Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It-Chapter 53 - 52: "Okay, I’ll Control It.

Then, his grip on her fingers tightened, as if reminding her of something...

Xu Su’s head shot up. She lifted their intertwined hands and blurted, "Are you saying this is the first time you’ve held a girl’s hand like this?"

Zhou Mochen frowned and corrected her. "It’s not just about our fingers being interlaced. Aside from necessary handshakes for work, this is the first time I’ve ever held a girl’s hand."

His voice was firm, leaving no room for doubt.

...Xu Su’s head suddenly began to ache. ’So, the Zhou Mochen from my past life was...?’

Her thoughts descended into utter chaos. In an instant, countless scenes of them together from her past life flashed through her mind, leaving her deeply bewildered.

’If that’s the case... why did he act like such an experienced player, so confident and at ease?’

Zhou Mochen leaned closer, as if to hug her, but Xu Su shrank away. He paused for a moment before sitting back. After giving her hand another squeeze, he slowly and reluctantly let go.

"I’m telling you this because I want you to know that Huang Chao won’t see our relationship as something sordid, the way you seem to. And I’m not the kind of sordid person you think I am."

Zhou Mochen said, "Look, I like you so much, yet I’m still restraining myself, aren’t I? Xu Su, don’t mistake me for some kind of playboy. I’m not."

Xu Su suddenly realized something.

’Zhou Mochen is giving in much earlier in this life...’

’This is the tone the thirty-year-old Zhou Mochen would use. The twenty-something version of him would only pretend to be invincible, forcefully dominating their relationship.’

’If he had been like this from the start in my past life... would we really have ended up that way?’

’So, what on earth happened in our past life that made him choose to start our relationship that way?’

Thinking too much had already exhausted her. Xu Su rubbed her forehead and said dejectedly, "My head hurts. Just let me go home and sleep, Zhou Mochen. And let me remind you one more time: I’m sixteen years old." 𝕗𝚛𝚎𝚎𝐰𝗲𝗯𝗻𝚘𝚟𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝕞

Zhou Mochen sighed helplessly. "I know you’re sixteen. You don’t have to keep reminding me. I’m keeping count."

"..." Xu Su was too exhausted to even consider what he meant by that. As soon as the car door unlocked, she jumped out and hurried home without a single glance back.

That night, Xu Su had a dream.

It was all about Zhou Mochen.

The sinister and domineering Zhou Mochen, the Zhou Mochen with red-rimmed eyes, the Zhou Mochen who clung to her, driven to madness...

At the end of the dream, she vaguely saw a version of Zhou Mochen with his hair half-white, watching over her as she lay in a coma.

When she opened her eyes, an inappropriate sense of gloom settled over Xu Su’s heart.

’How could Zhou Mochen’s hair have gone white? Before I was reborn, he was only thirty-five—the prime of a man’s life.’

’Back then, even though I often mocked him, I never made fun of his age... though I knew he was actually very self-conscious about their five-year age gap...’

After spacing out on her bed for a rare moment, Xu Su finally got up and got ready for school.

In the car, for the first time, Xu Su seriously studied the Zhou Mochen of this lifetime.

She had to admit, the twenty-one-year-old Zhou Mochen possessed a dashing charm his thirty-five-year-old self lacked. The confident air he exuded with every skillful movement as he drove, combined with his striking face...

’This guy must be a big shot at school.’

’This is Zhou Mochen, after all...’

Sensing her gaze, Zhou Mochen felt a surge of pleasure. His voice was tinged with an uncontrollable happiness. "What is it? Finally realized I’m not so bad after all?"

Xu Su took a breath. She wasn’t in a good mood. "Yeah, you’re not bad-looking," she said. "Don’t any girls at school chase you? You’ve never even had a chance to hold a girl’s hand?"

Zhou Mochen paused, a hint of helplessness in his voice. "I don’t like them, so why would I hold their hands?"

As he spoke, he held out his open right hand. "Do you want to hold it? You can."

’To be fair, his hand was beautiful—the knuckles were well-defined, the fingers long and pale.’

"..." Xu Su looked away, choosing to ignore him.

When she got to the classroom, Xu Su noticed her classmates were stealing glances at her. She guessed it was probably because she had returned the previous evening with red eyes.

However, these stares gradually faded away after she interacted normally with Xi Zirong during the morning self-study period.

’So much for Teacher Wu trying to break us up...’

With less than ten days until final exams, Xu Su’s score on her most recent test had finally, just barely, squeezed into the class’s top three.

This was all thanks to Xi Zirong’s help. When he took the initiative to come over and explain problems to her, Xu Su couldn’t be bothered to dwell on the ambiguous things he’d said the night before.

’Although Xu Su didn’t understand the minds of teenage boys, she had paid attention in health class. He’s a teenage boy, after all... Even though he said he wanted to hug her, he did manage to control himself, didn’t he?’

However, her tutor seemed a little distracted today.

During their lunch break, the two sat together. After Xi Zirong’s attention drifted for the third time, Xu Su looked at him. "Did you not sleep well? Why don’t you go take a nap? I can work on a practice test by myself."

Xi Zirong was very tall; even though they were both sitting, he was still taller by a good head. He looked down, his gaze carefully tracing her features, and said in a low voice, "I was worried you might still be crying after you went home last night. I worried all night, so no, I didn’t sleep well."

Xu Su paused and looked away. "Didn’t I tell you Teacher Wu didn’t say anything bad to me? I was crying because of something else."

"Can you tell me about it?" the boy’s voice was laced with an almost imperceptible ache. "Xu Su, you know I worry about you."

A noise came from behind them.

Wan Youping was standing behind them, his face flushed. His seat was in the last row, and he had clearly gotten up and overheard his class president’s confession as he was passing by.

"..." Interrupted like that, Xu Su belatedly felt a little embarrassed. Once Wan Youping had walked away, she looked back at Xi Zirong. He seemed to have gotten more thick-skinned; this time, he wasn’t even blushing.

Xi Zirong’s patient tutoring over this period had made it impossible for Xu Su to treat him as casually as she had in the beginning.

After some thought, she decided to explain. "It’s a family matter. I’m planning to board at the school next year, and I got upset talking about it. Just don’t ask anymore."

Xi Zirong paused. Thinking of her family situation, he pursed his lips. "Okay, I won’t ask."

In truth, he really had been worried all night. The image of the girl with her nose red from crying had been imprinted in his mind and hadn’t faded one bit.

It was the first time the boy had ever felt such a pang of heartache, a helpless urge to just hold her. Xi Zirong didn’t even know how he had managed to stop himself from embracing her right then and there.

His gaze was too intense, making Xu Su very uncomfortable. She turned her head and glared at him. "If you’re not going to go over problems, then go back to your own seat. Xi Zirong, would you please rein in that look of yours?"

A smile touched the corners of Xi Zirong’s lips, his voice crisp. "Alright, I’ll control it."

Xu Su: "..."

Her competitive spirit absolutely refused to let her blush because of some boy who was barely sixteen or seventeen. Xu Su kept her face stubbornly straight.