Maybe a Fake Gintama-Chapter 609: Anyone Who Uses Letters to Represent Their Name Is a Host!

Chapter 609 - Anyone Who Uses Letters to Represent Their Name Is a Host!

As she watched Ayame fiercely pummeling Gintoki and Shinpachi, Kagura, standing beside Kyourou, casually commented, "See? She's just like a man."

Kyourou, drenched in cold sweat, glanced at Kagura with disbelief.

"Listen up, Ayame!" Gintoki yelled as he struggled to stand, "Hostesses and hosts are basically the same! The only difference is gender! So asking you to be a host is like... Ugh!"

Before Gintoki could finish, Ayame, without hesitation, tossed Shinpachi aside and repeatedly swung her shovel down hard on Gintoki's head, showing no intention of stopping.

Seeing Ayame mercilessly beating Gintoki and Shinpachi without treating them as humans, Kyourou swallowed hard and stepped forward, raising a trembling hand to try to calm her down.

"Please, Ayame-san, calm down a bit, it's not what you think..." Despite his fear, Kyourou tried to reason with her, "We thought that if Kabukicho's number one hostess, Ayame-san, stepped in..."

Ayame paused, her actions halted by Kyourou's flattery. She turned around, her face slightly blushing as she looked at Kyourou.

"...you could introduce us to many excellent men since you seem to be very popular."

Even though Kyourou had come up with this excuse on the fly, Ayame bought into it, blushing and bashfully fidgeting in place.

"Oh my, you're so annoying, Kyourou-san~" Ayame shyly murmured, twisting her body.

But in the next moment...

Still bashfully fidgeting, Ayame accidentally struck Kyourou in the face with her shovel. With a scream, Kyourou spun through the air and crashed heavily to the ground. Hasegawa immediately rushed to his side.

"Manager——!"

Meanwhile, Ayame was still lost in the flattery Kyourou had just given her, her face flushed with shyness.

"Excellent men, huh?" Ayame gently stroked her cheek, still fidgeting. "I guess I know some, but not really... Who should I pick? It's so troublesome~."

At that moment, Kondou, dressed in a blue suit and a pink shirt, casually approached while dialing on his phone.

"Oh, Ayame-san, did you call me for something?"

"The one who wasn't even called is the first to show up!" Shinpachi instantly retorted. "And he's pretending like he got a call—how infuriating!"

"Haha~" Kondou put away his phone and chuckled, closing his eyes as he continued speaking to himself, "I get it, Ayame-san. You didn't contact me because you were worried that if I became a host, other girls would snatch me away, right? I could see it all... off-screen."

"There was no such scene!!" Shinpachi angrily rebuked. "When did you even get here, you stalker?!"

Ignoring Shinpachi's outburst, Kondou made a "Y" shape with his arms, his face softening into a romantic gaze as he softly declared, "It's okay; no one will ever take my heart away..."

Then, Kondou turned to Ayame with those same tender eyes, holding a rose.

"Your personal host stalker, Kondou, is here just for you!"

"No one would ever request a disgusting host like that!" Shinpachi retorted again.

"Huh? Host car?" Gintoki asked as he had already modified Kondou, pointing at the now-cart-like Kondou lying on the ground with wheels attached to his limbs. Gintoki looked at everyone and suggested, "Hey, everyone, this guy wants to be a host cart. Let's have him carry our luggage."

Kondou, realizing what was happening, quickly protested, "No, that's not what I meant!"

Kagura, holding the nearly unconscious Kyourou, who Ayame's accidental blow had struck, casually remarked, "We've probably gathered enough people, let's head back."

With that, Kagura casually tossed Kyourou aside, who crashed heavily onto Kondou, pinning him to the ground.

At that moment, Kyourou, his forehead bleeding profusely, struggled to lift his head. He weakly addressed Gintoki, "Um... I'm really sorry, but I'd like to test your skills one last time."

"Skills?" Gintoki asked, puzzled.

