Like Deadpool in the DC Universe.-Chapter 12: Boredom and stupidity.

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As Blade and Raven returned, the elevator doors slid open. Both of them rushed inside the headquarters, only for Blade to be startled as a bunch of balloons exploded above his head. Instinctively, he took a step back, his hand immediately going to his gun.

At that moment, the blaring sound of a party horn echoed through the room, and Beast Boy proudly unveiled a massive banner that read:

"Welcome to the team, Blade!"

Cyborg was clapping enthusiastically, while Starfire rocketed toward him at her alien speed. Before he could even think of dodging, she tackled him into a crushing embrace, so warm and intense that he genuinely feared his bones would shatter.

"Oooooh, my new friend! I am so happy you have joined us! May your stay be filled with joy and wonderful adventures!"

This content is taken from fгee𝑤ebɳoveɭ.cøm.

As she squeezed him, Blade struggled to respond, feeling like his ribcage was about to collapse under the pressure.

"Hah... h-happy too... but, uh... what about... personal space? No? Okay, fine, just break my ribs, then!"

When Starfire finally let go, Blade inhaled deeply, only to realize he wasn't ready for what came next.

At the far end of the room, Robin stood with his arms crossed, his usual serious expression fixed in place. He stared at Blade with an unsettling mix of doubt and distrust. He didn't smile. He didn't clap. Instead, in the driest voice imaginable, he simply said:

"Don't make me regret letting you stay here."

Blade paused for a moment, then slowly turned his head toward the reader and muttered sarcastically:

"Ah, there it is. The brooding buzzkill has entered the scene. I was wondering when he'd come ruin the celebration with his heartwarming poetry."

Then, turning to Robin, Blade raised his hands in fake surrender.

"Relax, oh mighty leader of angsty teens, I won't betray the team, I swear on my honor—oh wait! I don't have any! It was stolen by some old hag in a back alley of this very building, so... guess we'll just have to see what happens!"

Beast Boy burst into laughter, while Cyborg slapped his palm against his face. Meanwhile, Raven stood in the background, arms crossed, struggling to suppress a tiny smirk.

Robin, however, only scowled harder before storming out of the room, muttering unintelligible words under his breath. Blade chuckled mockingly before reaching for a piece of cake on the table.

"Alright, a welcome party and free damn cake? I think I might actually like this godforsaken place... just a little."

As Blade took a slow bite of the cake, Beast Boy practically vibrated with excitement, flailing his arms as he spoke at an insane speed.

"Dude! Do you know why Robin even agreed to this party? He didn't want to, I swear! But Raven forced him! Yeah, yeah! She told him, (Either we throw a welcome party for Blade, or I'm leaving the team!) Haha, it was legendary!"

Beast Boy paused, then leaned in closer, lowering his voice dramatically.

"You know, Robin was all like, (He's not trustworthy, he's weird, he's dangerous, blah blah blah...) But Raven went nuts defending you. She told him you killed her father, that you freed her from her worst fear!"

Blade stopped chewing for a moment, his eyes flicking to Raven, who stood in the corner, shrouded in her usual darkness. But before he could say anything, Raven swiftly raised a hand, and a shadowy wave of energy surged forward—sealing Beast Boy's mouth shut with dark magic.

"Enough, Beast Boy." Raven said coldly, though the clear embarrassment in her voice betrayed her usual composure. Blade turned his head toward her with a smug grin.

"Oooooh, so you were my secret admirer all this time, huh? I knew it! Should've seen the signs from the start!"

Raven tried to maintain her calm demeanor, but she turned her face slightly away, as if trying to hide the faint redness creeping onto her cheeks.

And Starfire? Well, you know Starfire...

She practically launched herself in front of Blade, radiating pure, unfiltered excitement, her eyes glowing with cosmic energy.

"Oooooooh! This means you are family now! Is that not wonderful?! Such joy! We shall go on adventures! We shall fight the villains! We shall eat the delicious foods of Earth together! We shall—"

Before she could dive into a full-length alien TED Talk on the magic of friendship, Cyborg placed a hand on her shoulder, calming her down a little before turning to Blade with a smile.

"Listen, man, whether Robin likes it or not, you're officially one of us now. So... don't make us regret this decision."

Blade smirked wickedly, raising his piece of cake once more and taking another bite.

"Oh, don't worry, Tin Man with a metal dick, you won't regret it... You might just wanna kill me every now and then."

The room went silent for a moment before everyone collectively shook their heads in defeat. Beast Boy, on the other hand, erupted into laughter, still struggling to pry Raven's dark energy off his mouth so he could spew more nonsense.

The party continued, the room filled with laughter. Beast Boy was now trying to convince Cyborg to turn him into a giant robot, while Blade was ranting about how he should be the new leader of the Titans because "Robin is just a cheap knockoff of Batman."

Meanwhile, in his room, Robin lay face-down on his bed, his face buried in his pillow, desperately trying to ignore the chaos outside.

"Why am I the leader again? Why do I put up with this? Why didn't I just join the Justice League instead?" he muttered, staring blankly at the ceiling before sighing in frustration.

Then came the final blow—the loud, taunting voice of Blade from the living room:

"Come on, Robin! Get out of your cave, your honor is safe! No one likes the broody loner who spends all his time in a secret meeting with his snake! I mean, except for Raven, but she's a special case!"

Raven raised an unimpressed eyebrow while Blade continued running his mouth.

"Come on, let me teach you how to enjoy life instead of sitting in your room pretending to be mini-Batman!"

Robin pulled his blanket over his head, trying to block out reality as he muttered bitterly:

"I hate him... I hate him so much..."

