Pseudo Resident’s Illegal Stay in Another World-Chapter 62: Hassan— Masseur of The Wild (1)

༺ Hassan — Masseur of The Wild (1) ༻ 1Could also mean Illegal. Both kind of work here, ‘Wild’ to refer to the fact that he’s a Samaritan or ‘Illegal’ for the illegal massages he’s giving. After deliberation, we went with the ‘Wild’ meaning.

I organized the story I heard from the deer in my head.

This person was severely punished for some reason, and the punishment was a curse that turned him into a deer. Somehow, it seemed that he needed to collect some maidens’ belongings to break the curse.

And then, he gave me an offer that…If I helped him to lift the curse, he would give me something in return.

The maidens’ belongings, attacking and defending, hardship, fraud…

“You want me to join your swindler squad?”

Nod— Nod—

Holy shit, no matter what, if I got involved in such a fraudulent activity, my life would practically end before I knew it. Not only must I kiss the dream of becoming a Gold-tier hero goodbye, but I might also become every woman’s number one enemy.

Still, I had a hunch I could solve this situation if it was really a curse that caused this. I’ve already solved many curses before, including my slave imprint and Luna’s assortment of curses.

The problem was that…the one I needed to help was a fucking animal.

Wait, when I brought Nemea’s white cat back, didn’t the giant cat spit out the heartworm that it was suffering from after I had attacked the red spots on its body? That probably meant that my methods would also work on this animal.

“How about this, I won’t join your swindler squad, but I’ll try to lift your curse.”

Then, I grabbed the deer’s front paw again.

[Stats] Name: Actaeon

Level: ?? → 16

Conditions: Diana’s Curse》Immature Shed-Antlers》Tough Hooves

There were some words describing antlers shedding and hooves, but that weren’t the things that mattered for now. The most problematic of them all was probably the condition that caused this abnormal state, Diana’s Curse.

Where did I hear about Diana’s name again? Seeing as how she used an awful curse to turn someone into a deer, she mustn’t be that good of a person.

Slide—

When I turned my sight to the deer’s body, I saw red spots spread all over the dazzling pale amber-colored fur. Most of them were concentrated in the animal’s body— I wasn’t sure whether to call it the spinal bones or the back.

If it were my father, he would be able to recite the name of all acupuncture points of this fucking beast. Such a feat didn’t sound all that appealing to me so I didn’t study much about animals.

But at this point, I could only bitterly regret that I didn’t. Damn, how would I have known at that time that I’d be massaging a deer’s back?

“Sit still.”

I went behind the deer’s back and touched the line of its spine. Its structure and form differed from humans, but trusting my ability and simply applying pressure on the red spots always proved to work so far.

Press—

Purrrrk!

The deer was struggling while looking like it was in a great amount of pain. My brain was whirling for a moment while thinking about what the hell I was doing, but I tried to force my mind into focusing on the task at hand.

However, the red spots disappeared quickly after being pressed, so I minimized the amount of time I was pressing each spot and just quickly put pressure on it like pressing a button.

“Then let’s get this over with quickly.”

Whoo—

After a short deep breath.

Tatatatatatata—

I swiftly pressed the deer’s body with my thumb like a master of martial arts.

Pr— Prrrt— Prrrrt—!

I hit the deer’s body like a drum, and it made a strange noise every time I hit one of the red spots.

But anyhow, I was in the zone and was completely focused on pressing every dot on the animal’s body!

Ding—

『Diana’s Curse has been healed.』 『Task points +10』 『Current task points: 77』

Indeed, my task points increased simultaneously as the notification saying that the curse had been lifted showed up in my mind. So, I looked at the fucking deer, wondering what was going to happen now.

Clatter— Clatter—

Then the body of Actaeon, the deer, started to twist around, followed by a horrible and vivid sound of popping joints.