Seeing the confused expressions on everyone's faces, Kyourou nodded and stood up to explain, "Yes. Ultimately, a host's job is to chat with girls. I'd like you to try interacting with some girls and see if you can bring them to the club. Just follow the usual methods of picking them up."

...

Meanwhile, in Yoshiwara, Kawaki was wholly absorbed in his game. Just as he was about to win the round, he was suddenly hit in the back of the head by a sharp, kunai-shaped object thrown by a confident woman who had burst through the door. His eyes rolled back as he collapsed, losing the game at the last second.

"What the hell are you doing, Tsukuyo?!" Kawaki screamed through clenched teeth as he glared at the "Game Over" message on the screen. "I was at a critical moment! I was just about to win!"

"You should be asking yourself that," Tsukuyo coldly replied as she approached Kawaki.

"Me? What did I do?" Kawaki pulled the kunai out of the back of his head, turned back to the screen, and started a new round.

"A message from Kagura." Tsukuyo tossed her phone in front of Kawaki.

"Kagura?" Kawaki was still confused as he picked up the phone and read the message Tsukuyo had mentioned. " 'Tsukuyo, whatever you do, don't let Uncle Kawaki anywhere near Kabukicho today. Please, for the peace of Kabukicho, make sure he stays in Yoshiwara!' "

"What's this about?" Kawaki turned back to Tsukuyo, squinting his eyes in confusion.

"How should I know?!" Tsukuyo snapped as she snatched the phone back from Kawaki's hand. "You should ask yourself! What are you planning to do in that district?"

"No, nothing in particular," Kawaki shrugged and returned to his screen, dismissing the message. "Don't worry about it. It's probably just a prank or maybe Kagura wants to ask for some pocket money."

"Is that really the case?" Tsukuyo questioned suspiciously.

"I already told you, I don't know," Kawaki replied impatiently. But then, sensing something, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his vibrating phone.

Kawaki casually crushed the phone with his hand without glancing at the screen.

"Who was that?"

After tossing the remains of his phone into a nearby trash bin, Kawaki shrugged again and answered, "No idea, but probably someone who's not very likable."

After a brief silence, Tsukuyo turned and left the room.

"This is the fifth phone this month. You won't be getting any more funding for replacements."

"Ah, whatever," Kawaki replied without turning around. "It's actually better without that thing lately. That person is too annoying..."

(Note: Kawaki and Kagura have separate phones and communication devices from the one they use to contact Kouka.)

Ignoring Kawaki's comment, Tsukuyo closed the door behind her. However, after leaving the room, she quietly ordered Hyakka to "increase patrols and watch out for suspicious individuals approaching Yoshiwara."

Back at the window, Kawaki, now at the window, watched Tsukuyo walk down the street below, holding her kisser. He chuckled softly to himself.

"She still has some womanly traits, huh..." Kawaki muttered to himself before stretching and turning back to his game. "Alright, let's continue—back to the game~"

As Kawaki sat back down and picked up the controller again, he suddenly paused, stroking his chin and furrowing his brows.

"No, wait a minute... I really feel like I've forgotten something. Was it a game release date? No, that's not it; nothing I want comes out today. So, what was it?"

After racking his brain for a while and failing to remember what he had forgotten, Kawaki shrugged it off as something trivial and immersed himself again in the game.

...

Meanwhile, at Takamagahara in Kabukicho, Kyourou, sitting in one of the booths, looked at Gintoki and the others, who were now all handcuffed, along with Sougo and Hijikata standing nearby. He spoke with a tone of resignation.

"Um... everyone, I asked you to bring customers to the club. How did it end up with you all getting arrested instead?"

Gintoki, who was sitting on top of Kondou, who for some reason was missing his clothes and kneeling on the floor, glanced at Hijikata and defended himself, "Manager, if it weren't for this rotten cop getting in the way, we would've conquered at least two or three women by now."

Gintoki looked down at Kondou as he spoke, "Right, Kondou?"

"Gin is right," Kondou replied with a sigh, his eyes closed in resignation. "Honestly, the police these days make a big fuss over the slightest thing. This town is getting harder to live in."