And yet, despite everything, there was the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. Maybe, just maybe, Blade's presence wasn't all that bad... Or at least, that's what he tried to convince himself.

—

A Few Days Later...

Blade was sprawled out on the couch, sighing in boredom like he was waiting for some dramatic event to fall from the sky. In front of him, Beast Boy sat cross-legged on the floor, struggling with a Rubik's cube but only succeeding in making things worse.

"Ugh... boredom is killing me... like having sex with a girl who's used to black guys." Blade grumbled, placing his hands behind his head.

Beast Boy lifted his head and stared at him before saying cheerfully, "I get bored fast too! So, what do we do? I need something fun! No, something awesome! No, something legendary!"

Blade studied him for a moment, then flashed a wicked grin. "Well then, little green dude... how about a trip to Batman's cave?"

Beast Boy froze. His eyes widened in pure shock before he started shaking his head violently. "What?! No, no, NO! Are you insane?! That place is the lair of the most dangerous man in the entire world! I mean, it's BATMAN! The guy who even makes Superman nervous sometimes! Nobody messes with his cave!"

Blade chuckled and ruffled Beast Boy's hair like he was a tiny puppy. "That's exactly why it'll be fun! Come on, just imagine... we break in, touch everything, mess with his gadgets, maybe leave a little note written in lipstick that says 'BATMAN, YOU RICH SMALL-DICKED BASTARD, BLADE WAS HERE.' Sounds amazing, doesn't it?"

Beast Boy shook his head again, even harder this time. "NO! A hundred times no! It's BATMAN! We'll be dead before we even set foot inside that cave!"

Blade sighed like he had been expecting this reaction. He sat up straight and said in a temptingly smooth voice, "What if I told you... I'd give you free pizza for life?"

Beast Boy stopped. His mouth fell slightly open. His soul visibly left his body as he stared at Blade in silence.

"Pizza... for life?"

"Yep."

"With any toppings?"

"Anything you want. Even pineapple, though that's a crime against humanity, and if any Italians see us, they'll probably rape us."

Beast Boy was deep in thought... but Blade wasn't even looking at him anymore. Instead, he turned directly toward the reader, his half-lidded eyes gleaming with mischief as he muttered conspiratorially,

"The writer isn't gonna allow this, is he? I know he's planning something... he always does. So, dear reader, if you ever find me— by a guy wearing a bat mask, know that this is all his fault."

Then Blade narrowed his eyes, directing his voice toward the void. "You bastard of a writer, born at the edge of a trash can, don't you dare interrupt me again or I'll— Oh wait, you created me... so I guess I'll just complain."

Then, without missing a beat, he turned back to Beast Boy and flashed a wide grin.

"So, what do you say? Are you in? Or are you just a green coward who secretly enjoys plastic dildos?"

Beast Boy bit his lip, his eyes darting between Blade and the thought of unlimited pizza. The internal struggle was real...

Then, all at once, he jumped to his feet and shouted, "I want a Margherita pizza! Let's go find Cyborg and get a motorcycle!"

With that, both Blade and Beast Boy bolted toward Cyborg's workshop, where the metal titan was busy fine-tuning one of his favorite vehicles. As soon as they barged in, Cyborg lifted an eyebrow, eyeing them suspiciously.

"What do you two want?" he asked, scanning them like they were about to commit a felony.

Beast Boy grinned excitedly and declared, "We want a motorcycle!"

Cyborg stared at them for a moment... before bursting into laughter.

"Oh, that's adorable! Now, what do you actually want?"

Blade raised his hand with extreme seriousness and declared, "We need a goddamn motorcycle."

Cyborg stopped laughing. He looked them both over again before saying slowly, "Why do I feel like this is a bad idea?"

Beast Boy threw up his hands in mock innocence. "What? We just wanna have a little fun! Nothing dangerous, just... a small ride around the city, that's all!"

Cyborg narrowed his eyes, then pointed at Blade. "And you? Why do I feel like you're planning something insane?"

Blade flashed a wide grin. "Oh, come on, man. When have I ever been irresponsible? I only fire my guns randomly every now and then."

Cyborg turned back to Beast Boy and sighed. "Fine, Greenie, you can take the bike... but don't drag me into any bullshit!"

Beast Boy jumped excitedly, throwing his fists in the air. "YES! MOTORCYCLE, HERE WE COME!"

Cyborg walked over to one of his custom bikes, revealing a sleek, futuristic-looking machine loaded with way too many gadgets. Blade narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Wait... is this a motorcycle, or a fucking mobile war machine with built-in sex toys?"

Cyborg smirked proudly. "I don't make ordinary things, my guy. This beauty's got turbo boost, a mini rocket launcher, anti-tracking systems, and—best part—it plays your favorite songs while you ride."

Blade turned to Beast Boy and grinned. "This is the greatest motorcycle I've ever seen... of course, after myself, since I'm obviously the most badass thing in the universe."

Beast Boy hopped onto the front seat, revving the engine. "LET'S GOOOOO!"

But before they could take off, Cyborg folded his arms and asked cautiously, "By the way... where exactly are you two going?"

Blade and Beast Boy froze. They exchanged a look... then Blade gave his best innocent smile and said, "Ah... just a small joyride around the city. Nothing serious!"

Cyborg eyed them suspiciously, but then sighed. "Alright, but if you idiots get into any trouble, do not mention my name. Got it?"

"GOT IT!" they both shouted in unison before tearing off at full speed—destination: Batman's Cave.

As the wind rushed past them, Blade smirked and turned toward the reader, eyes glinting with mischief.

"Welp, looks like we're heading straight for Batman... Let's really hope the writer doesn't screw us over with some dumbass plot twist."

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