Clatter— Clatter— Crushed—

The front legs were twisted in an impossible direction. The head couldn’t spin 180 degrees, so it shook back and forth wildly as if he was having a seizure. It was like a scene from a horror movie, so I didn’t want to keep staring at him anymore.

What the fuck did I just touch? Did I press the wrong place without realizing it?

While I was very concerned about what I had done…

The deer’s outer appearance was gradually expanding as if it were swelling into the air, and soon its skin started flapping as if it was being peeled off.

A fair-skinned male soon appeared from under the loose skin.

“M-My body has returned. I’ve become a real human being again!”

Actaeon raised himself from his sitting position and exclaimed loudly. Having become a human being again, he actually turned into quite the handsome guy with amber-colored hair reminiscent of the deer’s fur.

But he was completely fucking unclothed right now, so I felt like shit when I was looking at him. Frankly, I don’t want to describe the naked man’s appearance.

Actaeon patted his arms, legs, and body with his palms with an astonished expression donned on his face, as if he couldn’t believe his transformation, and then held my shoulder tightly.

“Samaritan! You saved my life! Oh, my god, I can’t believe this! You have lifted Diana’s Curse! I-I thought my life was over! These days, I’ve been losing more and more of my ability to think as a human!”

Then he crashed into my body and even hugged me tightly.

Men were allowed to touch other men up to the shoulders only, so this clearly had crossed the line and I felt incredibly terrible about this situation. But he was so strong that I couldn’t stop him from hugging me.

In particular, this bastard’s deer-like antlers, growing on his head, kept getting on my nerves. I thought he hadn’t become entirely human yet.

But I didn’t say anything about that since he didn’t seem bothered by it.

“L-Let go of me!”

“Wow, you have an amazing skill! How were you even able to lift that terrible curse?! None of Kairos’ disciples had the ability to do so! You are indeed my hero!”

No matter what, that man looked utterly delighted.

He looked like someone who had just gained a new life. The doubts and hostility that had been brimming in his eyes previously had completely disappeared, so I felt relieved.

“Damn, how the fuck did you become a deer?”

“It was because I committed a taboo. But I can’t tell you any more about it. Anyway, I’m very grateful to you. Are you an adventurer from the Mars Guild? What’s your name?”

Grip—

His grip on my shoulder was so tight and firm that I thought my shoulder was about to be pulled out.

Not only that, this completely stripped man’s strength was so strong that wherever he pressed, it felt like he was about to pull out that part entirely. This man was indeed not an ordinary person.

“I-I’m Hassan of Samaria.”

“I see. Hassan of Samaria. I am Actaeon, a disciple of Kairos and a member of the Argus Expedition. I am a Gold-tier adventurer of the Minerva Guild.”

Gold-tier?

The word “Gold-tier” made my eyes gleam immediately. I didn’t expect to see a Gold-rank adventurer right before me like this.

But, damn, the sight of this flamboyant idiot being happy all stripped down and everything made me a little uncomfortable. I should’ve just let him be a deer. A deer who could speak the human language would have sold for a lot.

“Anyway, I won’t forget this favor. This is all I can give you right now.”

This man showed me the junk piled up in his cave.

However, those were really just useless junk, so miscellaneous stores and antique shops wouldn’t even accept most of the stuff from this pile.

“I don’t really want those things. Just give me back the money you took from Luna yesterday.”

“Luna? That pink-haired Kore? Uh, well, that money has probably already been used up by my partner, Lapu. It required quite a lot of money to find a way to lift the curse, you see…”

“Shit, then you better just follow me to the guards obediently and surrender yourself.”

* * * * * *

“Oh, my god, you are Actaeon, aren’t you? I heard that you have gone missing. There were a lot of people who thought you were dead! But why are you all stripped like this? What’s with the horns on your head?”

The guards were so surprised to see me showing up while dragging a naked Actaeon with me that they started shouting in disbelief.

Actaeon was a Gold-rank adventurer who was famous to the extent that there was no one in Sodomora who didn’t know about him, and he was pretty talented too.

