Shinji Matou at Your Service-Chapter 954 - : The Shadows of the First Half of Life, the Redemption of the Second Half

The old film finally reached its conclusion.

This was the punishment called justice, the price of the ideal he had yearned for.

His father, someone like a mother to him, and even the very right to feel the bloody sensation on his hands and to remember them fondly, were taken away.

Kiritsugu could never calmly recall those he loved—their voices, their images.

They would forever torment him in his nightmares, never forgiving him for abandoning and killing them based on cold, ruthless calculations.

But he had no way to stop, nor could he.

The moment he stopped, everything he had pursued would crumble into nothing. The price he had paid, and the sacrifices he had accumulated, would all lose their value and collapse.

He could only silently shoulder all of this—be it curses or resentment. He could only hope that when his tears had dried up, there would be a day when his wishes would come true.

This was Kiritsugu's first half of life. At this moment, the Magus Killer, who struck fear into many magus, was born.

Because of Shirley, he began to weigh lives on a scale.

Because of his father's death, he embarked on an inhuman, bloody path.

Because of his foster mother's death, he nearly extinguished all his humanity, turning himself into a machine.

These two experiences became the prison that confined the second half of life. Everything he did was bound to the shadows of his first half.

Because he saw Natalia's shadow in Maiya, after saving her, he agreed to let her stay by his side as his assistant, just like Natalia had done for him in the past.

Because he didn't want such tragedies to repeat, he traveled across the world in search of a miracle, and thus accepted the invitation from the Einzberns, becoming Irisviel's husband and disappearing from the world.

Because Irisviel's innocence reminded him of Shirley, Kiritsugu couldn't help but develop feelings for her, rather than treating her as a tool.

Time and again, these involuntary moments added new colors to Kiritsugu's otherwise bleak life, and the heart that had once grown cold regained warmth.

However, this glimmer of brightness, this trace of warmth, could never offset the shadows of his first half of life. In the end, he still had to make another cruel choice: to save all of humanity, he had to sacrifice his wife.

What made it even more cruel was that after sacrificing his family, his wife, and all those important to him, he gained nothing. The way to save humanity simply didn't exist.

Realizing this, he finally achieved enlightenment. He let go of all his obsessions and allowed his past self to collapse.

With the help of a visitor from beyond fate, he escaped the tragic fate of dragging his battered body and soul, burdened with a curse that could never be redeemed, while waiting for his life to end—though the miracle couldn't save all of humanity, it saved his last remaining family.

Afterward, Kiritsugu no longer lived for all of humanity, lived for justice, and no longer sought redemption. He lived only for his family, and for himself—he finally escaped the shadows of his first half of life, broke free from the prison he had constructed for himself, and ran toward a brighter tomorrow.

However, just when he had gradually forgotten the past and was focused on enjoying the present, the shadows of his first half of life, the shackles that had once crushed him, appeared before him once again. It was no wonder he lost his composure.

"Impossible... impossible... impossible... impossible—this must be a dream, this can't be real. Natalia... Shirley..."

He clutched his head, frantically pulling at his hair, like a wounded beast.

"I never thought I'd see such an expression on your cold little face."

The female Dead Apostle in the black trench coat removed her hat and sunglasses, revealing her light blue hair and the face that hadn't changed at all since their parting.

"Kiritsugu, this is all real, you're not dreaming."

The other Dead Apostle, dressed in a simple outfit, removed her gloves, revealing the familiar face that had appeared countless times in Kiritsugu's dreams, sometimes stirring fond memories, and other times tormenting him.

"If this isn't a dream, then it's an illusion! Who are you? Why are you using their appearance to deceive me?!"

Kiritsugu shouted in a hoarse, low voice. The gun he had already holstered at his waist once again found its way into his hand.

"They can't possibly still be alive!"

"Do we count as alive like this?"

Natalia shrugged, pointing to her pale skin and then to her red eyes.

"Dead Apostles!"

Kiritsugu instinctively raised his gun, ready to pull the trigger.

A hand reached out from the side, grabbing his wrist and taking the gun from him before he could fire.

"Shinji, what are you doing?!"

"I should be asking you that! Did you forget what I just said? Without them, your wife and daughter would be dead right now! I'm a professional vampire hunter and I'm not even shouting for blood—what's got you so worked up? Where's your usual calm?"

"Kiritsugu."

"Dad."

Irisviel and Illya, standing on either side of him, gently held his hands, helping to calm his emotions.

"Anyway, let's all sit down and talk properly. With us here, even if they are disguising themselves as Dead Apostle Ancestors, they can't stir up much trouble. I'm sure your wife and daughter are also quite interested in hearing about your past escapades."

Shinji intentionally let out a suggestive laugh, trying to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, it had little effect—only Sakura showed a spark of curiosity.

This household is eerily harmonious. It's hard to tell whether Kiritsugu has a special knack for keeping the peace, or if it's just that things have balanced out after so much suffering.

Shinji, who also had his share of luck with women, felt a twinge of envy, completely forgetting that it was he who had orchestrated this.

"First, let's verify their identities—whether these two Dead Apostles are real people from Kiritsugu's past. While I already believe it, Kiritsugu here hasn't seen your brave deeds with his own eyes, so he's understandably skeptical—so please, do something that will dispel his doubts."

"That's easy. I'll go first," Natalia said.

"The kid thinks I'm dead because he shot down the plane I was piloting. Judging from the explosion, he must have used a British Blowpipe—even now, it's not easy to get your hands on one of those. You must've gone through quite the ordeal to get it, huh?"

"..."

Kiritsugu remained silent.

"My turn," Shirley continued.

"When I had just turned into this, I begged Kerry to kill me, but he refused. And because of that..."

"Enough! Stop talking!"

The old wounds were ripped open again, bleeding and raw, the pain cutting to the core—this pain was the best proof.

At this moment, Kiritsugu teetering on the edge of madness wanted to know just two things:

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How did they survive what should have been certain death? And why had they only appeared now, after all this time?

PS: For the Plot.