As the two bantered, veins bulged on Hijikata's forehead. He glared at Kondou and snapped, "You're the chief of those cops!"

"That was a long time ago," Kondou replied with a faint smile of acceptance. Then, taking a bite from the banana Gintoki had peeled and handed to him, he mumbled through a mouthful, "I've decided to give up my position and honor for Ayame-san and start over as a host cart from the bottom."

Standing beside Kagura, who was cosplaying as an angel with a mischievous grin, Sougo said, "Kondou-san, forget the bottom; you're starting all the way back from the Jomon period."

"Let's go home," Hijikata said, grabbing Kondou's arm.

"If you want to be a vehicle, at least be a patrol car that protects this street."

Kondou continued to struggle, shouting, "No! Even as a host, I'm still protecting this town! If this keeps up, the Lady might destroy this street!"

"What nonsense are you talking about?" Sougo retorted.

"Gin! Tell them too!" Kondou pleaded, looking at Gintoki. "If the Ace gets caught, it'll be a disaster! Whitebeard and Luffy won't stand by!"

At that moment, Kyourou, observing the group, seemed to realize something.

"Feed him a banana a day," Gintoki calmly advised Sougo and Hijikata, "And if that doesn't work, just let him play with his own banana."

As Hijikata dragged Kondou toward the door, Kondou struggled desperately, "No! They're going to treat me like a caged gorilla! Manager——!!"

"Alright! Come on already!" Hijikata grumbled.

"Um, could I ask you all to stay for a moment?" Kyourou called out to Hijikata and Sougo.

Kondou, on the verge of tears, was moved, "Manager! Sniff sniff..."

Ignoring Kondou, Kyourou stepped over him and approached Hijikata and Sougo.

"No, I didn't mean the gorilla."

Hijikata and Sougo were momentarily taken aback as Kyourou, with a severe expression, carefully examined their faces.

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"This... this might actually work," Kyourou murmured as his brows gradually relaxed.

...

Evening came.

At the entrance of Takamagahara, Ayame, dressed in a server's outfit, smiled as she called out to three girls who had just walked by.

"Ladies, do you have any plans for tonight?" Ayame asked, winking and gesturing toward the glowing sign above Takamagahara's entrance. "If you don't mind, how about resting your wings at this angelic haven—Takamagahara?"

"Huh?" The girl in the blue kimono looked up at the sign, her eyes widening in surprise. "Takamagahara is open again?"

"But I heard they closed down because the hosts kept quitting," the girl in the pink kimono frowned.

"We've hired some new hosts and reopened," Ayame explained.

"Really?!" The girl in the blue kimono looked excited but then seemed to remember something, "But, aren't the new hosts probably ugly?"

"True," the girl in the green kimono, who looked like a literature major with glasses, nodded in agreement.

"That's not the case," Ayame shook her head, speaking slowly. "We've gathered some of the top handsome guys in Edo here. You're guaranteed to have a special night~."

As Ayame spoke, the doors of Takamagahara slowly opened with a creak, and the three girls instinctively glanced inside.

Standing in front of Gintoki and the others, Hijikata and Sougo, dressed like top hosts, held a flower and stood slightly angled, closing the buttons on their suits.

"Welcome—" Sougo greeted, turning slightly.

"To the new Takamagahara," Hijikata continued, turning in sync with Sougo so that their backs were touching.

"We won't let you go until morning, little kitties~" Sougo added with a smoldering gaze.

"The hot and cold party starts now," Hijikata said as he sat on Kondou's back, who was now bizarrely dressed with motorcycle handles strapped to his head. Crossing his arms, Hijikata shouted, "Here we go! Let's party!!"

Behind him, Gintoki and the others all raised their hands and cheered.

"OK!" ×n

"...The hell it is!!!" Hijikata yelled, veins bulging as he fired a rocket launcher at Gintoki and the others. "Why do we have to 'Let's Party' with you?! And why is Kondou-san a Harley Gorilla Bike?!!"

Boom!!!