That missing person suddenly appeared and was caught by me, so for one reason or another, I was able to understand the reactions of the people who were surprised.

“It’s a bit long to explain. Anyways, I’m sorry. Lapu and I will pay for our sins. Please, don’t ask for further details.”

“Uhm, Ackkk”

Lapu, the swindler, responded with a swollen face. That punk was beaten so severely by Renee that the idiom – bruised and battered – wasn’t enough to describe his current situation.

“I unintentionally got a share of your reward, Samaritan.”

The reward for capturing the deer swindler squad was 50 silvers. But, twenty-five silvers went to Renee. It was such an unfortunate situation, but Renee was the one who had caught Lapu, the swindler. So, the administrative procedures dictated that she’d get half the share of the bounty.

Still, the money I received was a tremendous sum. Because of this, my pocket, which now held about 47 silvers, had become so thick that it felt heavy, even with my enhanced strength.

Of course, if the pocket felt even heavier, obviously with money, then I would have felt much much better.

Anyway, there was no use in staying here any longer as I had finished all the work the guards assigned to me. So I was about to leave when Actaeon called me again from behind.

“Hassan of Samaria, I owe you a favor that I will never forget until the day I die. Please, take this.”

I wondered just what this punk had given me now. But it just turned out to be deerskin with abundant and lustrous fur. This deerskin was larger than any other ordinary deerskin I had witnessed. It was drooping and long, almost as long as a carpet.

Actaeon added a few words to his previous speech as I took the gift with an indifferent expression.

“If Lord Kairos was alive, I would have written you a letter of recommendation. It’s so unfortunate, but I believe that I’ll see you again.”

After that, Luna and I exited the guard’s station with the deerskin in hand. Of course, the place we were walking toward was the cabin situated on the land that Luna bought for three golds.

When we opened the lock and walked into the place, there was no furniture or wallpaper to be seen, so what registered in my eyes was the scene of a very desolate and gloomy space.

I spread a thin layer of straw on the cold floor and laid down the deerskin, I had just received, on top of it. Therefore this unsophisticated space finally got a touch of warmness added to it.

“It’s warm! It’s very soft! With this, I don’t need to put anything else on the floor!”

While sprawling out on top of it, Luna opened her mouth wide in absolute delight. She must have liked it quite a lot because she was laughing so loud that all of her pristine white teeth were visible for me to witness.

Of course, I also felt satisfied that there was something to put on the floor. The floor must be warm and soft, that way this gloomy place would finally feel like a place for humans to live in.

“You should take off your shoes before getting on top of it.”

“Is that so?”

Thus, Luna untied the string of her tightly wrapped sandals and put them in a corner of the cabin.

Crunch— Crunch—

“It feels so nice!”

When I looked at how she stepped on the deerskin carpet with her cute bare feet, my schlong started to grow hard on its own. Luna’s bare skin was too stimulating a sight for me right now, so it was an unavoidable occurrence.

However, I looked around to calm myself down. Besides the huge deer carpet on the floor, the rest of this place was still in a disastrous condition.

“This place will be more acceptable once the ceiling and walls are repaired. I’ll help you this time around.”

“R-Really? You will help me out? I’m so sorry but….”

Luna couldn’t speak up looking as though she felt really bad for making me work…

Suddenly, I remembered something. Then, I took the money bag out of my pocket and grabbed 13 silver coins from within. Taking the coins out, I promptly put them in Luna’s hand.

“The amount of money you lost is 5 silvers, and 30% of the reward is 8 silvers, so these 13 silvers are now yours.”

“13 silvers? Y-you’re giving me this much..?”

“It will cost a lot of money to fix this place. Try not to get scammed again at least. Please ask me to go with you when you need to buy things for yourself.”

I wasn’t sure just what kind of scam she would become a victim of the next time around, so I thought I would be more relieved if I were by her side.

