SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCÉ-Chapter 19 - NINETEEN

- HAZEL -

A sad smile formed on my lips as I stared at the door knob leading to my room. I want to go in but at the same time, I don’t want to. I just want to sit outside for as long as I can and relax while enjoying the midnight breeze.

While trying to get my mind off everything and anything. Probably listening to music as well. A sigh escaped my lips. I really just want to be alone with my thoughts.

My fingers wrapped the door knob, well, here’s to hoping they’re all asleep.

I bent the knob but nothing happened. The door is locked. Shit. I forgot that I didn’t take my key along with me. Ugh! Now I have to wake someone up.

I knocked on the door gently so as not to disturb other people in other rooms, mainly those who are asleep. No one answered the door. Are they asleep or not in the room?

I don’t know why the thought made me feel weird and think about something else.

I’ve met a lot of people and gotten over them, some quicker than others but why then can’t I Get over Killian?

He’s not the first person I slept with and I don’t like to brag, but he’s not the third either, then why?

... Why does not getting to know someone I’m meant to be away from affect me this much? We knew for just one day.

One freaking day! And we barely had the long talk about one another, it went from alcohol to someone putting on my shoe then taking me to his car, then his house and I ended up on his bed. Fuck! Now that I think about it, it was just one night.

I knocked on the door again to get my mind to focus on something else. The only reason I’m thinking about him by this time is probably because I have a lot of time on my hands and I’m awake. "Is anyone in? Open up." I called, trying to keep my tone low.

When no one came to the door, I decided to sit by the door and leaned my back on the wall. The letter is still in my hand. I raised my fingers up a little to gaze at it. As expected, I was called in the middle of the night to be talked to about school. Why on earth would it be anything else?

Because he probably talks to Kate about other things. In fact, way more than I can imagine.

I’m sure they even share nudes. My throat tightened by the thought. I’m sure he has kissed her so many times, all over. Seen her naked. Fucked her so good till she can’t think anymore.

My fists clenched and I bit my lower lips. Thinking about such shouldn’t make me jealous but it does. The fact that he hasn’t just done this with someone else but still does hits a nerve. And this person is someone I love so much.

I leaned my head on the wall. If Killian was engaged... why? Why did he succumb to my want? To my desires...

I would’ve been perfectly fine yet humiliated after if he resisted to the end but it would’ve been so much better.

I closed my eyes and tried to think. His words are the only things playing in my head.

’Then beg’.

I still want to beg desperately for his attention. The more I remember that night, the clearer things are to me. Now that I think about it, he didn’t call me his.

He didn’t say anything about wanting more. Our minds were just fixed on the pleasure we were having.

But he was so passionate. He made me feel good about myself. He made me forget my pain in just one night.

My throat tightened. Now I don’t even know if he thinks about me. I banged my fist on the door angrily. The noise that caused echoed in the passage. Oops. I guess that’s sorry for whoever was asleep. This is somewhat satisfying. I giggled.

A squeak made me turn and I looked up as someone opened the door. It’s Jasmine.

"Geez, why didn’t you call?" She asks with an eye closed. Jasmine is in her pjs and an eye mask is hanging over her forehead. Her hair is messy. She yawned.

[Pjs - pajamas] ƒree𝑤ebnσvel.com

"I am not with my phone." I whispered. "Sorry."

"It’s alright, come on in." She stretched her hand out to me. I held onto it with a smile as she pulled me up.

"Thank you." I murmured quietly, getting inside my room. The girls at the other side as asleep. I’m glad I didn’t wake them.

"Anytime. And babe," Jasmine jumped on her bed.

"Hm?"

"There’s a plaster in my table drawer, you can use it." She said and turned to the other side, backing me, while covering herself with her duvet.

Plaster? For what?

"Um.. okay?" I said, unsure why she offered that.

"It’ll help the cut on your lip." Jasmine yawned. "Goodnight." She said.

Cut? I don’t have a cut. I walked to my reading table which is by the wall and looked for my hand mirror. I stared at myself. Oh.. I do have a sore. I didn’t even feel it.

"Thanks." I muttered to her. Jasmine groaned. She seems really tired.

I sat on my chair and huffed. I can’t believe that I was thinking about him so much that I hurt myself with my teeth.

I dropped my hand mirror back where I took it from. I don’t want to use her plaster, let this be my little punishment for craving someone I shouldn’t.

A sigh escaped my lips as I stared at the wall.

For once in my life, I want to be selfish with my desires and go for it but I also don’t want to hurt anyone. I know what I thought before about choosing her first, but after taking a long walk to get back to my dorm, it made me think.

What would Kate do? If she was in my shoes, will she tell me and quit or go ahead? Does the girl code apply in this situation?

The fact that I’m looking for ways to justify this situation makes me sick. Ugh! I got up and walked to my bed. My books and laptop are by my pillow, just where I kept it.

I think I’ll write a journal about my daily life and weird desires on my laptop. Maybe it’ll help me move on. I took my laptop and books from my bed side and kept them on my table. I connected my laptop to charge and sighed. I don’t feel sleepy but I have to sleep.

My mind is so wrapped around Killian that I forgot the main reason I chose to attend this school. It sucks for Tristan that I am moving on this easily but it sucks for me that I’m also stuck. I laughed. I wish I can call this karma but I’m so innocent.

I stared at my table for a while then at Jasmine’s. Something on it caught my attention. It’s a hand warmer and it’s gray.

I swallowed. No matter where I am, that colour will forever be ruined in my mind. B

ecause it’ll always make me think of something dirty. It’ll always make me think of him.