Leave Me Alone, Big Brothers! [BL]-Chapter 168: Breathe

The roar of the engines was so loud, vibrating through the soles of Nathan’s shoes and rattling in his chest. He stood behind the metal barrier, his fingers gripping the cold railing so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

He focused on Zane’s car, which was a blur of light every time it passed him.

Nathan’s mouth was dry. He didn’t care about the speed or the skill or the money being bet by the shouting crowd around him. He only saw the erratic way the car took the corners.

It was too fast.

"Please, be safe," Nathan whispered into the collar of his jacket. The wind whipped the words away instantly.

"Please... Zane."

He found himself closing his eyes every time Zane’s car drifted near the concrete edges. He was praying, repeating the same plea over and over in his mind. He wanted the race to end.

The checkered flag dropped. Zane’s car crossed the line first, the engine screaming along with the cheers from behind him.

Zane won.

But as the other cars began to slow down and head toward the pits, Zane’s car didn’t decelerate. It surged forward, the tires losing grip on a patch of melting slush.

Nathan felt his heart stop.

The car skidded sideways, the back end swinging out violently toward a thick, leafless oak tree at the edge of the track.

The sound of screeching rubber was deafening.

Nathan trembled. He watched, frozen, as the car’s grazed the rough bark of the tree before finally coming to a dead halt, angled sharply off the road.

For a second, there was total silence, as if time had stopped. Then, the crowd erupted into a mix of cheers for the win and gasps at the near-miss.

Nathan didn’t wait. He vaulted over the low barrier, his boots hitting the muddy grass. He ran across the track, ignoring everything.

He didn’t care that Zane had won. He didn’t care about anything right now. He only cared that the boy was okay.

He should be okay.

The car seemed fine, it hadn’t hit the tree, just scraped past it.

Nathan looked inside the car.

"Zane!" he screamed.

He grabbed the door handle and yanked it. It was locked. Through the dark window, he could see Zane slumped in the bucket seat. Zane’s head was back against the headrest, and his chest was heaving in a rhythmic, desperate struggle. He was trying to bring the plastic inhaler to his mouth.

Nathan panicked. He pounded on the glass with the side of his fist. "Zane! Open the door! Look at me! Open it!"

Inside, Zane’s eyes were wide and unfocused. He looked toward the window, squinting through the blurred edges of his vision.

He saw a face. Nathan’s face. He thought he was hallucinating. He thought the lack of oxygen was making him see the person he missed the most. But the pounding on the door was too loud, too real.

With a trembling finger, Zane pressed the central locking switch.

Nathan didn’t hesitate. He swung the door open and practically dove into the small space, his upper body hovering over Zane. The smell of hot metal was overwhelming.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Nathan’s voice was a jagged mix of worry and anger. "Do you want to die?"

Nathan grabbed the inhaler from Zane’s lap. He shook it once, his own hands trembling, and pressed it firmly against Zane’s lips. "Deep breath."

He released the medication. Zane took a ragged, whistling breath, holding it in as his eyes locked onto Nathan’s. Nathan didn’t move. He kept his hand on the back of Zane’s neck, steadying him. After a few seconds, Zane exhaled and took a second puff.

The crowd began to gather around the car. Lucas arrived, exhaling a puff of cold air as he examined the scratch on the car’s body.

"Hey, are you still alive in there?" Lucas asked, leaning down to look inside.

Zane didn’t look at Lucas. He raised a weak hand and signaled for everyone to step back. His friends from the garage were there too, looking concerned.

"I’m fine," Zane rasped, his voice sounding like sandpaper. "I’m fine. Just... give me a minute. Go back to the pits."

The next race was about to start.

A man Nathan didn’t recognize handed a bottle of water through the open door. Zane took it, took a slow sip, and closed his eyes. He waited until the footsteps of the crowd faded away.

Then the roar of the next set of engines began to drown out the immediate area.

Zane looked at Nathan. He set the water bottle down in the center console.

His eyes were watery, and the redness hadn’t faded from his face yet. He reached out and took Nathan’s hand, his grip surprisingly tight.

"I’m sorry," Zane whispered. "I’m really sorry, Nath."

Nathan didn’t let go of the inhaler. He stared at Zane, his jaw tight. "Don’t say anything yet. Just breathe. Make sure you’re actually okay before you start apologizing."

They sat in the quiet of the car for several minutes. The only sound was the distant, muffled thumping of the music and the wind whistling through the cracked bumper.

Slowly, Zane’s breathing evened out.

Nathan saw that the crisis was over. He stood up, stepping out of the car and stretching his legs. He looked at the car, then at the dark woods beyond the track.

"I hate seeing you race," Nathan said, his back to Zane. "I hate it."