With that out of the way, we spent some idle time together, lying on the comfortable and fluffy deerskin while sharing the beef jerky that was presented to us by the guards.

When it was almost time for us to sleep, Luna suddenly spoke up while looking a bit hesitant.

“Hassan, um… I have a favor to ask of you….”

“Favor?”

As surprising as it may seem, Luna had a great sense of independence. Although she had relied on me a lot throughout our time together, she also had a certain obsession with doing things on her own. That’s why it was very difficult for her to ask for my help.

Therefore, I was positively surprised when Luna asked me for a favor despite her usual reluctance.

“What is it?”

“Uh, it’s— well, my legs are aching a bit. So, I was wondering if you could massage….”

“You want me to massage your legs, right?”

“….”

Luna was blushing hard from shame, so she didn’t answer any further. It might have already consumed all of her mental capacity to endure the embarrassment of asking for a massage.

“All right, lie down on the carpet here.”

Sweep—

Luna turned her body, her back now facing the ceiling, and gently laid down on the carpet. The back of her knees and the bare soles of her feet were so fair and white that I thought their luster was enough to almost blind my eyes.

I never thought that I’d have a chance to touch that soft body again.

It was only a massage, not a medical practice, nor a lewd act. So, neither the vow of chastity nor the Asclepius act had any say in this situation.

I knew how to go about with this massage, But, I was feeling so nervous that my palms became wet with sweat. I rubbed the sweat off on the waist of my pants and said.

“Then I’ll start massaging your legs.”

So my hand found its way to the bottom of Luna’s tiny feet.

Flinch—

Due to the unfamiliar feeling, Luna’s feet trembled for a moment, but she quickly got used to my touch and her legs slowly relaxed.

After I wrapped the tiny soles of Luna’s feet in between my hands, I used both of my thumbs to push up the entire soles of her feet to stimulate them.

“Ugh… I-it hurts a little….”

“The soles of your feet are a little swollen, that’s why.”

Luna must have been tired after walking through the market and forest all day today. Therefore, I had to loosen the muscles on her legs so they wouldn’t be swollen when she woke up tomorrow.

“Ack… Uh… It hurt at first. But, it feels better now, though, it still feels a little painful. Ah…”

“Right? That’s how it should feel like.”

Luna’s warm soles were so soft and smooth. It would be good if I could just keep touching them like this forever.

Sniff— Sniff—

“D-Don’t smell it…!”

“No, I’m just doing a health check. Your feet are very healthy.”

Although the health check was obviously a big fat lie, there were actually precedences of some famous cult followers doing check-ups by tasting bodily fluids like sweat or smelling the body odor.

Anyway, to remind myself that this was a massage, I didn’t forget to press the concave part of the soles of her feet and pull her toes out.

Press— Press—

When you are applying acupressure like this especially, you should persistently stimulate the middle part of the soles of the feet that I pressed last time. That part was called the Bubbling Well acupoint. For women, this part was the acupoint that was responsible for their functional aspects.

“Ugh…”

In short, it was a very stimulating place for women.

“Hhh… ack…. H-Hassan, I feel strange…!!”

Luna seemed to be enjoying my massage, so she made a sweet noise that sounded like it was melting in the dark. Soon Luna’s body started twitching as if she was going to have a spasm.

“S-Stop! Don’t…! S-stop, I-I have some business to do!!”

She then sneaked out of my grasp and then hurriedly left her seat. Was she in such an urgent need to go to the toilet?

I slightly blamed myself while wondering if I had made a mistake after getting a bit carried away by the mood.

A few minutes later, after returning to the cabin with her blushing cheeks, Luna spoke.

“Hassan, let me do it for you this time.”

“What? Massage me?”

52 Footnotes:

1Could also mean Illegal. Both kind of work here, ‘Wild’ to refer to the fact that he’s a Samaritan or ‘Illegal’ for the illegal massages he’s giving. After deliberation, we went with the ‘Wild’ meaning.