easily tossed the bag of La tiao in the direction of the sewage monster, and then both him and Specs bro rushed towards it.

"Making illegal biochemical transactions, prepare to be punished!" Specs bro threw out the glasses he took out, and then he took out another two electric batons.

Underneath both hands of the business deal, machine gun fire started spraying their way, Specs bro used his glasses to deftly exchange, managing to dodge the gunfire. But it was at this moment, something unexpected happened.

At the same time, the bag of La Tiao Thirteen was holding entered the sewage monster’s body, the boss of the transaction place was surprised to find out that the control device in his hand was losing effect.

A long, long sewage tentacle swept past and then all that was left was Specs bro and Thirteen.

"This…" Specs bro was stunned, "Why did that monster suddenly swallow down his own allies?"

"I dunno, but the only thing I can think of is the bag of La tiao I threw in earlier." Thirteen said.

"This thing called La tiao, exactly how incredible is it!" Specs bro exclaimed, "Oh no, quickly escape."

Looking at the sewage monster that wiggled nonstop as it came in his direction, Specs bro cried out in fear, "AH! No! I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T LIKE IT! CAN I NOT GO IN! CAN I LEAVE?!"

"Lemme try." Saying that, Thirteen faced the monster and opened fire then threw a grenade. Seeing that it had no effect, Thirteen turned his head and ran the other way "No way, there's absolutely no way we can do this at all; those few attacks was already the very best I could dish out."

"F*ck!" Specs bro cursed and then also started running, "Then the confidence you had when you rushed out earlier, where'd you get it from if your attack power is so shabby."

"Think about it, I'm a expert at moving about stealthily, thefrontal confrontation just now is not what I'm good at." Thirteen said, "Then what can you do?"

"I'm just a poor errand runner! What do you expect me to be able to do?"

"But I saw when you rushed over and yelled your catchphrase so confidently."

"I can't even have a strong voice."

"Wao, so other than your glasses you're basically worthless!"

Anyway, the sewage monster didn't seem to have too much of an interest in the two, after chasing the two for a while, the sewage monster abandoned them and ran in another direction.

"That's bad! It's heading downtown!" Specs bro was panicky as he said.

"I see it." Lin Jie's voice rang out from inside the communications device, "Don't worry, I will be waiting at the downtown area for it."

Looking at the unceasingly approaching sewage monster, Lin Jie couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Although it was still pretty far away, a thick disgusting stench had already been transmitted into his nose.

"Quickly solve the issue, and knock off of work and go home." Whilst saying that, Lin Jie forward to greet the huge sewage monster. In his hands was his spiked club, and he swept it with great force towards the body of the sewage monster. In an instant, a large amount of sewage went flying away, completely filling up the street with sewage and a disgusting stink settled down over everything on the street.

And so the people who originally wanted to watch superheroes fight monsters also started to take shelter.

Lin Jie's strong sweep of his morningstar across the sewage monster's body didn't hinder its forward motion at all, but on the contrary, only managed to dirty up several streets.

The only thing to be grateful for was, Lin Jie's morningstar had managed to sweep out several suspected criminals the monster had swallowed up.

"F*ck! I hate liquid type monsters the most!" Lin Jie cursed, and a stream of air on his body started to move distinctly.

"Wait a minute! Don't hit it! If you continue hitting, our gourmet food street will soon only be able to sell stinky tofu!"

When Lin Jie was entertaining thoughts of making a bigger move, from the crowd watching on the sides a sound suddenly echoed out, causing him to freeze, and many people from the crowd agreed with him.

"Tch!" Lin Jie had no choice but to jump back a step, looking at the onlooking crowd, and in his heart Lin Jie couldn't help but think: "Society has changed so fast, I remember when I was a hero whenever monsters were spotted people would run for their lives. Now, not to mention that they stand in a circle as if watching pigs fight in a coliseum, when they have the opportunity, they start to gesticulate and point fingers at people!"

"Don't worry brother, I have arriveeeeed!!" Suddenly, Xiao Zhan's voice could be heard coming from the air.

"Fly back here, ah." Lin Jie looked at Xiao Zhan who was spinning around in the air.

"Loo-looks…like…my inventions still have improvement."Xiao Zhan said.

"You think so?" Lin Jie asked into the communications device. But he could no longer ask, because Xiao Zhan who was flying all over the place had flown directly into the monster.

"…Whatever, I am still the MVP!" When he spotted Xiao Zhan, only half of his body was sticking out.

Just at this time, a miraculous thing happened. The sewage monster that Xiao Zhan had the unfortunate chance of running into had its body start turning into clear water. Xiao Zhan took advantage of this opportunity to wriggle free from the body of the monster.

"What happened?" Lin Jie converged with Xiao Zhan as he dodged a tentacle attack, "How did you make him become clear water?"

"It must be the result of my all-new [Evil Elutriating Electrified Rod version 2000]." Saying that, Xiao Zhan took out two rods, and the short rods were currently undulating, "My previous versions have all undergone improvements, not only is it powerful enough to expunge dust and oily substances, this version is already at a stage where as long as something is dirty, I can purify it."

"Putting that aside, please explain to me what’s with the vibrating function of these things?" Lin Jie said.

"What does vibration matter for? It can even wobble around!" Saying this, the front end of the Evil Elutriating Electrified Rod in Xiao Zhan's hand started to vibrate, "You can leave this monster to me."

"You sure when you reveal this thing, you won't need to make a code for it?"

"I can think about it next time."

……

Footnotes:

[1]La Tiao is something people eat in asian countries, which ones, I don't know. In english it could be called Spicy Strips.