Zane climbed out of the car slowly. He felt weak, his muscles heavy from the adrenaline crash. He looked up at Nathan, then looked down at the muddy ground. He didn’t know what to say.

He knew he was bad at explaining his feelings. He usually expressed himself through speed or silence, and neither was working right now.

Nathan sighed and turned around. He saw how defeated Zane looked, his shoulders slumped, his hair messy.

"Can you walk?" Nathan asked. "You need some fresh air."

Zane nodded. He followed Nathan as they walked away from the track, moving toward a quieter area beneath a large, dry tree. The snow was almost gone, leaving the ground soft and brown.

Spring was coming, but the air was still biting.

Nathan sat down on a thick, fallen branch and patted the space next to him. Zane sat down, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Why are you here?" Zane asked. "I thought you didn’t want to see me."

"I should ask you the same thing," Nathan countered. "Why are you still racing like you have a death wish? You know your lungs can’t handle that kind of stress."

Zane looked at his hands. "I needed a release. Everything felt too loud in my head. When I’m driving, I don’t have to think about anything."

Nathan looked down, then looked away before turning back to Zane. "Were you really that broken? Was it really because of me?"

Nathan felt a pang of uncertainty. He didn’t want to be arrogant. He didn’t want to assume he was the center of Zane’s world. He had spent his whole life being the unwanted person in people’s lives; he wasn’t used to being the reason someone fell apart.

Zane looked him directly in the eyes. He didn’t try to look tough. "I’ll admit it. I’m heartbroken. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. I was so sad."

Nathan stared at him. Zane looked smaller than usual. The honesty in his voice was raw. Nathan realized that Zane really did need help. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝓮𝒘𝙚𝙗𝒏𝙤𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝒐𝙢

Nathan moved closer, his shoulder brushing against Zane’s. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I didn’t mean to drive you crazy."

Zane’s eyes widened. He looked at Nathan with a flash of fear. He was afraid this was Nathan’s way of saying goodbye. It might be the part where someone says sorry before leaving.

Nathan looked at him seriously. "Tell me the truth, Zane. No lies. Have you ever had a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? Anyone?"

Zane didn’t hesitate. He shook his head vigorously. "No. I seriously have never had a lover. Not a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. Nothing."

"Why?" Nathan asked. "You’re handsome. You have money. You’re popular. There must have been people."

"No, I’m not popular," Zane sighed.

Then he continued, "There were people who interested me," Zane admitted, looking down at his boots. "But I didn’t have the time or the energy for it before. I was focused on my cars and my grades because that was what I could control. You... you’re my first boyfriend, Nath. The first person I actually wanted to stay with."

Nathan looked away, his heart beating in a strange, fluttering rhythm in his chest. He felt a mix of relief and a new kind of guilt.

"Nath," Zane said, reaching for his hand again. "I’m being honest. Don’t leave me, please. You have to trust me. If I had someone else, I wouldn’t be sitting here begging you."

Nathan looked down at their joined hands. "I’m sorry. I really didn’t know you well enough. Something silly like this already made me doubt you."

Zane remained silent, looking confused.

"I’m sorry," Nathan repeated. "I didn’t believe you, and I didn’t even try to find out the truth before I shut you out. I just wanted to protect myself from getting hurt."

Zane looked at Nathan for a long time. The tension in his face finally began to melt away. "You... you aren’t angry anymore?"

Nathan sighed, a small smile finally tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Well, now I should probably ask you that question."

"No!" Zane said quickly. "Why would I be angry with you?"

"Because I didn’t trust you."

"No, it was my mistake."

"No, it was mine," Nathan insisted.

Zane looked down, trying to hide a smile, but he couldn’t. The relief was so immense that he felt lightheaded again. The world felt like it was shifting back into place.

"So," Zane said, nudging Nathan’s shoulder with his own. "Can you unblock me now?"

Nathan smiled. "I already did."

Zane leaned his head against Nathan’s shoulder. "Nath, don’t do it again, please. I don’t think my car can survive another breakup."

Nathan leaned back against him, the cold wind finally feeling a little warmer. "Don’t race again! Just focus on your final exams, Zane. I’ll let you be second."

"No, thank you. I’ll be number one. Again."

"In your dreams, seriously."

They chuckled together.

Then Nathan looked at Zane seriously. "You said you were interested in many people before. What kind of people are they that make you feel attracted?"

"What? Are you jealous?"

"Nope. I need to know."

"Nothing as perfect as you."

Nathan felt his face flush. "I think I need to be a good top. I’ve never kissed you."

Zane cleared his throat, feeling it go dry. He looked away.

"Zane... let me kiss you. You’re my bottom."

"Please don’t say that in front of people," Zane said quietly.